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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
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With the freedom of speech comes the responsibility to listen With the freedom of belief comes the responsibility to accept With the freedom from want comes the responsibility to serve And with the freedom from fear comes the responsibility to act. (Summary of FDR's Four Freedoms by Darren Walker) I saw this on a friend's instagram - I love how each of our freedoms come with a responsibility on our part. It took me a long time to understand what listening was about - in how we can learn to understand another's journey. Maybe it was when I learned more... Continue reading
Posted yesterday at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Dawn - we are very grateful for our years together and to have what we have.
Toggle Commented May 9, 2024 on Our Love. at IMPERFECT Lady
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Thirty Seven years ago today, we were married. A small simple ceremony - began our marriage. Who I was then - compared to who I am today - is light years apart. We had to focus less on what marriage is - and more on who we are. I have come to realize a marriage is only as wonderful as the two people within it. Its value is in the character of who we are and the truths we live and the love we have to share. Thirty Seven years seems like a lifetime and yet like yesterday. We have... Continue reading
Posted May 8, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Dawn.
Toggle Commented Apr 14, 2024 on Where she used to stand. at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Denise, I appreciate your words. It has been a journey I wouldn't wish on anyone - yet one that has been full of love, peace and joy. I am grateful for my small circle of family and wonderful women. Thanks for being you.
Toggle Commented Apr 14, 2024 on Where she used to stand. at IMPERFECT Lady
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I often wondered how I would find out - who would be tasked with "telling" me. Social media is the informer. I never considered - I would not be told. She passed. I can't know their reasons, I can guess - they feel my estrangement doesn't require social graces. My journey with her, isn't theirs. My interactions or the lack there of - and why - is not theirs. My grief a long while ago - is now theirs. I am sorry they lost a mom. I lost a ghost, who I used to call Mom. I feel peace in... Continue reading
Posted Apr 11, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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There is a humming in the backdrop of my life - a ghostly echo from the past. Most often nowadays, it is barely perceptible - and then voices come in. Words carrying the wishes, for the lack of a better word, from my estranged mother who is actively dying. When my answer is different than her wants - it appears that I have turned judgmental. "Hopefully you are never judged by people who never walked in your shoes." A brother. If and unless, I do her bidding, then I am seen as judging her. Is it judging to want to... Continue reading
Posted Apr 8, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Joanie, I appreciate your thoughtful words and understanding. Your grief holds the comfort of good memories, untainted. I love the thoughts of "Your life has become so full and healthy that your heart strings are functioning as routes to peace, joy, balance and love." I am very grateful for the life I have today. There are many who have been on this journey with me, and I appreciate you as one.
Toggle Commented Apr 2, 2024 on Strings at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Oh the Heartstrings of Reality" was in a message from a soul sister friend. There are feelings that tug on our heart strings, stirring up memories and crushing dreams - both loving and not so loving. I wondered about the content of my heart - and the memories it holds. I often say, "I hold you in my heart" as if it is a sacred place to keep cherished beings. It feels different than "I will keep you in my thoughts". I also wondered if having feelings means you are suffering. My brother commented that "Emptiness and loss is a... Continue reading
Posted Apr 1, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
Becky, her book "Loving What Is" is a great place to start. At first it may seem awkward - but it may be an indicator as to how you are viewing reality. It was extremely helpful for me.
Toggle Commented Mar 30, 2024 on Heaven on Earth at IMPERFECT Lady
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"As long as you think that the cause of your problem is “out there”—as long as you think that anyone or anything is responsible for your suffering—the situation is hopeless. It means that you are forever in the role of victim, that you’re suffering in paradise." Byron Katie, Loving What Is: Four Questions That Can Change Your Life - another comment from my brother. My recollection of doing the Work of Byron Katie, is you only do the work on things that are causing you suffering. And her work is to bring you back to reality. I love her quote... Continue reading
Posted Mar 29, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks for your comments and understanding. It doesn't seem possible that so much abuse happens in so many religions, the very place that should be sacred. And it is a double blow, when the religion you believed in, is part of the problem and not the solution. Perhaps with time and more folks speaking out, this will change.
Toggle Commented Mar 30, 2024 on Rest in Peace is for the living. at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Dawn, you have lived loss and love - and it isn't easy. I am grateful for my life and the rewards of the hard choices I made.
Toggle Commented Mar 29, 2024 on Love will be Mourned. at IMPERFECT Lady
Thanks Dawn. I know you know the grief of losing loving parents - my heart knows you carry their love with you. I also know it is very hard.
Toggle Commented Mar 29, 2024 on Rest in Peace is for the living. at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Being an active participant in your family of origin in the dying and grieving process brings many profound gifts. Choosing not to be part of it is your choice. Estrangement is a choice and not a life sentence. My experience of this is so different than your last blog. I wrote about it as well." (a comment from my brother on my last post.) Isn't it always easier to tell someone else what to do - than to just do your thing and let others be. His words boggle my mind. For he and I shared thousands of hours talking... Continue reading
Posted Mar 28, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thank you for your words. I am grateful you have ways to hold your son in joy in your heart that is the gift of love. When you love and are loved, the grief changes.
Toggle Commented Mar 28, 2024 on Love will be Mourned. at IMPERFECT Lady
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There are many moments in estrangement from family that are hard to navigate and one being the death of a family member. Word reached me last week that my mother is on comfort care for a failing heart. My only comment back was "May she rest in Peace." I knew the day would come and I wondered how I would feel. What is in my heart of hearts? Would I want to reach out etc? Would I feel regret for the lost years? How do you reconcile the estrangement at death? Isn't estrangement death of sorts? My heart wrenching grief... Continue reading
Posted Mar 27, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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As I lay on my bed, before being rolled into surgery, I acknowledge my hip and its service for 65 years. As I put my attention to what it had done for me for so many years, I got a lump in my throat. Mostly in awe of its strength and durability. The thought that first came in was all the years of holding a baby on my hip - jutted out and one arm around the child. This began before I was much over 5 years old. A lot of little ones were carried by me, soothed and clung... Continue reading
Posted Feb 19, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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A friend posted a beautiful video about giving up Shame for Lent. It got me to thinking what was shame. Where did it live, how did it get there and is it more a mental idea or a physical feeling or both? I went back into my life and searched out shameful behaviors or feelings I had and what I did or didn't do that prompted shame to arrive. What I recall more, is the feelings of shame leaving me. Shame was a feeling about myself - that was untrue. For when my father's sexual abuse came to light, my... Continue reading
Posted Feb 15, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Aging is an adventure and I know I am privileged to experience it - and it looks to be an interesting ride. In my experience, you only age outside - I still feel the same inside, the me that I know -isn't aging. However when I catch myself in the mirror - oh my she has changed. I want to be the one who ages gracefully who appears delighted with the lines and wrinkles, who is unfazed by all the aging markers - who lives and loves and dreams in youthful ways. What is interesting is that I lived most... Continue reading
Posted Feb 5, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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In my old body lives a young girl. Brokenhearted and at peace. I feel her most on my left side snuggled under my ribs. At times she is the lump in my throat. She is my past and very present. My heart weeps for her brokenness. Broken relationships she cannot alone fix. Her heart craving what is gone. And loving her present. I see her pure intentions as a child manipulated and twisted. Her forgiving heart blocking out the reality of horrors. Her innocence used and managed. Lost in the intersections of abuse and cult-like religion - her childhood lost.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 26, 2024 at IMPERFECT Lady
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What if January was the month of acceptance. The month we made an accounting of all that is - a month of looking deeply into who we are and why. Often we want changes on the outside - to make the inside happy. Instead of sitting where you are, we want something different. If I look at my life it is completely on the mark. Nothing goes unnoticed. And nothing is out of line. The sugar I eat adds pounds - as it should. The miles I walk and bike - add muscle Peace often follows difficult discussions - clarity... Continue reading
Posted Dec 31, 2023 at IMPERFECT Lady
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In a podcast I learned a deeper understanding of Emotionally Immature Parents. You can read or listen more at https://momastery.com/blog/we-can-do-hard-things-ep-263/ There are two back to back episodes. I have lived this - on both sides. I have had parents who were emotionally immature, and I was a parent who was emotionally immature. My mother used to say, I was mature beyond my years - and I used to think this was a good thing. What it really meant, was that I had learned to care for others emotions. Not mine - others. And, I wasn't born an old soul. I... Continue reading
Posted Dec 13, 2023 at IMPERFECT Lady
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It is the eve of 19 years. Nineteen years of leaving behind the only life I had known to dare dream of changing the legacy I was born into. This wasn't a dream of mine. The truth fell into me - and once you know - you can't not know. The woman who began this legacy changing journey was only a seed of an idea. I had no role models or anyone to help guide me along. My body and I felt our way forward. We didn't blink or make pretty all the what is - there are in life.... Continue reading
Posted Dec 3, 2023 at IMPERFECT Lady
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This is one of the first holidays I can remember - skipping - more or less. I am cooking a dinner for my husband and myself; but there is not the houseful of family gathering this year. In the past I have heard others speak of 'skipping' a holiday - of just treating it like a regular day. And, at the time I thought, that even if you didn't participate, you would still feel the holiday. Today however, without company coming over and us just being here, doing what we typically do - there was no holiday. This can be... Continue reading
Posted Nov 23, 2023 at IMPERFECT Lady