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Hey, you're blogging again! Good story, and an important lesson: intelligence in animals seems inversely proportional to tastiness. No one tried to eat Stephen Hawking.
Do That Moo-Moo That You Do So Well
(A totally different pair on a healthy pasture on a summer morning.) For several winters Chas and I fed hay, usually twice a day, to my father’s cows in the barn behind our house. I enjoyed feeding them, and it goes without saying that the cows enjoyed being fed. Last year my dad sold tha...
If it makes you feel any better, I'm wearing my new reading glasses right now.
Hang in there! The first 49ers preseason game is only 3 weeks away.
Now I'm off to the Porsche dealership.
7 or 8
As weird as Dad is, he's pretty straight-forward, with very few hang ups and not one neurosis that I can identify. So when the subject of middle age came up years ago I was surprised to learn that Dad felt he had experienced a midlife crisis. Never mind that at its apex he bought himself a mod...
Your beer purchase reminds me of an episode of The Simpsons, in which police chief Wiggum is using a cassette recorder while interrogating Bart. The boy notices the cassette and says, "Hootie and the Blowfish?"
Chief Wiggum answers, "Yeah, it was cheaper than blank tape."
I'm guessing Chas didn't drink the beer.
Grocery Shopping in Fooleryland
Do you know how embarrassing it is to buy three quarts of Miller High Life? I made sure to buy $56 of other groceries, including fruit, vegetables, two boxes of lasagna noodles, three cartons of sugar cubes, and ice cream. Oh, and a bottle of Malbec and two bottles of tonic. I swear it's the firs...
Ha! I don't know who the Korean guy is.
But I'll bet he doesn't have enough business experience.
A No Punctuation Wednesday on Election Tuesday
well hi again foolery here making friends and very likely enemies but all in the name of Capital P Patriotism right am I right I must be right because you look wrong and I am not wrong GAHHHHH knows I am not wrong and I have voted crow crow crow and you look as if you maybe did not vote becaus...
The University of South Florida Bulls called. They want their motto back!
Mollusk of America
I know what you're thinking, but no. This is a geoduck clam, the official mascot of Evergreen State College in Olympia, Washington. Cousin Steve, who is a professor there, brought each of the girls one of these cuddly little guys. I'm guessing you can imagine the level of sophistication o...
Sidewalk? What sidewalk? Did you people move to the big city (Orland)? That would explain why the kids are turning to violent crime.
Hopscotch: Blood Sport
(Photo stolen from these guys) It is foolhardy to try to play outside on a day in which the temperature climbed past 100 by lunch time, but Smedley and Sparky were bored. They took the new white chalk out to the sidewalk and drew a hopscotch court from hazy memories. Two rocks were found to ...
Hilarious!
Strange, though - I never had much use for a Shark Attack Barbie. "Black Plague Ken" was my go-to toy.
Comedy = Tragedy + Time
ME: Somebody chewed half of that Barbie. SPARKY: Oh yeah -- the dogs. That happened a long time ago. Now we use her as Shark Attack Barbie.©
Don't feel bad. I speak a small, insular Spanish.
Mmmm . . . bife con pollo . . .
Bow Chicka Bow-Wow
If you only knew how long I've been trying to get this shot. I live a small, insular life.
When I drove past the Occupy Portland encampment the other day, I thought it smelled like mouse poop and regret.
Pretty Sure There's No App For This
(Original photo stolen from these guys) I'm a bit spun in a circle with Sparky's theater performance this weekend, Thanksgiving and two house guests next week, and throwing a family party for 50+ people that Saturday night, all while we are going through a mouse infestation with three dogs...
Hey, no fair! I used to have to bring in the cows to receive that kind of cash.
'Course, I probably had hair in my eyes at the time...
...and a stinky diaper, maybe.
The Grades Are In
(Original photo from Wikimedia Commons) Sparky and Smedley had outstanding report cards today. Smedley called me to tell me about hers after school. I found out about Sparky's on the ride home. We drove up Grandma and Grandpa's driveway to go get Smedley, who had been hanging out with the...
I don't even know what the heck she was talking about, but I'm still mad at her.
You need to go back to reading them Dr. Seuss.
Mantel Man, Here's Your Cape
(Original photos stolen from this site and this one and this one too) Dear Mantel Man, I'm sorry to have to break it to you, but your niece Smedley totally has your number. Tonight after reading our bedtime book (which had more than one mention of super powers) Smedley declared,...
You should open a Korean restaurant. Give it a catchy name like "Park & Choo."
FooleryTweets: Busy
Click on the 'toon to embiggen it.
Will the kids get to witness Leroy's castration? Grandpa might need someone to hold the utensils for him.
Leroy
This little guy was born one late July evening. The girls and I were lucky enough to watch from the haystack, arriving on the scene seconds before he did. I wasn't lucky enough to have a camera with me at the time, however. His mama is pretty new to the ranch. No one knew she was pregnant ...
Shmaybe there was an electrical storm in the area . . .
What Do You Call That, Exactly?
So Al Pacino has been letting Vivienne Westwood do his hair, I see. (Photo of Al Pacino stolen from these guys; photo of Vivienne Westwood stolen from this site)
Mmmmmm . . . KFMC . . .
The Return of Mean Chicken!
A follow-up to yesterday's story about The Chicken Fairy's latest visit . . . The Chicken Fairy's Wife (some call her Grandma, others call her Mom) contacted me with these details: Grandpa [a.k.a. The Chicken Fairy] was quite puzzled today when he brought in four eggs, since we have only three ...
I never thought of our father as any kind of fairy, but you may be onto something.
And your story is disturbingly reminiscent of my description of the old shoes in my closet, for which I was teased mercilessly. Where's the Justice Fairy?
The Chicken Fairy Won't Let Me Be
(Original photo stolen from this site) RING RING Me: Hello? Mom: Hi, it's me again -- I forgot to tell you, your dad wants to give you a mean hen. Me: Really. [Not surprised in the least] Of course he does. Why on earth would I want a mean hen? Mom: Well, she picks on the pulle...
Yeah, I'm sure that sort of thing is heard daily on chicken farms: "I've got a small cock. Wanna pullet?"
Oh, and you described Dad perfectly (no, not the small cock thing, although how would I know) with the line "You should want one." He must've gotten it from Mormor, somehow: "You should want tomatoes and tamale pie."
A Cock and Bull Birthday Story
For the original Chicken Fairy story click over to my other blog, Reasonably Educated Bumpkins. Don't miss it; it's one of my favorites. But then, can you really trust me? About a week ago my father, The Chicken Fairy, announced that one of his seven pullets (teenage hens) was probably a roo...
Uh oh. Are some of the e-mail conversations that occur among you, Bocci, and me going to end up here?
Do I even want to know how I will be identified in such a cartoon?
Foolerytweets: Pop-Up Book
'Tooning tweets is addictive. I promise I'll quit . . . tomorrow. I hope you realize that if you don't make Toonlet avatars to play with me on Toonlet, I'm gonna make one FOR you, and it won't be a masterpiece (sorry Lance). Click on the 'toon to embiggen it.
Ummm . . . who?
And why has no one asked for a Mantel Man cutout?
Dr. Drew, We Can't Be Buds
A series of e-mails between Gubby and me the other day . . . Gubby: You have a birthday coming up. http://yfrog.com/gzuzagcj When I clicked the link I saw Dr. Drew Pinsky in some functional office setting with poor lighting for photography. (Shared on Twitter by @TheWolfeCNN) Or was it Dr...
So, does Baloney Girl need a new nickname? And where in the world does one get half a dozen bacon suits? Makes me wonder what Frances & Co. will come up with for next year.
Team Bacon, Reporting for Duty
All we were trying to do was watch a parade, really. Smedley and Sparky and I kept a promise I had made to my friend Frances (who is one of the funnier and gutsier people in the tri-county area) that we would attend the Glenn County Fair parade Saturday to cheer on her family's float. Every ye...
This reminds me of what she told me three years ago: "You have a much bigger brain than I thought you had." You walk away wondering whether she had complimented or insulted you.
Here's What's Funny at Our House
The girls and I were looking at family photos last night. A discussion of face shapes and smiles ensued. Smedley: "Mama, let me see your real smile." Me: "I can't smile a real smile on cue. You'll have to make me smile. Tell me something funny." They both thought about it. For a few se...
Someone should send this to Secretary Gates - I'll bet he'd find it amusing.
The V.P. probably wouldn't.
The Situation Room Was Tense
Huh. Navy Seals, "Dancing With the Stars" . . . whatever.
I guess it is unusual. The waistband of my hiking pants is a bit scratchy, so I tuck in my shirt for comfort. Please tell Bocci that at least I CAN tuck in my shirt...
Brother Bocci For the Win -- D'OH!
Got this e-mail from my brother Mantel Man the other day, complete with this photo: "On our Grand Canyon hike, my friend Jessica and I found this sign rather amusing. I guess the Park Service had to cover its posterior. Given the fact that just a few days later a young man drove his car off...
Good review! I can't Tweet, and I can't "like" or "follow" or "wink at" it on Facebook or Myspace or Stumble or Adult Friendfinder or Del.i.cio.us or LinkedIn. I'll have the Pony Express hand-deliver my comments as soon as the Benedictine scribes get their next shipment of papyrus. : )
Oh - and if this food helps with olfactory offenses, have you considered slipping some in with Dad's food?
Wally and Rilo: Confirmed Members of the Clean Plate Club
This is a sponsored review by BlogHer and Purina. Bringing two beagles into our family in February has been a constant learning experience. Where do they sleep? With us. How many walks do they get? Two long walks a day plus as much yard time as they will put up with. What do we need...
Wow, that IS a small calf! They'll have to feed her a lot to ensure she's ready for the 2012 barbecue season. : )
Miss Mendocino, the Calf Who Vacations at the Shore
I have written a lot about growing up around cows: family lore about our dairy, occasional tales of danger, and yes, lots of poop stories. The glamour stories get all the attention. But for every true tale about being chased by a crazy bovine, or having a black widow on my neck, or helping the...
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