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Joshua Donellan
Author, poet, partially functional human.
Interests: writing. teaching. learning. being. forgetting. remembering. scrawling poems on xrays or in chalk on footpaths for no reason at all. bringing the funk
Recent Activity
Just submit your application as outlined above and I'll consider it with the others. I'm sure you'd play a much sharper guitar solo than anyone at penguin.
Diet Tips from the Vampire Girl With a Dragon Tattoo Who Played a Game of Thrones With Fire
Good Morrow to you, Sirs and Madams of the Big Six consortium of publishers! I trust you are well. Before I tell you about the EXCITING!!!! opportunity I am offering you today, I have to ask, are you ever concerned by the fact that your informal collective moniker sounds like some kind of crime ...
Oh thanks, I hadn't heard of the versatile blogger award thing before. But I like being nominated for things. Unless it's a Razzie or something of course.
How To Do Your Xmas Shopping Without Losing Your Will To Live
I hate shopping. And not just because I'm an 'anti-consumerist hippie.' I hate trying stuff on, I hate waiting in queues and I hate the fact that stores play insufferable techno music with a high BPM that is specifically selected to impair your impulse control systems. "You know, I thought th...
That's certainly looking at the glass half full, yes. Unfortunately it's a glass hall full of bitter tears and angst, but still...
My Dearest Target
My Dearest Target, How are you? I trust you are enjoying the start of the Christmas period, which I imagine major retailers look forward to with all the anticipation of a sex addict awaiting a holiday in Ibiza. Yesterday I was perusing your shelves in search of a toiletries bag that I had beli...
you know where to find me!
The String Bridge is a thing that you should acquire post-haste.
Dearest humans and computer literate apes of earth, I come with glad tidings! My friend and fellow 100 Stories for Queensland contributor, Jessica Bell, has just released her new book The String Bridge. Recent research indicates that acquiring this book will make you more attractive, intel...
Why thank you Sir or possibly Madam. This comment clearly identifies you as a non-jerk. Congratulations! Stop by any time.
Jerks vs. the internet
Good morrow to you Sirs and Madams! If you are reading this, then you are clearly the owner of 1 x internet. Congratulations! You now have access to an incredible information network featuring 231 million pictures of cats and a tumblr site that documents Buffy outfits! Not only this but the mag...
I demand it AT GUNPOINT. The other day I had to read some terrible pink sparkly genie school malarkey that hurt my eyes and soul. We need a lot less of that, and more harmonicas and steampunk in children's fiction.
Zeb and the Great Ruckus: coming at you like a rampaging bewilderbeast in 2012
You might recall a little over a year ago I posted that I had finished my children’s fantasy novel Zeb and the Great Ruckus, and went on to describe how it would transform your child into a ninja-scientist-guitar-soloing human rights champion. Well, it’s taken a while, but I have finally inked a...
Ahaha I count it as my first novel. In the same way that Tori Amos counts 'little earthquakes' and not 'y kant tori read?' as her first album. The others were just warm ups, which is something most authors do, although not many people are aware of this.
The bewilderbeast IS the badly drawn boy reference!
Zeb and the Great Ruckus: coming at you like a rampaging bewilderbeast in 2012
You might recall a little over a year ago I posted that I had finished my children’s fantasy novel Zeb and the Great Ruckus, and went on to describe how it would transform your child into a ninja-scientist-guitar-soloing human rights champion. Well, it’s taken a while, but I have finally inked a...
You are my favourite dick (well, you and Dick Van Dyke).* I didn't write the blurb my friend, but being that it's spec fic there may have been some liberties taken with the truth...
* I don't actually like him at all.
Eighty Nine now available for pre-order
The Eighty Nine anthology is now available for pre-order within Australia. This compilation features my contribution The Story Bridge, guaranteed to be the most hilarious sci fi story you'll read about attempted suicide all year. It is highly recommended that you purchase between 5 and 500 copie...
why thankyou sirs and Madams. I'm still waiting on a response. I've tried calling but can't get through. Could be something to do with the 1000 staff they cut last week. THE JERKS.
Explosions in the sky
My Dearest Qantas, My name is Josh Donellan and I am a person and, far more importantly, a Qantas frequent flyer. Recently, upon returning from India via Singapore I flew on flight QF52 which was supposed to take me to Brisbane. (Note the use of the word ‘supposed.’) I rate the customer service ...
Thanks Fi, it's all pretty hilarious now. Which is far preferable to screaming, screeching fear of death, which was what it was at the time. Yay for not dying!
Explosions in the sky
My Dearest Qantas, My name is Josh Donellan and I am a person and, far more importantly, a Qantas frequent flyer. Recently, upon returning from India via Singapore I flew on flight QF52 which was supposed to take me to Brisbane. (Note the use of the word ‘supposed.’) I rate the customer service ...
and it loves you too!
New York Limes best smelling author
Dearest Interwebs, as you are probably aware, I am an author. An author is a bit like a politician in that we are paid money to make up lies, but an author does this extremely well for almost no money whereas a politician does this very badly for lots of money and sometimes a moat. Like most aut...
This could become, you know, a thing. I'm going to form some sort of alliance. Still waiting to hear back from the grocery stores, THE JERKS.
New York Limes best smelling author
Dearest Interwebs, as you are probably aware, I am an author. An author is a bit like a politician in that we are paid money to make up lies, but an author does this extremely well for almost no money whereas a politician does this very badly for lots of money and sometimes a moat. Like most aut...
I don't begrudge someone's right to enjoy a sporting event. I do, however object to being asked 'what are ya a bloody poof or sumthin???' If I make the mistake of mentioning I'm not a football fan.
I mean, I fucking LOVE mogwai. But if someone tells me that they are a terrible band I don't spit in their face and vociferously insult them. Likewise after a gig I don't run around pissing in the street, smash things and yell 'UP THE MIGHTY MOGWAI!' at random strangers who honestly couldn't give a shit about scottish post-rock.
In conclusion: Why can't we all just get along and have a big tea party with rainbows and guitar solos? THE END
State of Origin: yet another thing that I don't care about but apparently should
The State of Origin, according to many people, is the most important event in human history EVER (despite the fact that it happens every year). Citizens who accuse religious types of being zealous moronic imbeciles will, at this time of year, be reduced a tiny trembling mass of tears depending...
thanks Jen! Its been slightly delayed but should be out soon!
100 Stories for QLD
Dearest humans of earth. These are times, no question about it. We've had floods and cyclones and enough strange and near-apocalyptic weather that people are beginning to wonder if that terrible John Cusask movie 2012 wasn't actually a documentary filmed in the future. The good news is...
I'm sure you are one of the few people in the world who can pull off the yellow jumpsuit Hannah! Yay mutual blog admiration! Or, as I like to call it, Mutlogiration!
The Price is Free
Dear the Government, How are you? I know that you are rather busy unreasonably oppressing refugess in direct violation of the UN charter that you signed, but I wondered if you might address something for me. The thing is; I love libraries. At a library I can instantly attain one of the thi...
How funny, I never wanted her to be a writer either. Also I have to pick your brains about some writing type things. Will send an email soon. Looking forward to 'Foley Russell!'
350 PROJECT
The art of writing is by its very nature hermetic. It’s one of the few jobs in the world where being a depressed, introverted alcoholic may actually be of assistance. Well, that and claims adjusting perhaps. + + x = this is a summation of everything I learnt in 3 year...
"I keeeeeeeeell you..."
THE INAUGURAL JM DONELLAN AWARD FOR A SHORT STORY ABOUT ANYTHING EXCEPT VAMPIRES.
You may have heard of vampires. These lovable sun-loathing scamps have populated the pages of novels ever since the early something-forties. I used to be quite found of vampire stories, the intrigue of immortality and all that gaff, but I am now, unequivocally, irrevocably, MOTHERFUCKING...
my words are: angstxiety (not a misspelling), psychosomatic, lemon sorbet and haiku.
Blogstory!
Welcome to an interactive wonderland of original short stories and poems! I invite you to send me a handful of words, a theme or even just a vague notion and I will incorporate them into your own cacophony of words, mixed in together like cake batter and topped with the icing of imagination. ...
Ok, maybe Poky isn't the worst of the bunch, but those damn golden books. SO sexist and SO racist. Such classic 50s whitebread values. Blech.
Just throw your cousins a few primus albums and a copy of "the Northern lights." That'll sort em out for the interim.
How to Turn Your Child Into a ninja-scientist-guitar-soloing-human rights champion in one easy step.
Last week I finished my first ever children’s novel, Zeb and the Great Ruckus. I don't want to give too much of the story away, but I can tell you it will feature the following: This is a story for parents who aren’t white picket fence upper middle class starbucks and sunday paper t...
Joshua Donellan is now following The Typepad Team
Mar 15, 2010
The book has a helluva lot more value than the geetar! You can purchase it from dymocks or here:
http://is.gd/a7qFH in exchange for the monies which can be in turn obtained from various careers such as robbing 7-11s, prostitution or becoming the CEO of a multinational corporation.
Bidding for the geetar is currently at $3.26, which is approximately $3.25 more than it is worth.
>>>Crappy, possibly cursed acoustic guitar for...
>>>Crappy, possibly cursed acoustic guitar for sale: http://is.gd/a00RF
That's a relief. I did write it just for you.
TOUR DIARY: KING OF THE PENGUINS & HANGING OUT AT THE ASYLUM
Well well well, who knew a promo tour could be so much fun huh? I wasn't exactly sure what a writers promo tour would entail, I mean, I assumed that there would be vast quantities of A-grade cocaine, plasma screen TVs thrown out of 5 star hotel windows and fistfights with police, but other than ...
Ha! That's very risque, but I don't think that Oprah would approve...
A BEGINNER'S GUIDE TO DYING IN INDIA BY JM DONELLAN, REVIEWED BY JM DONELLAN
It's been a busy week. I've been flat out organising the interstate tour and doing radio interviews (you know it's going to be quality airtime when the guy out of the front of the station greets you with a joint in his hand). My novel was finally released in Australia this week, and man, Oprah w...
Actually, I was conceived in a petri dish, incubated in a lab humidifier and raised by robot wolves. Does that mean...ewww..with a ROBOT WOLF? you are messed up girl.
VAMPIRES, ROCKSTARS, TWITTER AND MY BOOK (WHICH MENTIONS NONE OF THESE).
My debut novel, A Beginner's Guide to Dying in India, was released in America last week. Although it won't see release here in Australia until next month, I was obviously fairly excited to be a thrilling 683,960th on amazon.com's sales ranking. This means that there are exactly 683 959 books tha...
What's your address? I'll mail you the first chapter and a piece of mouldy cheese.
VAMPIRES, ROCKSTARS, TWITTER AND MY BOOK (WHICH MENTIONS NONE OF THESE).
My debut novel, A Beginner's Guide to Dying in India, was released in America last week. Although it won't see release here in Australia until next month, I was obviously fairly excited to be a thrilling 683,960th on amazon.com's sales ranking. This means that there are exactly 683 959 books tha...
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