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RossM
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"Oh give me a home, where the buffalo roam,
And I'll show you a house that's not clean..."
George Carlin (Wonderful wino).
And keep your bison off my lawn!
Commented May 14, 2016 on FATHER'S DAY IS COMING at Dave Barry's Blog
FATHER'S DAY IS COMING
Dad needs a pet. (Thanks to Le Petomane)
Now this low mileage beauty belonged to a little old lady from Pasadena we buried last Sunday.
Commented May 14, 2016 on THIS IS NOT A JOKE at Dave Barry's Blog
THIS IS NOT A JOKE
Save Money On A Funeral With A Rental Casket (Thanks to nursecindy)
DRD. Some assembly required.
Commented May 7, 2016 on INCREDIBLY, NOT IN FLORIDA at Dave Barry's Blog
INCREDIBLY, NOT IN FLORIDA
Alligator Strolls Up To House, Tries To Ring The Doorbell (Thanks to Howard from Broward)
So, the wedding went off without a hitch.
Commented May 1, 2016 on OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR at Dave Barry's Blog
OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR
Shortage of ice-cream at a marriage function led to a heated argument between the families of the bride and the groom and resulted in brick-batting in which three police personnel were injured. The wedding was ultimately called off after. (Thanks to Steve Thompson)
Kardashians have bigger rear ends
Commented Apr 27, 2016 on WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BRASSIERE at Dave Barry's Blog
WE'RE GONNA NEED A BIGGER BRASSIERE
A female elephant has been snapped by a wildlife photographer exposing her breasts while out for a walk with her adorable baby and the rest of the herd. (Thanks to Jeffrey Brown, who says "And this is different from the Kardashians, how?")
See - a dog IS a man's best friend. Cats only bring home socks and underwear.
Commented Mar 31, 2016 on GOOD BOY, DUDE! at Dave Barry's Blog
GOOD BOY, DUDE!
Dog comes home with surprise for family: Bag of marijuana (Thanks to Rick Day, Jon Harris, Ron Weil and Le Petomane)
One usually has to pay extra for this service.
Commented Mar 31, 2016 on STATE OF ROMANCE at Dave Barry's Blog
STATE OF ROMANCE
Wisconsin stripper bites customer 'in the crotch' during lap dance (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
LeDud. Redbacks can and do kill humans. Its the Aussie relative of the US Black Widow.
Commented Mar 18, 2016 on AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE SNAKES AREN'T SAFE at Dave Barry's Blog
AUSTRALIA: EVEN THE SNAKES AREN'T SAFE
Family finds garage-invading snake trapped in venomous spider's web (Thanks to Jon Harris) We saw Garage-Invading Snake open for Cher.
Its nature imitating art. In this case the art is What We Do In The Shadows - Jemaine from Flight of the Conchords. http://www.imdb.com/title/tt3416742/
Commented Feb 3, 2016 on 'THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT LOCALS' at Dave Barry's Blog
'THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT LOCALS'
Outbreak of female, vampire-like attackers in New Zealand (Thanks to Rob Simbeck)
See the difference being coxless makes? Any sensible boat would move AWAY from Australia.
Commented Jan 25, 2016 on SEND IT TO WASHINGTON at Dave Barry's Blog
SEND IT TO WASHINGTON
Terrifying 7.5 centimetre funnel web spider nicknamed 'big boy' found in bushland with venom dripping from its fangs (Thanks to DaninDallas) Related: 'Behemoth' Daddy Longlegs Discovered in Oregon (Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
NC if you get a Kindle, no one can tell from the outside what book you're reading.
They might just be able to guess from your expression...
Commented Jul 29, 2012 on FIFTY SHADES OF OUTRAGE at Dave Barry's Blog
FIFTY SHADES OF OUTRAGE
Dare to be... an independent business in the UK? (Thanks to The Perts)
You should see Booby Dingle and Bottoms before you get to Dorking.
Commented Jul 28, 2012 on TIME-TRAVEL OLYMPIC UPDATE at Dave Barry's Blog
TIME-TRAVEL OLYMPIC UPDATE
Here's a what happened in the opening ceremonies, which technically have not yet taken place.
As a regular reader of the blog, I can assure Peter that the comments don't stop just because a name is in a non-English language, e.g. Wang.
Commented Jul 22, 2012 on UPDATE: TE PUKE HIGH at Dave Barry's Blog
UPDATE: TE PUKE HIGH
Peter Metrinko forwarded this email from his New Zealand friend Jane Smith, regarding the item that (because of our strict policy) we were unable to post concerning Te Puke High School: Haha! I know, to us westerners it's rather unfortunate name. It's actually pronounced teh-pook-eh meaning a 'h...
>Thankfully here in the good old US of A we have public education.
I have got bad news for you Wingnut. This school IS public education in New Zealand. Admittedly it is in a fairly wealthy area, but it is part of our public school system. Any poor kid in Te Puke can go there.
Commented Jul 22, 2012 on HIGH SCHOOL OF THE WEEK at Dave Barry's Blog
HIGH SCHOOL OF THE WEEK
Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the High School of the Week. (Thanks to Chuck Cody)
Can you remember how many holes it takes to fill the Albert Hall?
Commented Jul 21, 2012 on ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES at Dave Barry's Blog
ATTENTION, NOBEL PRIZE JUDGES
At last, we know how many rubber bands it takes to make a watermelon explode. (Thanks to jon harris)
Seems a pretty good subject for a computer virus.
Commented Jul 21, 2012 on NEXT: SNOOKI at Dave Barry's Blog
NEXT: SNOOKI
A bacterium that in humans can cause genital pain, itching, and a burning sensation while urinating has become the subject of the first-ever complete software simulation of an entire organism, the New York Times reports. (Thanks to Sharon [The Minx] Lurie)
Its actually pronouced Tea pook eee with three separate sounds. It is is the Maori laguage and just means "the hill".
However, don't let that stop you making barf jokes.
Commented Jul 21, 2012 on HIGH SCHOOL OF THE WEEK at Dave Barry's Blog
HIGH SCHOOL OF THE WEEK
Unfortunately, our strict policy prohibits us from presenting the High School of the Week. (Thanks to Chuck Cody)
They'll tell us what they want. Now.
Commented Jul 20, 2012 on A REASON TO GO ON LIVING at Dave Barry's Blog
A REASON TO GO ON LIVING
Spice Girls (including a reluctant Victoria Beckham) are '95 per cent' confirmed to perform at Olympics closing ceremony (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
Do try a bit of cottaging while you are there.
Commented Jul 20, 2012 on SPANGING THE WOLLYNACKER at Dave Barry's Blog
SPANGING THE WOLLYNACKER
An Olympic preview.
Two helicopters full of SEALS should be about right.
Commented Jul 19, 2012 on FIRST YOU LOB A GRENADE AT PRINCE CHARMING at Dave Barry's Blog
FIRST YOU LOB A GRENADE AT PRINCE CHARMING
What are the optimal siege tactics for taking Magic Kingdom's Cinderella Castle? (Thanks to jon harris)
Eccentrica Gallumbits???
http://hitchhikers.wikia.com/wiki/Eccentrica_Gallumbits
Commented Jul 19, 2012 on BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN at Dave Barry's Blog
BULLETIN BULLETIN BULLETIN
Meet Total Recall's new three-breasted woman! (Thanks to Allen at Division)
I wouldn't go back to that carwash.
Commented Jul 17, 2012 on A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY at Dave Barry's Blog
A FLORIDA LICENSE IS ON THE WAY
With a snorkel. (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
The Barry way with words is strong in him. I oarticularly liked "I hugged and kissed more men in these few days then I have in all my years in San Francisco"
Commented Jul 17, 2012 on FATHER OF THE GROOM at Dave Barry's Blog
FATHER OF THE GROOM
My little brother Sam just went to Turkey to attend the wedding of his son, Daniel, to a Turkish woman, Dilek. Here's the story.
Richard Pryor always used to calll the front row the "Garden Row" for a similar reason.
Commented Jul 17, 2012 on SEND THIS TIGER TO WASHINGTON at Dave Barry's Blog
SEND THIS TIGER TO WASHINGTON
Tiger Pees On Wealthy Patrons During Circus Performance In Kazakhstan (Thanks to funny man)
Tax the piranha farms. (Vetinari reference)
Commented Jul 16, 2012 on WHY WE LOVE FREE ENTERPRISE at Dave Barry's Blog
WHY WE LOVE FREE ENTERPRISE
The local government of Liuzhou in southern China's Guangxi Zhuang autonomous region has ended its hunt for rogue piranha fish after offering a reward which attracted thousands of hopeful fishers to local rivers. The quest to capture the troublesome fish — whose presence in the river is unexplai...
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