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Lairbo
Recent Activity
Court reverses another long established precedent. Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"On her way in, she loses a few bucks, and on her way out, she loses again," says dealer Jake (Just "Jake"), "I can't believe all the years I wasted doing this in Times Square." Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Ant Farmer's Almanac
At NRA convention, Wayne LaPierre, Ted Cruz and Donald Trump declare evil, not guns, to be the cause of mass shootings. Continue reading
Posted May 28, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
A significant percentage of those questioned were too busy banging their heads against a wall to complete the survey. Continue reading
Posted May 21, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
“I thought I was doing pretty well, there” said the unnamed individual whose preferred pronouns are presumably he/him/buddy/bub/sport/fella/boyo/guy/hey you/jack, “I guess I blew it when I ordered Mexican takeout and ended the call saying, ‘Gracias, Hon.’ I'm told I was employing the patriarchy to commit micro-aggression and cultural insensitivity,” adding,“I mean, jeez, I just wanted some guacamole, it’s not like I asked them to put pineapple on a pizza.” Continue reading
Posted May 11, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"Goodness!" exclaimed the Maine senator, "I had no idea I had so many cars!" Continue reading
Posted May 5, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Who wrote the book of love Whether or not it’s butter Who’s on first When to hold ‘em, when to fold ‘em, when to walk away, when to run Who put the ram in the rama lama ding dong Your or You’re How many days hath September Why this night is different than all other nights Which Amendment to plead Her oath of office Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"It won't be for the faint of heart," warns famed naturalist. Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
While being questioned under oath, the Georgia representative also couldn't remember what she had for dinner last night, where her car keys were or whether she has a "twin sister" who might run in her place her should she be disqualified. Continue reading
Posted Apr 22, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Caitlyn Jenner explains her signing on as a contributor to Fox News. Continue reading
Posted Apr 2, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
“People are saying it was Biden’s dog, the dead one, Champ, that ate the phones,” insists the former president, “All I know is that eating that many phones and that much paper couldn’t be good for a dog, so his death is really the owner's fault, and how and why he was in the White House while I was still president — not that I’m not now — needs to be thoroughly investigated. I’ve asked for Putin’s help but, I think if we get Hunter Biden in front of a grand jury, we’ll get some answers.” Continue reading
Posted Apr 1, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
GOP responds to Madison Cawthorn's statement about being asked to join in congressional sex parties. Continue reading
Posted Mar 31, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Text message from Russian President to Fox News Host adds, “Bring friends. Many, many friends. Also tanks.” Continue reading
Posted Mar 19, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
“It was either that,” say the series’ producers, “Or spin off into Planet of the Apes territory and have them gain the power of speech and face off against humanity, or aliens, or, I dunno, Godzilla and his whole roster of arch enemies. Maybe Batman. Clearly, we got nothing.” Continue reading
Posted Mar 17, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
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My latest book, Karen in Wonderland, is now available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble (.com). Illustrated by my lovely and talented wife, Deborah Berk. Continue reading
Posted Mar 8, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
“Not a word,” whined the former U.S. President about Putin’s lack of acknowledgement, “Not so much as a wink. Does he think it was a coincidence? I mean, whaddaya have to do to please this guy? I’ve tried everything!” Continue reading
Posted Mar 6, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Docudrama of potato chip and snack food dynasty said to be "Succession" meets "Modern Family". Continue reading
Posted Mar 2, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"On the one hand," says the late Senator (R-WI) remembered as the Red Baiter and instigator of 1950s anti-communist blacklisting, "I'm proud and delighted the GOP is still using my strategy tactics for kneecapping opponents – innuendo, lies and slander but," he adds with what's left of his furrowed brow, "They're doing it to help a Russian dictator bent on world domination, so, yeah, I dunno." A spokesman for McCarthy says a final decision will be made, 'Fairly soon'. Continue reading
Posted Feb 26, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
480 BC Persian Army's Legitimate Political Discourse with 300 Spartans at Thermopylae. 1066 Normans Legitimately Politically Discourse Anglo-Saxons at Battle of Hastings. 1588 Heavy Storms Disrupt Spanish Armada’s Legitimate Political Discourse with England 1789 Legitimate Political Discourse Begun at Bastille Dominates France for Next Decade. 1815 Wellington Out-Legitimately-Political-Discourses Napolean at Waterloo. 1836 Davy Crockett Heroically Defends Alamo From Mexico’s Legitimate Political Discourse. 1876 Custer’s Seventh Cavalry Loses Legitimate Political Discourse with Sioux at Little Big Horn. 1927 Al Capone Legitimately Politically Discourses Seven of Bugs Moran’s Gang on St. Valentine’s Day. 1937 Pablo Picasso Memorializes Recent Legitimate Political Discourse in... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
Scooping the team's official announcement by only a couple of hours, the celebrated Pennsylvania groundhog, known for "predicting" the duration of winter, followed up seeing his own shadow with the surprise announcement that the Washington DC football team formerly known as the Redskins will now be known as the "Commanders". Continue reading
Posted Feb 2, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
MSNBC denies rumor that Michael Richards was invited to fill in but acknowledges that, while Keith Olbermann would be welcome, "Nobody's seen him lately or even knows where he is at the moment." Continue reading
Posted Feb 1, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
¶¶ Went in looking for Letters of Transit but just got pestered by some creep trying to sell me cheap jewelry. ¶ Nothing here for a Yank hankering for a taste of home. Why is it even “Rick’s Café Americain” when everybody there is a foreigner, from the Russian bartender to the French croupier to the Hungarian(?) waiter? ¶¶¶ Good piano player although his repertoire tends toward the melancholy, occasionally interrupted by spontaneous crowd singalongs of “La Marseillaise”. ¶ Blue Parrot across the street serves better tapas and stronger drinks. ¶¶¶¶ Went to Casablanca for the waters; was disappointed until... Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac
"Not only was it morally and ethically wrong," stated Prime Minister Boris Johnson, in reaction to the results of an official inquiry into multiple pandemic rule-breaking parties held at the Prime Minister's residence, "But it was indefensibly rude," he continued, "To not have been invited to a social event in my own house while I was present. I sincerely regret, after walking into a room full of my staff drinking and dancing to raucous music, that I didn't recognize the situation for what it was, but I don't see how I can be held responsible for the behavior of people... Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2022 at Ant Farmer's Almanac