Melissa's Profile

And we shall eat cake.

It's a horrible thing, that moment that you become aware of yourself, that you suddenly realize in a brilliant flash that you are different. It shouldn't be. I wish we could celebrate that moment as a coming of age, with... Continue reading

Posted Jun 27, 2012 at WordMom.com

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Out of the Mud

When you woke up this morning, did you spring out of bed? Or did you roll over and pull the covers up to your ears, clenching your eyes tightly shut in hopes of getting back to whatever fantastic dream you... Continue reading

Posted Feb 19, 2012 at WordMom.com

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The Mathematical Equation for Cool

I am not cool. I'm okay with this. I know it. I own it. After all, I lived through my own junior high years and I know just how supremely uncool I can be. Can a girl with enormous tinted... Continue reading

Posted Jan 6, 2012 at WordMom.com

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A Word is Dead When it is Said, Some Say

End of the year mini-rant: I realized the other day that words like "veggies" have made their way into the mainstream. It isn't often you hear someone actually utter the full word "vegetables" anymore, have you noticed? Even waitstaff, giving... Continue reading

Posted Dec 29, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Five

Today our baby turned five. And yes, I understand that five isn't fifteen and asking for the car keys; honestly, that's a whole other blog, if in fifteen years we haven't all moved on to holographic reading. But still, five--when... Continue reading

Posted Nov 10, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Tube Tops, Shaun Cassidy and Consequences

Being a grown-up isn't all I thought it was going to be. I can eat chocolate for every meal. I can stay up as late as I want. I can walk into a liquor store with my head held high... Continue reading

Posted Oct 3, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Forty Smackeroos

A dollar is a dollar, right? My son is learning about money in school, all the ways to add up to a dollar. One hundred pennies, four quarters, ten dimes...you know the routine. He's being taught that money is one... Continue reading

Posted Sep 14, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Don't You Forget About Me

The first time I saw New York City was from my sister’s 1983 Nissan Maxima, wedged in the middle of the backseat between my parents. At age twelve or so—and really at any age—your first encounter with the city is... Continue reading

Posted Sep 9, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Bring Back the Farrah.

I think you should know this about me up front: I have no feather in my hair. Frankly, I fear the feather. What terrifies me most about it is the potential of being called out by teenagers in public places... Continue reading

Posted Aug 28, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Empty Nest Syndrome

Just outside our front door, in the little nook where the column meets the porch overhang, a little gray and brown bird has built a nest. I think she’s a pretty smart bird, actually—her nest is shaded from the heat... Continue reading

Posted Jun 28, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Surprise

Everyone has a little bit of Oprah in us--we don't like surprises. And that's really what happens when things don't turn out the way we planned. Like marriage, life is for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, for sickness... Continue reading

Posted May 21, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Baby Steps

My very first blog post says something pithy like, "Writers write." Yes, they do. And apparently they also do laundry, shuttle kids to baseball games, pack lunches and waste time on Facebook. I started this blog so that I would... Continue reading

Posted Apr 26, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Any Old Ritz Cracker Casserole in a Storm

It's another stormy day here in Dixie Alley. Don't know where that is? I didn't either til a friend mentioned that I was in Tornado Alley--and like a mom whose just been told her kid is both ugly AND deviant,... Continue reading

Posted Apr 15, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Wasting Away Again in Staycationland

It's spring break here in beautiful, budding Franklin, Tennessee, which means that nearly all of our county is in the Destin, Florida, area at this moment. And those who aren't are staycationing at any child-friendly locale in the city. Who... Continue reading

Posted Mar 23, 2011 at WordMom.com

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That Was Easy

I have a Kevin-Bacon-type of friend (you know, a six degrees of separation thing) who has written a new novel that's coming out in June. My fabulous group of book clubbers has agreed that we'll all read it, and it... Continue reading

Posted Mar 13, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Tiger Blood and Mrs. Betty's Legacy

Charlie Sheen's kids may be too young to understand Daddy's crazy rantings and ravings now, but one day they will. Rest assured there will be a place in the history books (or more accurately, the internet) where we can always... Continue reading

Posted Mar 5, 2011 at WordMom.com

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In the Middle of My Little Mess

My new favorite song right now is a ditty by Francesca Batistelli called "This is the Stuff," which opens with a bit of ukelele. Because what this world is missing right now is more ukelele songs. Actually, it's because she... Continue reading

Posted Feb 15, 2011 at WordMom.com

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And the Winner of the Shady Rest Wet T-Shirt Contest is....

Last night I finally went to see Black Swan, and found myself disturbed. It wasn't Portman's character's descent into paranoia that bothered me, although yes, that was sublimely odd. It wasn't even the bizarre relationship with her mother, a former... Continue reading

Posted Jan 23, 2011 at WordMom.com

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Congrats on the wedding! I can't imagine you are one of the only 4 people in the universe who hasn't read The Time Traveler's Wife. In the same vein, I would recommend another great series that has time-travel involved but on a greatly reduced level--Outlander by Diana Gabaldon. She is a fascinating author and I have no idea how she keeps that much information straight in her head AND makes you that interested in the romance aspect.

Commented Jan 7, 2011 on Romance Me at Hey, There's A Dead Guy in the Living Room

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One-One-One-One

Given the date, coupled with my completely slothful approach to the day, I felt it necessary to check in with the first blog of 2011. Seems like a good thing to do. And it will help me continue to avoid... Continue reading

Posted Jan 1, 2011 at WordMom.com

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The Year We Lost Contact

In 1984, I was 13 years old--still wearing large tinted glasses and barely old enough to hang out with the youth group at church. But I did, and thought I was super cool. Being 1984, perhaps I thought I was... Continue reading

Posted Dec 27, 2010 at WordMom.com

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Consider This Your Christmas Letter

I am just sitting here. Let me restate--it is December 10, and I am just sitting here. Many women I know are hyperventilating right now just reading that statement, as their seven-dozen Christmas cookies are cooling on the rack and... Continue reading

Posted Dec 10, 2010 at WordMom.com

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Chirp, Chirp.

I do not Twitter. Or Tweet. If you really want to know what a 39-year-old mother of two does and thinks every moment of her day, there are about 4 million mommyblogs with funny pictures of cute children and poop... Continue reading

Posted Dec 1, 2010 at WordMom.com

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Navel Gazing and Jello Salad...Not Necessarily in That Order

My ego and I are battling it out this morning. And I'm not yet sure who is going to win. The elementary school guidance counselor sent home sort of a 'career day' form--you know, the "tell us about your cool... Continue reading

Posted Nov 29, 2010 at WordMom.com

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Just Add Laughter

I'm flashing back to the end of our church youth musical, when the lights were dimmed, the audience had settled back down after a standing ovation for our rousing, if off-key, finale, and we joined arm-in-arm and wept openly as... Continue reading

Posted Nov 18, 2010 at WordMom.com

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