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I M Perfect
on the Sturgeon River
A Lady living her truth and sharing her experience.
Interests: Art Quilts, Art, Writing, Spirituality, Reading,
Recent Activity
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In life there are people whose path we cross, that are bright spots. Whose energy, humor, respect, and friendship add joy to your life. We didn't see each other often, but when we did, it was always a fun connection. We met through my speaking out, and Art. I entered into his space, the helping community. Unsure, nervous and yet bold. I had words to say and art to share. He listened, understood, admired and reached out. We collaborated, and my Story Line quilts were hung up at Copper Country Mental Health; and still hang there today, about 4 years... Continue reading
Posted 2 days ago at IMPERFECT Lady
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Passive Aggressive behavior was one of the ways I was raised to respond. Instead of facing anything directly, you use a non-verbal reaction that shows your silent disapproval aggressively. When someone does this, even today, I am flung backwards into my early years and feel resentment that lingers for days. And, oddly - I use passive aggressive behavior back. My words are silently held in my head - where I have multiple debates that are never spoken out loud. In the past week this happened. One being the discussion about Dr. Ford and the Judge, and then someone turning up... Continue reading
Posted Oct 12, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Sometimes it feels like we are walking in circles, not getting anywhere, either personally or collectively. However, each of us carry a part of the evolution of humanity. We can only push back, IF there is something to push against. Is it possible, that the struggle to find balance IS what pushes us forward. Could there be any evolution if we began balanced? There are times, I would love to insert new knowledge into people - but would be horrified, if that happened to me. I believe, that each of us are changing and evolving, learning and growing at a... Continue reading
Posted Oct 10, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Columbus day is a perfect example of something having two sides - ask the Indigenous people what they think of this day? I like that my phone calendar has both of them listed. I listened to Krista Tippett's podcast "On Being" with Layli Long Soldier - On Being Podcast with Layli Long Soldier History has two sides. How can it not? We see and feel life from our side of each experience. And, we also see history, from the side we were taught. If there is a war, there will be two sides of the war. And your 'rightness' will... Continue reading
Posted Oct 8, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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As a woman, a woman who has survived sexual abuse, I am left wondering how to fit reality into my future. The reality of Dr. Ford's words and how the response was so ineffective. What does this say to women who speak up? We have had the rare opportunity on a large stage to see how victims are treated. What is expected from them and how some will treat her. Society seems to be split in half about whose side they feel drawn to. And, there doesn't appear to be a middle ground. In the land of she said, he... Continue reading
Posted Oct 7, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Exactly. We are not mental for being triggered for our past experiences. We know the feelings of throwing our truth out there, only to have nothing change. And, the cost of our personal peace.
Toggle Commented Oct 1, 2018 on I Believe Her at IMPERFECT Lady
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This past week, I listened and watched Dr. Christine Blasey Ford speak. I admire the courage it took to speak. As she said, she was the one lone voice against many. I was surprised by my response to her speaking. It brought back my own memories of speaking against the common view. I then watched a Facebook video of Martha Beck, where she spoke about "Sanctuary Trauma". Where you are speaking about your trauma and you are doubted and made to feel shame and even thought a liar. This is where I connected to Dr Ford. I could feel the... Continue reading
Posted Sep 29, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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If you broke your life down into categories, what would they be? Sheri Salata spoke about the Pillars of her life. The categories of how she wants to live her life. What the important things were and then how to make sure she is serving them. Her categories included, happiness, spirituality, adventure, creativity etc. It has me looking at my life differently. Instead of one big lump, there really are segments to our life. Things I plan on doing and then, a bunch of space that idles along without direction. I am going to try and incorporate her pillar idea... Continue reading
Posted Sep 27, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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When I see a victim of sexual abuse break their silence, I see a person who is breaking down the wall of disempowerment. I see them as taking back their life, and saying I will not be complacent in your crime. I see a woman (man) who is now willing to own their truth, no matter how popular it is with those around them. I see them as someone who is willing to add their truth to reality and let it change. I see someone who knows they will not be believed and speak anyway. I see them disrobing the... Continue reading
Posted Sep 26, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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It was a gorgeous sight that greeted us at the Houghton Breakwaters - the starting point of my latest challenge. The Breakers to the Bridge - Paddle Festival 2018. Julia's photo Here are the three of us at the starting line! We all travel over the same water and faced the same wind, but we were all in different boats or canoes, and we came with different body size, age and strength. The sleekest boats being paddled by hardcore paddlers, disappeared around the bend and that was the last we saw of them until the finish line. The sweep time... Continue reading
Posted Sep 9, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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Going with the flow was an experience, not just words as we paddle on the Sturgeon River yesterday. We decide to paddle up the river, trying to make it up to the dam near Otter Lake. But, I hadn't understood what it means to go against the current, until you are in a kayak paddling upstream.It means you have to paddle very hard to get anywhere, and if you stop, you lose the ground you just covered. Or, you have to go on shore, and get out of the flow of the current. We did this a few times, just... Continue reading
Posted Sep 4, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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"Churches are just buildings and organizations full of flawed people." comment on Facebook. That comment is the typical conclusion of a discussion when sexual abuse comes up in a religious organization. They toss aside the beliefs and water it down to a building and flawed folks. No religion here. No belief here to discuss or debate. The folks are flawed, and are no reflection of this religion. Where did God and Jesus go? How is it possible that a religion can just be a building and a bunch of flawed people? Is this a way to deflect the direct attack... Continue reading
Posted Sep 2, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Thank you, for responding, both in words and actions. It isn't my intent to slam the catholic church, it wasn't me who has damaged it, more, I am not eager to slam the faithful followers. What my intent is, is to at the very least begin questioning, and bring awareness to your faith. Thank you Judy for being aware and brave to look.
Toggle Commented Sep 1, 2018 on Unsafe for children to attend! at IMPERFECT Lady
If we were to be completely honest and truthful, when sexual abuse scandal happens, are we not more shocked at where it happened, than to whom it happened to? Are we not more blown back by the place and circle, than to the victim themselves? I see it as being two wounds. One to the victim and child, whose life will be forever changed. Whose love and trust and innocence is destroyed. The vastness of effects from being abused will follow them into each and every relationship they enter. The composite of who they were born to be has been... Continue reading
Posted Sep 1, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
That is a whole other topic, but yet it does make you consider how you stand in the place you stand? How you can have the free will to do what you want and to worship what you believe in, and to do with your body as you see fit. Then, how to allow all people the same luxury. When you enjoy personal freedom to be the person you are with your morals and values, how can you then want to regulate another's choices? Or, even more, whose choices would you want to be forced to participate in? When we try and have power over another's choice, we have to consider being the one controlled? I never realized the privilege I have lived and how my privilege has been gotten on the backs of those less fortunate. Until we walk in another's shoes, can we really know what we would do? There are many situations that I am uneducated in, or lack the experience of. Sitting from where I sit, I am very naive on so many levels. My strongest life's energy, is to give empowerment to women. I lived having my body controlled by the church. Its morals and values had a stronger voice than my own personal one. Again, it is back to equal power and self empowerment for all. Mostly those of us, who have been less than the power leaders - most often the white male. We need to go for tea and have a good chat! Or, a bike ride!
Effective dialogues will make us question what we believe, how we act and even more, to see the world from a new perspective. Yes, it is thought provoking to wonder what you would do for your child, compared to any child. What I know, is that my mother's faith was not to be questioned, nor did 'anything' or person come before it. I understand how you hold it dear. And, it is not my intention to take anything from you, just to question the leadership of your organization and the way it has become an unsafe place for children.
Thanks for responding. I do hear you. I have written many responses....and all keep circling back to our differences. What I hear what the church means to you. I don't know what I can say, that will have you seeing first the destruction of the lives of the children, before your faith. Can you see how the faith is first, your salvation first, or most precious. Can you see how this sentiment, will be what the abusers rely upon. You won't leave. Thousands are like you. You will stay, for your salvation. Regardless of how many children's lives are ruined. How can you show a child, that they mean more? In other religions, when there was abuse among its members, they too, were unwilling to give up their faith. Regardless of the little children. In fact, many quit talking to me, when it appeared that there may be a choice, where they had to chose their faith or the safety of children. Their own children or grandchildren. I seriously can't seem to get the members inside of the religions, to fully understand, the impact of them continuing on as if nothing happened. And, they all say, it is for their salvation. It is for a heaven one day. They too speak of Jesus, and God. And, meanwhile children are at risk. How can the problem be fixed at the same level it was created at. It is insanity to believe, you can change the religion by not changing it. I know, some said, there are new rules. Really, the folks doing the abusing are not going to adhere to rules. I am not sure the average church member has even begun to investigate the intricacies of child sexual abuse. Who does it, why and how it affects the lives of the child etc. They are very good with their religion and know little or nothing about the ways their religion has used itself to abuse children. Will the faithful members become students in learning about pedophiles, abuse and children at risk? I would love to see the members asking the tough questions instead of focusing on the contents of salvation. Perhaps this goes against your religion to hold it second. I get it. And, so does the child who has been abused. They can see and feel that they matter less. I don't know how to say it differently or see it differently too. What you may have forgotten to remember, is that one time I too was a member of a church, who I felt was my salvation and it knew about abuse, and my father, and it (members) blessed him in the name of their religion. It was their way to heaven. They believed God and Jesus were in there too. How can the children of all these religions become more than the religion? How can their innocence matter more? I am as frustrated as you are faithful.
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I have listened to a few priests, and catholic leaders speak about the sexual abuse within the church. Mostly, what I find is that they are dancing with words and shining lights in all directions and somehow dodging the full impact of the crime. I get it. Certainly they don't want to completely and utterly bring into their lives the complete package of sexual abuse by the elders of the church. It could, or would, destroy the integrity and piety of their church. They want to acknowledge it, but not fully embrace it. To see it, sorta and then get... Continue reading
Posted Aug 30, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
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I have heard this twice now on two separate podcasts, "You can't be yourself, until you really know who you are." Knowing who you are not, is helpful, but until you know who you truly are, you simply can't be yourself. You can be the self, you were raised to be. Or, the survival self. A part of a whole that you were born into. It took my life falling apart to understand, I had no clue who I was. I didn't know the world or the meanings behind many things - let alone who I was. The best thing... Continue reading
Posted Aug 22, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
Yes it is amazing, how we don't even know we have been caught in our own minds! Not until we one day feel trapped and then realize we are the ones holding the key!
Toggle Commented Aug 22, 2018 on Expectations of the Artist. at IMPERFECT Lady
I have thought the same thing, to put various women on one quilt. The theme, "Rock your difference" I loved learning about this box I was putting myself in - in going forward and not being able to just do! Group meetings are helpful, instead of staying in your own mind. Beth
Toggle Commented Aug 22, 2018 on Expectations of the Artist. at IMPERFECT Lady
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When I arrived at my latest Quilt Meeting, I brought my most recent work of art and across the table from where I was sitting, on a shelf, was my book. (We meet in the Library in town.) Looking at my earliest Ladies compared to my last, there is a striking difference; a body has emerged. I love my first ladies, even if they were mostly clothes. The discussion was interesting, when a women spoke of a theater production she had attended, of a war. On stage there was one side of actual people and the other side was just... Continue reading
Posted Aug 21, 2018 at IMPERFECT Lady
I agree, that the people make up the church; without people no church. Many will not want the whole religion to be blamed; but there is a responsibility by all. Those doing the bad behavior, those knowing and doing nothing and those who go along. And, any spiritual leader who knows of this behavior and doesn't do the right thing of reporting the criminal, is not a spiritual leader. I again, know that this is painful when it is the religion you were raised in.
Lois, you can pray and worship outside of the organization that is co-mingling knowingly with pedophiles. When you bring up other organizations, it is to water down the report to make it less. To make it less shocking or horrifying or perhaps normal. It is everywhere. I have heard this before and will continue to hear it. Does it make it right? Are there schools and sports where you know for sure there are abusers and you would still send your son? Are the numbers as high and the reports so vast? Mostly, suggesting it is everywhere, makes it easier to do nothing, for it appears you can't escape it. What if, you and those like you withdrew from the church. Not from God, but for the organization UNTIL they cleaned house? Can you separate your faith from the organization? I am thinking, if your son's hockey program was known for abuse, it would be pretty hard to be a solid fan. Just my thoughts. And, my heart goes out to you. I know what it is like to discover sexual abuse with the confines of a religion.
I thought of you as this news appeared. And, I thought that there are many like you. Who have worshiped in the church with a kind and truthful heart. My heart goes out to you all. Yet what do we do with the good and the bad of the church. Who but the good can stop the bad??? I do not believe that God only lives in church or that it is the only place to play. I also understand how it feels to have your trust in a religion collapse. For me, it took out the middle man and left we finding peace with a God that wasn't within a religion. Like Nature and love and kindness.