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Pensacola, FL, USA, Planet Earth
Sharing my peculiar gifts and sharing my ability to make people feel uncomfortable.. in the hope that it will wake them up enough to SHARE their own gifts!
Interests: spirituality, psychology, relationships, Soul-volution, human sexuality, amusement parks, bodies of water, sunshine, games and puzzles, ballroom & Latin dancing, communicating, looking at the clouds, motivational speaking, cleaning out the bullshit in your head & kicking skeleton ass, overcoming childhood trauma, building self-esteem, 70's music, anything that provides wisdom and occasionally being a pain in the butt.. but most of all.. just being a HUGE pain in the ASS!
Recent Activity
I have discovered recently that there is NO finish line. There is only being. I used to feel as if I had some goal to reach, Something I had to do, someone I had to talk to, somewhere I had to be. I was young. I was evolving (and still am). Right now I am simply here. I spent the day in this blog reading about me and my journey. (So many memories, so much time). I now know that I expect too much from others (reiterated by my boss just this week). I used to think that I was pushing "them" to be more. To be who they could be. But I read a post about how I hated when other people tried to put me in a box.. - so who am I to put them in one? I had my time as the 'guru'. I have had 'friends' who came to me for guidance. And I learned from them while sharing what I had learned. But it seems to be no more. I would love to believe that I helped them in some small way. Life is a revolving door. People come and go. Sometimes they stick around and sometimes they don't. It would be nice if everyone lived by their words but humans are just human after all. Like I said, I expect too much of others. I have come to accept the fact that no one but ME can meet my expectations. And who am I to expect them to? How rude of me to put that on others. But I keep doing it. I guess that's what I was doing last December when my 'BFF' got angry at me. I can't be sure though because she never told me why she was mad. I tried to push and ask her what she was mad about but she avoided and we went on with dinner. Maybe I will never know. Seven months later I still don't know why. I guess I have to accept that and move on but yet I still miss my "BFF". We used to joke about growing old, sitting in rocking chairs overlooking the beach. Now she's no where to be found. It could be that she is on her journey and I am on mine and our paths are divergent. It's very hard to let go but if that is... Continue reading
Posted Jul 9, 2016 at Echoes of Why
I never like being reminded of what I "could have been". I never like being told what "I could be". It seems I'm caught somewhere in the middle. Although I still don't like it. Other people will ALWAYS have their opinion, and whether you agree with it or not - that opinion belongs to them - so respect it. Continue reading
Posted Aug 10, 2015 at Echoes of Why
If anyone ever tells you to give the 'best that you can' and then tells you that it wasn't good enough.. punch them in the face. As long as you know deep within yourself that you gave your best... you did what they asked. Continue reading
Posted Oct 1, 2013 at Echoes of Why
Sometimes I think that humans were better off as cavemen. Where grunts and groans got the message across. NO room for personal perception. NO room for personal interpretation. NO room for "what does the other person mean by that?". It was SO FUCKING SIMPLE! CAN IT PLEASE BE AGAIN????!!! At times I wonder if technology will be the downfall of humans. Everyone is SO engrossed with their smart phones and Facebook and Twitter and Pinterest (or whatever). As if humans never communicated with one another without pictures or "likes" or "pins" or "status updates". Communication these days is a tricky thing. We text and email and Facebook but something gets lost along the way. There is no body language, no voice inflection, no facial expression. What there IS is a whole lot of room for "interpretation" and misunderstanding. I have had even my closest friends ask, "what did you mean by that?" or "were you referring to me (in that post)?". Being human is complicated enough already! We don't need to create more ways to screw up communicating but it seems that is what technology is doing. I think that we are devolving instead of evolving when it comes to human relationships and interaction and it makes me scared for the future. Continue reading
Posted Sep 28, 2013 at Echoes of Why
After one year in management, I have learned a lot about myself. (After 46 years of life I'm STILL learning about myself) The biggest thing is that I expect too much of others. That I should learn to NOT hold others to the same standard I live by or hold myself to. When my boss first told me this in my performance evaluation I said, "so you're saying I should lower my standards?". She said "No. But you have to realize that NO ONE beside YOU will be able to meet such a high mark." In other words, I'm a freak on the Island of Misfit Toys. I'm actually alright with that... as long as I have company :o) I would love to believe that there is someone who STRIVES to meet such a mark who I have yet to meet. A girl can dream, right? I think I have grown a lot in my management style as far as being realistic in my expectations.. at least professionally. Personally - I'm still struggling with this. Is it asking too much for another person to be as forthright and honest as I am? "At first glance, being honest seems like a fairly simple thing to do. At the very least, the criterion for it seems concise and comprehensible: DON'T LIE." A friend once told me, and it matches the way I have raised my 3 sons: "Don't be a DICK". So.. would I want someone to lie to me because they were worried that it might hurt my feelings? YES: because it means they are NOT a DICK. AND because it means that they care enough to NOT want to hurt my feelings. NO: because it is MY choice to allow my feelings to be hurt. Lying to me would hurt my feelings far worse (and more permanently) than the truth would. Sometimes people lie to protect themselves from a "possible" negative reaction that MIGHT make THEM feel bad. This PISSES ME THE FUCK OFF! It is selfish, cowardly and completely UNFAIR. It's UNFAIR to attach feelings or a reaction to the other person that they haven't even had yet. So..I prefer to have the truth no matter what. Continue reading
Posted Sep 27, 2013 at Echoes of Why
It's been SO long. I have paid the monthly fee to keep this blog alive for so long,and at times I wonder 'why'.. I know I have a problem with letting go. But for some reason I think my past journey in writing 'might' help someone. Even ONE person would be enough.. I've received affirmation that it has. I've been told that what I have to say matters. That is enough for me to keep this alive. The category of this post pretty much sums up the last handful of years.. WTF?! How did so much time go by?.. while I was busy raising kids, trying to earn a living, trying to find my Soul mate, trying to freely give my gifts... I guess it's true about time flying.. Regardless... not "irregardless" mind you... I am WHERE and WHO and HOW and WHY.. I AM. I'm just trying to survive being human. Learning and growing each day.. that's all I wish for every other human being.. I'm comfortable. This probably means I'm about to experience a Category 5 hurricane.. BRING IT!! Continue reading
Posted Sep 13, 2013 at Echoes of Why
The theme for my Labor Weekend seems to be relaxing and laughing. The second I do ridiculously easy; the first, NOT so much. But today I'm doing a good job! Reading and Mental and giving my brain a break with some humor. And then I get led here: Insane in the Mom Brain I've been following this chick on Facebook for a while now but for some reason I just now found her blog and her About Me! She has found a way to live out loud and become insanely popular because she's funny as all FUCK! I sent her a message and told her she "should start a franchise"! And now I have that bug in my brain rolling around (no I'm not getting 'serious' - bullshit, yes you are - I love arguing with myself!)..."marketing ideas" - gonna let it roll around a while :) I want to know what BIBS stood for! Angela named a group of women and we were all drunk and none of us can remember what it stood for! But..back to the Lesson: This "leg" of my journey involves learning how to better use my natural ability to be a smart-ass to make people laugh (and think), and get to know ME. I am already practicing at work :) And now I go back to reading funny shit from the cool chick (lest I go back to being serious)! Continue reading
Posted Sep 2, 2012 at Echoes of Why
I have finally grown comfortable with being a MOTHER! YAY! Happy Dance! I do not have to go into details but all of "my three sons" are making their way... and I know that I helped them along the way :) Continue reading
Posted Sep 1, 2012 at Echoes of Why
Come stand by me. If you are a devil, stand up. If you are a villain, a madman, a beast, If you are a strowler, a prowler, a priest, If you are a dragon come sit at our feast, For we all have stripes, and we all have horns, We all have scales, tails, manes, claws and thorns And here in the dark is where new worlds are born. Come stand by me.” — A Monstrous Manifesto, by Catherynne M. Valente Continue reading
Posted Aug 24, 2012 at Echoes of Why
For whatever reason.. I'm BACK! Yes I realize it's been a year since I typed anything here and 2-3 since I really "wrote" here - fuck you! I've been busy getting my shit together :o) And holy hell - I really think I'm self-actualizing! This started out with a picture of Graham's Hierarchy of Disagreement. I knew right where I fit. (third from the top if you care). This led me to re-examine Maslow's Hierarchy of Needs: I can actually look back at my journey and see all the stages along the way! And what a ride it's been so far! As a toddler, I had no safety at all. I was forced to do nothing but survive, often fearing if I would even live or die. As an adolescent, the only parents I ever knew decided they didn't love me any more and I was 'transferred' straight to hell. As a teenager, the 3rd foster home was "safe" so, like George Jefferson, "I'm movin' on up". Going to college on a full ride took 2nd seat to "safety".. I never had it, never felt it but DAMN! It's really fucking attractive. I think I can get lost in this safety thing for a while... Um yeah... I stayed and played, clueless to the world around me, for 15 years. I think my Soul got bored and started putting up a fight. Check the progress: 1 divorce, 1 custody battle, 1 failed relationship with a psychopath who became my "first" Soul teacher, 3 years of battling demons and rattling skeletons (while getting fat), 1 "getting my boys back", an extra-strength dose of sexual self-esteem, one gastric bypass surgery and my greatest Soul teacher to date.That period lasted 13 years but I learned at light speed! I achieved self-acceptance, confidence, achievement and self-esteem. Fast forward 2 years, one perfect job at the perfect time, a 1000-mile move away from home (definitely not staying in the cave), comfort & stagnancy, one son finishing college, one son finishing Navy boot camp and one son who wants to be a world-famous architect. Add a shit-ton dose of gratitude, sharing my gifts and doing-it-true and you have my LIFE! This is something like my personal happy dance: But to the music of James Brown: Happy dancin' my way back home :) Continue reading
Posted Aug 24, 2012 at Echoes of Why
I wasn't sure how to get back into writing in this place. But, as has been the case for the past year or so, things just kind of fell into place and here I am. I am SO grateful that I am where I am on this Winter Solstice. Previously at this time, I'd be preparing for Hibernation season. No forward momentum at all. Then I would have to work all Spring just to feel good by Labor Day! NO MORE! THIS Winter Solstice I am in Florida. Where, even though it's cold at night and I need to fake tan again, it's sunny during the day and I don't WANT to hibernate! Thank you! This is such a huge change that I can't help contemplating my term "Soul-stice"... and at the end of a 4 hour contemplation/meditation filled with lots of "round and round in Chris' head" --- I wrote 20 pages!! YEEHAW! Continue reading
Posted Dec 21, 2010 at Echoes of Why
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Mar 15, 2010
Last night was amazing! I spent the evening at the boyfriend’s house – he cooked dinner, we drank, we started out watching another Peter Gabriel concert DVD but I came to the realization that he finds his inspiration visually but for me it comes from listening. I tried to watch, really I did – but words that Paula Cole was singing were “speaking” to me so all I wanted to do was close my eyes and listen to the lyrics. Of course, I had to go look them up - and boy did I find inspiration – yep – the words were perfect for me at that moment (highlighted in red) – check some of the lyrics of the song “Shaking the Tree”: Waiting your time, dreaming of a better life Waiting your time, you're more than just a wife You don't want to do what your mother has done She has done This is your life, this new life has begun It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day Turning the tide, you are on the incoming wave Turning the tide, you know you are nobody's slave Find your Brothers and sisters Who can hear all the truth in what you say They can support you when you're on your way It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day Souma Yergon, Sou Nou Yergon, We are shakin' the tree There's nothing to gain when there's nothing to be lost There's nothing to gain if you stay behind and count the cost Make the decision that you can be who you can be You can be Tasting the fruit come to the Liberty Tree It's your day - a woman's day It's your day - a woman's day Changing your ways, changing those surrounding you Changing your ways, more than any man can do Open your heart, show him the anger and pain, so you heal Maybe he's looking for his womanly side, let him feel You had to be so strong And you do nothing wrong Nothing wrong at all We're gonna to break it down We have to shake it down Shake it all around This was simple confirmation that I am in exactly the right place that I am supposed to be. That I have attracted people into my life that will support me as... Continue reading
Posted Dec 5, 2009 at Echoes of Why
Source: The Powerful, Dominating Type: Self-Confident, Decisive, Willful, and Confrontational Generally, Eights are strong, assertive, resourceful, independent, determined, action-oriented, pragmatic, competitive, straight-talking, shrewd, and insistent. Eights get into conflicts by being blunt, willful, domineering, forceful, defiant, confrontational, bad-tempered, rageful, cynical, and vengeful. At their best, Eights are honorable, heroic, empowering, generous, gentle, constructive, initiating, decisive, and inspiring. Recognizing Eights Type Eight exemplifies the desire to be independent and to take care of oneself. Eights are assertive and passionate about life, meeting it head on with self-confidence and strength. They have learned to stand up for themselves and have a resourceful, "can-do" attitude. They are determined to be self-reliant and free to pursue their own destiny. Thus, Eights are natural leaders: honorable, authoritative, and decisive, with a solid, commanding presence. They take initiative and make things happen, protecting and providing for the people in their lives while empowering others to stand on their own. They embody solidity and courage, using their talents and vision to construct a better world for everyone depending on the range of the influence. Most of all, Eights are people of vision and action. They can take what looks like a useless, broken-down shell of a building and turn it into a beautiful home or office or hospital. Likewise, they see possibilities in people, and they like to offer incentives and challenges to bring out people's strengths. Eights agree with the saying "Give a person a fish and they eat for a day. But teach them how to fish, and they can feed themselves for life." Eights know this is true because they have often taught themselves "how to fish." They are self-starters and enjoy constructive activity—building up themselves, others, and their world. Eights occasionally take on big challenges to see if they can pull off the impossible or turn a hopeless cause into a great success. But they generally do not do so unless they are fairly sure that the odds are on their side and that they will have the resources to pull off a "long shot" and make it look easy. Others look to them in times of crisis because they know that Eights are willing to make tough decisions and to take the heat if things go wrong. Honor is also important to Eights because their word is their bond. When they say "You have my word on this," they mean it.... Continue reading
Posted Dec 3, 2009 at Echoes of Why
Yesterday as I was chopping vegetables for a yummy salad, I had the 70's channel playing music on the television. I turned the TV off without changing channels. In the evening, the boyfriend came over and we played cards with my son & his girlfriend until 11pm. He and I then decided to watch a movie so I turned the TV on. The song playing was "How Much I Feel" by Ambrosia. We both just looked at each other and laughed - 4 days earlier, he had referred to that song and its lyrics to express how he felt at that moment. I told him I was glad someone else noticed the Synchronicity!! And - to stick around because it happens ALL THE TIME! Continue reading
Posted Nov 29, 2009 at Echoes of Why
Toggle Commented Nov 15, 2009 on Exposed... at Echoes of Why
So, Thursday night at work, I did a possibly-dumb thing and contacted someone I probably should not have. Although cathartic in a way, I still wonder at the motivation sometimes. Anyway, that led me to updating my FaceBook profile, in which the only thing I really did was add a shitload of quotes that I just adore. I've got hundreds saved all over this computer and it was fun reading some of them. And some of them resonated differently this time. The much-needed lessons of the moment: This one is not by any means where it started, but it is where I was led just now. “I (may) disapprove of what you say, but I will defend to the death your right to say it. […] Think for yourselves and let others enjoy the privilege to do so too." It was actually the second time I saw that in the last 2 days. Not weird since I was just reading quotes - LOL - But... I was also just discussing challenges in class last night. As in, "challenge me, please! Let's see how fast I can totally crush it!" The second occurrence of that quote came from a FaceBook link to a group for Psychology majors. And they also had this one: "Yeah, I'm a psychology, I can't read your mind ..................What can I say, I like the padded walls!" -- LMAO!!! But the first quote that I found today was on this Psych teacher's Facebook profile (not a group). ""To the mind that is still, the whole universe surrenders" The lesson the last month or so has been all about learning to meditate. I HAVE TO! I joked to the this guy that this Behavioral Analysis class was going to give me a cerebral hemmorhage! I have to learn to quiet this head of mine. Continue reading
Posted Oct 28, 2009 at Echoes of Why
I haven't written much lately - writing to no one in particular just doesn't motivate me these days. BUT... I was told last night that I need to write my brain droppings down! Everything in my life lately has been about finding my comfort level with my purpose. Yes, the Law of Attraction is always at work, but I haven't been consciously working it. But it works any way - because my thoughts, my energy, everything has been focused on that. So... last night I realized that I have managed to attract exactly what I need - and that epiphany came to me like a lightning strike last night. So, what is it that I've attracted into my life space? STUDENTS!! Students who already have a foundational understanding of what it is that I have to teach - ones who have perhaps attracted a teacher into their life space! It felt so good to just spew what little wisdom I've attained - and have them 'get it'!! Continue reading
Posted Oct 17, 2009 at Echoes of Why
Great post! If only more people would understand the message. I just found this blog site tonite - very interesting reading! Thanks!