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Lauren
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Hey now. I remember Muppets on Ice, footie pajamas, neon spandex on all my friends' older sisters, and a lot of Prince videos. What else was there?
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Wow, that March imagery is like Hunger Games meets Muppets on Ice. Are you sure it's a dystopia? Because it sounds a little bit like how I remember the 80's.
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Doesn't matter what I say. What I ALWAYS mean is: http://i1026.photobucket.com/albums/y325/ldest/OMGOMGOMG.jpg
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1/4 shot Creme de Cacao, dark 1/4 shot Creme de Cacao, white 1/2 shot Kahlua 1 shot Vodka 1/2 shot Cream 1/2 piece Banana 1 sprinkle Nutmeg Fill with Ice 1 splash Whipped cream = Buffalo milk. No questions as to how I know that, please and thanks.
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Aw, you wrote a blog about writing spouses. The unsung heroes who top off the glasses with grenadine and hold our hair back. I'm supposed to be spending the day with my writing spouse, and I suppose somewhere in the weeping and laughing and groaning in despair and eating my feelings, I can slip in a "thank you." Also, it's so strange how vividly I can see that dog attacking you while you are bundled up like the Michelin Man. So vividly.
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I had a Traci Bismark! (and a troll pencil topper, but that's another story). My Traci, though, followed me all the way from fifth grade to high school. I hadn't seen or heard from her since 2003, and then a few months ago she tried to be my friend on facebook. I laughed for a really long time before I clicked ignore.
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I feel like your animal publishing biz demonstrations aren't complete. Where's the great white shark/literary agent weaving drunkenly through schools of guppies, crying "ONWARD!" while blowing a snot-bubble and weeping a little?
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Columbo was cancelled before I was born, but I distinctly remember my grandmother popping Jiffy Pop and making me watch the reruns on VHS when she babysat me. For some reason I am associating that show with the footie pajamas I wore during most of the 80's. Shows I have marathoned recently, though: Dexter Desperate Housewives Arrested Development Dead Like Me (only ran for two seasons but it's great. Stay far away from the movie sequel though. FAR. AWAY.) Mary Tyler Moore (I want a sunken living room now) 30 Rock Big Love (Yes, Bill Paxton makes you itchy. He makes us ALL itchy. But it's still a great show) Weeds (eh.)
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Once. Almost. I'd tell you about it, but as your own blog indicates, you'd have shot me for it. But let's just say, if I had sent it, oh man, it would have been so funny. You and I would have really had a good laugh... before you'd shoot me. So nevermind.
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My answers were mostly split down the middle (I'd fantasize about the subway woman being torn from her lovers arms WHILE turning up my headphones), but I think it's safe to say I'm not cut out to be an agent. When things get all high-pressure and scary I run and hide behind your back and bury my face in your coattails and don't come out again until you utter a sentence that ends with "ousand dollars."
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It's funny 'cause it's true.
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Don't know about souls, but monogamy would kill my checkbook. (Ha. I just realized how that sounds)
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Psh... You sent me a kind and personal pass, too. Look how that turned out. Some queriers just keep coming back with new stuff. I do a similar thing with disguises when they hand out free bagel bite samples at Stop n' Shop.
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I only have one favorite industry-related moment, and I think you know what it is. Yup. It was receiving a card with your first name written in a big bubble on the front, and your last name scrawled a hundred times across the background. Because I saw that and I thought, "Where would one even GET a card THAT personalized?" and when I flipped it over to look for the company logo, OF COURSE your name was written again in lieu of one. So now when the zombies attack, I am going to run through manhattan, flashing that card at people and telling them to follow the blonde with the bottled water and ten dollar bill.
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You mat have lost a point with the failed nun hug, but if only you had video footage of yourself ASKING three nuns to hug you in NY, you could be a small legend on YouTube.
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I'm going to be spending turkey day running around with a 3 and a 6 year old while Dora the Explorer blasts out from the living room. It's a whole other kind of marathon... But, as you know, it will pretty much be the best Thanksgiving ever.
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The fourth manuscript is the charm.
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www.peopleofwalmart.com Goats on a flatbed in the parking lot? I'd buy it... Also see www.notalwaysright.com. Would make a great quote-of-the-day calendar.
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I can tell this was not written by a real intern. No intern of yours would have the arm strength to type such a lengthy entry after a full day of fanning you with ostrich plumes and palm leaves while complimenting your hair and choice of nail polish.
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Wow, I haven't had meat since I was about 13. I think the Minnesota State Fair would kill me. I mean literally. Like boom!, there's a smoking crater with my name on it, and maybe a dead squirrel in the wrong place at the wrong time. We have a similar festival here, but it's with books and sometimes daffodils, thankfully, and we don't eat them.
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Okay, you totally have to go read Mrs. Frisby and the Rats of NIMH by Robert C. O'Brien now. It'll give you some rodent empathy. Plus it's the first book I ever read by myself, mostly by flashlight. I still have my cover-torn-off, crayon-on-pages-five-and-nineteen, yellowed, dog-eared copy circa 1989 and I would totally run into my burning apartment to save it.
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Please please PLEASE don't use glue traps to catch your little mouse buddy. They advertise those as humane traps, but once the mouse is stuck, it just lays there until it starves to death or suffocates. Even if you set it free it has no way to get unstuck. We had those in the warehouse where I used to work, and it's a really pitiful sight. Even a snap trap is a nicer way to kill them because it's quick at least (although I used to set them off with my shoe so the mice could escape, because I'm kinda crazy and can't stand to see things die. They just thought we had really smart mice).
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While I appreciate the blog determination here, I think you should have waited 40 minutes until you punched someone and then blogged about that. Also, I have always thought of your last name as like a funky cool hybrid of "poem" and "novella." Is that weird?
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I, uh, don't know if I should be admitting this, but one very key part of Sky was based on a dream my five-year-old cousin told me about. I'd rather not tell you which part since, heh, her dream was better than my original idea.
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Wow, what does it say about me that there was once a bee (singular) in the bush outside my door, and the little girl next door had to climb behind it for me to get my UPS package?
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