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Kent Roberts
St. Petersburg, Florida
Writer and performing comedian; co-author of Portrait of Yo Mama as a Young Man; contributor to The Onion and The New York Times.
Interests: The physics of emptiness, floral arrangement, athletic regulatory committees.
Recent Activity
Doris Day - Whatever Will Be, Will Be .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine Visit for breaking news, world news, and news about the economy Continue reading
Posted Jun 21, 2010 at
Vanilla Ice - Ice Ice Baby .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine Unlike Vanilla Ice, I am not as cool as ice... but I am as cool as dry ice, which I think is probably the next best thing. Continue reading
Posted May 16, 2010 at
I'm not totally unscrupulous, but I do only have one scruple... and I guess even that one is kind of a stretch. It's a commitment to stop eating when I'm full. Continue reading
Posted May 8, 2010 at
If you are a fan of both America and love, can I recommend the bumper sticker of an American flag in the shape of a heart? Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2010 at
I made a horrible mistake the other day -- I thanked my unlucky stars. You really don't want to egg those ones on. Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2010 at
Some people are wise beyond their years. I am wise about 15 years shy of my years. Continue reading
Posted May 3, 2010 at
The worst business decision I ever made was producing a spinoff show of Queer Eye for the Straight Guy called Queer Eye for Chicks With Dicks. The show was clearly approximately 250 years ahead of its time. Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2010 at
Come join me at my sales conference, The Wellspring of Bullshit Happening. You will learn important sales tools, such as the following: Though it is difficult to sell ice to Eskimos, it is becoming easier every year, due to global... Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2010 at
The last thing you want to do is make that guy angry. That's also the first thing you want to do, and what you want to do throughout your interactions with him. Keep that guy angry at all times. Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2010 at
A topic that is too often ignored is the financial outlook of the homeless population in the United States. Most homeless people have terrible credit -- way, way below 700. Generally, their credit is a negative number, or at best... Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2010 at
Cake - The Distance .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine I would say I have a trophy wife, but that's not really accurate. She's more of a plaque wife. Continue reading
Posted Apr 9, 2010 at
That song lyric, "Lookin' for love in all the wrong places," popped into my head the other day. I thought, "I hope that only 99% of the places that I'm looking for love are wrong." Continue reading
Posted Apr 8, 2010 at
"Another thing you should know about me is that in a few months, I am starting an untitled, avant-garde theater-of-life piece in which I repeatedly crap my pants in public. Cool right? I'm an idea guy." Continue reading
Posted Apr 5, 2010 at
fleetwood mac - don't stop .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine I see the license plate that says, "Support Law Enforcement," and I am reminded of the license plate I designed for the American Jockstrap Association: "Support Male Genitalia."... Continue reading
Posted Apr 1, 2010 at
Neil Diamond and Barbara Streisand - You don't bring me flowers .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine Something I'd never thought to do, but that is apparently important, is to smell things when buying them used. Clothing, of course.... Continue reading
Posted Mar 31, 2010 at
When I ask a woman to shove a zucchini up my ass during sex, I expect it to be covered in liquid chocolate and whipped cream. Rather than smoking a cigarette afterwards, we eat the zucchini. I know, weird flavor combination -- just my thing. Different strokes, I guess.
Toggle Commented Mar 30, 2010 on Food, Beer, Sex, Food, Beer, Sex at
Thank you... It's funny how stuff like that just pops up -- I put "old English" into that free MP3 search engine and was pleased at the cheery and humble tone of the first entry.
Toggle Commented Mar 29, 2010 on Patriotism Version 78.492.6 at
Thanks... I couldn't have done it without the animated mushroom.
Thanks -- this is a fascination with me lately, the extent to which we have all become mechanized and don't appreciate the ways we aren't in control of ourselves.
Toggle Commented Mar 29, 2010 on Food, Beer, Sex, Food, Beer, Sex at
Words: Cecil Frances Alexander, Music: Old English tune - All Things Bright and Beautiful .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine I went to a few Tampa Bay Rays games last year, and I will go out and watch a... Continue reading
Posted Mar 28, 2010 at
Johnny Cash - Rusty Cage .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine Habituation. Booze, nicotine, sugar, caffeine, sex, TV, the Internet, videogames, cell phones. Habituation. Repeating the same process, robotically, allowing the mind to submit to the security of the... Continue reading
Posted Mar 27, 2010 at
HAIR - Age of Aquarius .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine Customer: I need this problem to be solved, and I need this problem to be solved now. Counterperson: I agree that this is important, more important for instance... Continue reading
Posted Mar 26, 2010 at
WEDDING MARCH Organ Here Comes the Bride .mp3 Found at bee mp3 search engine All of my wedding vows will be constructed in the form of if-then statements. I will attach 38 pages of fine print to the marriage license.... Continue reading
Posted Mar 25, 2010 at