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I've not seen an episode of Dr Who where he comes across his other selves, but I imagine that would be a fascinating plot line. Congrats on the dissertation and the DOUBLE Bryson. :-)
Toggle Commented May 20, 2010 on Bryson and the Doctor at el tercer ojo
Deeanna, Thank you for making an excellent point. While I was trying to say that it's wrong for people to assume that domestic discipline is always domestic violence, it is equally wrong to assume that it is never domestic violence. Your own experience as well as the example I pointed to in this post are important reminders that abusive partners can too easily use the construct of domestic discipline in horrifying ways. As a survivor of child abuse, there are times I seriously struggle with my sexuality because of the terror I experienced as a child. It's hard. And I can only imagine how much harder it must be when there aren't years of distance and the form of the abuse is so intertwined with what should be a chosen and titillating expression of sexuality. While I'm so sorry it's impinging on your current sexuality, I'm glad you're doing whatever you need to do to be safe -- physically and emotionally. Thanks again for sharing your valuable perspective.
Welcome! I think what bothered the writer in question is the fact that domestic discipline technically goes beyond the bedroom. My partner disciplines me for things that are not related to sex. However, it's that disciplining outside of the bedroom that turns me on, thus returning it to the bedroom, if you will. At the very least, I think "do gooders" should at least know what they are talking about before they judge. ;-)
I was just saying in a comment on my blog how, in the first draft of this post I prefaced the part about submissives (aka abused) pushing the "narrative" onto the top/dominant (aka abuser) with a disclaimer about there not really being any data or research to back me up. But then thought what the hell am I talking about? Everybody knows it's the submissive partner pushing this!,. I think it's fair to say the research would simply acknowledge what we all (aside from those outside the kink) already know. ;-) Regarding sex, yes, we've been having this discussion over in the comments at my blog about this, with two people saying that they aren't sure if it's all about sex. A few years ago I probably would have agreed with them, but the more I think about why people have sex, the reasons are pretty much the same as why people practice DD -- feel cared about, feel centered, to absolve guilt, etc. I think it comes down to how we define sex and that WWIWD is just another form of having sex. And when blowjobs are involved, well, I think that's pretty obvious! LOL -- he protesteth too much indeed! Welcome to the PB, btw. I haven't really had a chance to say hi and that it's nice to have you aboard!
You're most welcome, and thank you for your kind words. While I may use "punishment fetish/kink" instead of "domestic discipline," at the end of the day I still have to admit that what I do doesn't really differ all that much from what the CDD people are doing, even if the narrative is different. So, I suppose I might as well acknowledge the DD label and explain what it really is even as I may continue using -- and preferring -- the label "punishment fetish."
Mija: But seriously, I didn't know any domestic violence survivors who made vacation plans in order to spend time at conventions with other people into domestic violence. LOL that pretty much says it all! I laugh only because I'm imagining a sort of SNL-like skit about a conference on the best ways to abuse your partner. Which probably sounds funnier in my darkly-humored imagination... But yep, my body, my choice -- to be whipped and fucked how I like.