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Reporters told this Tuesday's Rose Garden ceremony will be "One for the history books". Continue reading
Posted Nov 22, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Visitors also advised to “Pay No Attention” to the president’s dirty fingernails, dented and scratched spoons and chisels on Resolute Desk. Continue reading
Posted Nov 21, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Trump Pardons Turkish President Recep Tayyip Erdoğan in Rose Garden Ceremony Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
FBI offers no explanation. In a totally unrelated news story, Google searches for "Secret Subterranean Aquatic Tunnels from 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue to Potomac River" up 3000%. Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Kayleigh McEnany's response to a White House reporter noting that “Denial isn’t just a river in Egypt, you know." Continue reading
Posted Nov 13, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
“Screw all that,” says Nate Silver, “From now on I’m sticking to the I Ching.” Continue reading
Posted Nov 12, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"We haven't seen numbers like this since "Top Gun" came out,” says RayBan spokesman. Continue reading
Posted Nov 7, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Initially delighted by the prospect ("A threefer!") of being rid of criticism ("So unfair") from retiring Washington Post editorial cartoonist Tom Toles, getting to name his replacement with "Some Trump-friendlier guy" ("How about Dilbert? He still likes me, right?"), and, as a bonus, sticking it to the paper's owner and long-time enemy and for-real billionaire Jeff Bezos, President Trump flew into a characteristic rage when informed that doing so was not within his presidential powers. Aides were finally able to calm the president by assuring him that nobody but Washington Post readers read the Washington Post and that, yes, people... Continue reading
Posted Oct 31, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Runners-up included "Typhoid Putz", "Comorbidity One", "Superspreader". Continue reading
Posted Oct 5, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Headline on report of the reaction by White House medical advisor Scott Atlas when he was told about Trump's Positive COVID-19 Test Result. Continue reading
Posted Oct 1, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
The campaign has also hired Gary Busey and Randy Quaid to spar with the former Vice President in practice sessions for the upcoming debates. "Either of them alone wasn't enough," said a Biden campaign staffer, "We believe that only Busey and Quaid together, sharing the podium at the same time, talking over the Vice President, the moderator each other and the voices in their heads could come anywhere close to the experience of facing Donald Trump on the debate stage," adding, "This will provide Mr. Biden with a beneficial workout and be damn fun to watch." Continue reading
Posted Sep 30, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Trumpoline \trump-oh-leen\ noun, verb, whatever... does it even matter anymore? To experience multiple, dramatic, sudden and unexpected emotional ups and downs every day for an extended period of time (four years, say), that, however entertaining, leaves you in a perpetual state of exhaustion. "Dating Pat was like being on a trumpoline with no way off." Continue reading
Posted Sep 29, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
If Trump Loses: All the President’s Mendacity Trump’s Tweets from Jail Team of Risibles The Elephant in the Room From Russia With Love, Vlad: Transcripts from the Putin/Trump phone calls 2016-2020 The Unredacted Mueller Report Humpty Trumpty: After the Fall Sorry/Not Sorry: Trump Loyalists' Top Excuses Fifty Shades of Schadenfreude The Joy of Locking Them Up If Trump Wins: Sir: Fan Letters to Dear Leader Art of the Deal (reissue with new forward by Vladimir Putin) Feudalism for Dummies: Preparing for Life in the Newly Great Again America Let’s Go: Anywhere But Here! Moving Abroad in a Hurry and On... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2020 at Ant Farmer's Almanac