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I don't think it's so much a problem of charity as it is a problem of tenderness. I'm thinking of page 49 in the School of Community. The is the quality that is so evident in the CL judgment on Notre Dame and that has been missing from the rest of the commentary. I learned, while in Italy, that the word for "complain" in Italian is "lamentare." I think that a lot of American Catholics spend their time lamenting. They have forgotten (or perhaps never grasped) the source of their hope. The truth is just one thing, and to apprehend it gives rise to tenderness. It isn't truth when someone bugs me or something they say bothers me. It's me clinging to my opinions rather than adhering to the Mystery.
Hear, hear! I love how you say precisely what I was incoherently thinking...