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Spurious
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I don’t think we’ve ever drunk enough – that’s the problem. We’ve never reached perfect drunkenness. Or if we have, we haven’t sustained it. We haven’t let drunkenness carry us with it. We’ve never followed its movement. There’s a drunkenness we have to reach. It takes training. It isn’t easy.... Continue reading
Posted 5 days ago at Void
Cicero, in his cups. Cicero, drinking. Epically. Heroically. All day. And now he’s reached an end of the day wisdom. A whisky wisdom. A coming of night wisdom. Cicero, calm. Cicero, wise, with the wisdom of God. He knows what God knows. He’s Certain, with the Certainty of God. Cicero’s... Continue reading
Posted 5 days ago at Void
I don’t know what to do. I feel … posthumous. Like I died long ago. And I’m just outliving myself. I’m living for … nothing. I’m doing nothing. Nothing good. You thrive on this. On this … nihilism. This is what you like. Fuck. How do you keep going? What... Continue reading
Posted 6 days ago at Void
I swear time’s slowing down. It’s supposed to go quickly when you’ve having fun. Is that what we’re doing: having fun? Write something for me. To me. I’ll send you a love letter. Okay, then. Send me one. Maybe sure it stands out. An old style love letter. By post.... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
I admit it: I like your intellect. There, I’ve said it. But I do. I like your dedication. I like the fact that you really want to do something. Even if I like the idea of distracting you from doing anything. I like your ambition. I find comical. And charming,... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
Heavy drinking. Is that what we’re doing? Are we heavy drinkers now? Are we drink-dependent? We need it – we need drink. We need the evening’s oblivion. We need the evening’s wipe-out. We need to cross ourselves out with alcohol. Of course we do. We shouldn’t pretend we’re not otherwise.... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
Hoping for a twist in our despair. Hoping for a turn in our despair. And that’s all we can hope for: that our despair might change direction. That our despair might change quality. Might taste different. Might offer itself in another tone. Another flavour. To be absorbed by the black... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
We gasp like fish at the surface of the water. We gasp into the open air. We gasp, and we don’t know what we’re gasping for. We look up, and we don’t know what we’re looking at. We see the sky, and we don’t know what it is. Are we... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
Drunken philosophy – our specialism. Bar philosophy. Bar thoughts. That we could not have thought otherwise. So our drunken nights will not have been in vain. So we’ll understand them as a quest. As a search. So we’ll describe ourselves as ascetics of drinking. As busy with drinking-ascesis. Ours will... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
See, if we drank ourselves to death now, there’d be no one to say, What a shame. They showed such promise. What they could have been, were it not for their fatal flaw. It’s too early to develop a drink problem, really. We still haven’t shown any promise. We haven’t... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
Drinking our way to what? Drink, leading us where? We’re losing control. And drinking puts us back in control of something again. We know where the evening’s heading. Do we? An acceleration into the night. A rushing into nothingness. Is that it? Our Yearnings, greater than we are. What we... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
We’re always at a remove from everything, aren’t we? We’re always stepping out of the moment and looking down at it. Or looking up at it. Or looking sideways at it. But we’re never in it, are we? Or perhaps you are. But I’m not. Don’t get me wrong –... Continue reading
Posted 7 days ago at Void
One day we’ll ... One day we’ll what? Just disappear. Blow away. This is what living at the coast does to you. You have all these fantasies. Maybe we’re becoming each other. Exchanging molecules, or something. I’m a bit you and you’re a bit me. Wouldn’t you like that? We’re... Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2022 at Void
If you met someone else, I’d be jealous. Which makes me think you should be more jealous of my husband. Unbearably jealous. Do you like that thought? I like to matter – everyone wants to matter. Make a difference in the world. Be someone for whom someone else would live... Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2022 at Void
You take me seriously because you find me attractive or whatever. Because you think I have allure. I’m fascinating for the moment, right? Because I make you think things. Because I’m the occasion for your thoughts. Because you like to be in love, or whatever. You like to be yourself... Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2022 at Void
Time doesn’t seem to matter here. It doesn’t flow at the usual speed. It doesn’t flow, really. It’s, like, an interlude. Between what and what? Between life and life. You mean this is death. This is another kind of life. I feel like we’ve got lost in the afternoon and... Continue reading
Posted Nov 19, 2022 at Void
News: they’re moving philosophy to chemical engineering. General shock. Can they do this sort of thing? Without consultation? Is it allowed? Apparently. Puzzlement: who’s behind it? Whose idea has this? The dean of the sciences? The dean of arts? The uni president himself? Continue reading
Posted Sep 21, 2022 at Disgust
New novel: working title, Disgust. Continue reading
Posted Sep 7, 2022 at Disgust
Out in a year or so from Melville House, my new novel, Simone Weil. Continue reading
Posted Aug 4, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
Evening. Gita and I, walking to the off-license. A man in the alleyway, beckoning to us. A bedraggled man, a broken man, beckoning, come, come. What does he want?, I ask. What do you think he wants?, Gita says. Come on, Donny. Gita, pulling me away. Walking. It’s like he... Continue reading
Posted Jul 1, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
The postgraduate is a person of time, not space. The postgraduate has been torn from the earth in exile. Our roots are planted upward. We live in a state of constant expectation. Postgraduates bear the apocalyptic seed. We inhabit the antiworld. The postgraduate world has its prophets. Ganymede is one... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
Without lamentation, there’d be no alternative to the natural order. It’d just be immanence all the way. The divine has nothing to do with this world. If the redemption came, we wouldn’t understand it. We have to let the world go. That’s all we can do. The sooner the world... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
Burning love – that’s what I want. For stigmata to appear on my palms and feet. The height of death: that’s I want to attain. A … religious suicide. An autosacrifice. A supplication. An annihilating peace – that’s what I want. For my soul to be quiet. Some incandescent nihilism.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
He wants to be a sacred being, Ganymede says. To be the truth in some way. To testify it. To be nothing other than the truth. A saint – that’s what being a saint means. He wants to turn his life into poetry, Ganymede says. He wants to communicate with... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Simone Weil novel
See you guys are always looking up at the sky and complaining, Gita says. You’re always going on about the sublime and the disaster. But life is horizontal. It’s right here. It’s our singular lives, right here on Earth. It’s stupid, ordinary life. You’re frustrated Christians, Gita says. You’re craving... Continue reading
Posted Jun 16, 2022 at Simone Weil novel