This is Ben Sobieck's Typepad Profile.
Join Typepad and start following Ben Sobieck's activity
Join Now!
Already a member? Sign In
Ben Sobieck
Recent Activity
My wife is going to be Lady Gaga, with me as Kermit the Frog in tow. The problem is finding a Kermit costume sized for an adult, as well as how to walk comfortably with a hand up my backside. My guess for last year's costume: A Wisconsinite pedestrian who was just told Zubas are making a comeback. Close?
1 reply
The Las Vegas airport tried to kill me when it delayed my flight home by eight hours last week. Have you ever ate a Philly cheesesteak from an airport for supper?
1 reply
I don't think it's so much patience as remaining calm. Don't freak out. Be cool and collected. Patience will come after the heartbeat is steady. Here's my own aquatic recreation analogy. I took a scuba class for a half-semester in college and ran out of air one session. The instructor forgot to fill the tank up before I entered the pool. I also forgot to check the air before I got in the pool. 'Twas a deep dip into terror. I sunk right to 20 feet without so much as two breaths. In that case, freaking out would've been a death sentence. Kind of like writing. Being anything other than cool-headed is no good. The editors I've worked with would say hot-headed, easily-disturbed writers are the worst.
1 reply
You've got 25 days, Binky. After that, you'll need a Crisco-greased hacksaw and an "in" at the courthouse to undo the damage.
1 reply
Having attended the Great Minnesota Get Together for 20+ years, I can only say one thing to naysayers vegan and otherwise: You don't get it. The Minnesota State Fair is not a bunch of carnies peddling dirty stuffed animals and overpriced funnel cakes while a Kenny Loggins cover band jitters in the background (like all those OTHER *scoff* state fairs). The "rules" don't apply once you step off Snelling Avenue and into this other world. It's a world where you can't show too much skin no matter how low to the ground you hang, where the contents of Noah's Ark spill freely into the deep frier, where hoards shuffle between ridiculous amounts of Sweet Martha's Cookies and the all-you-can-drink milk stand in search of the ultimate insulin high, where cheese curds ooze from the pores of attendees like leaky cans of spray cheese, where the Sky Ride still looks like the premise to a disaster movie but you'll take it anyway because you don't feel like walking to the Food Building and, most importantly of all, where you can look out at the great unwashed masses writhing in grease-laden ecstasy and say to yourself, "I feel better because I don't look like that guy over there." It's worth every bite and every penny.
1 reply
What's so unrealistic about teenage vampires? My vampire teeth fell out when I hit 20. Linoleum. Now drink!
1 reply
But is Barbara two or three? Janet used it as two, I assumed three. Then again, if spoken in my native tongue of Minnesotan, it'd only be one: Barb.
1 reply
If you do catch the mouse, you could use it as chum to attract sharks for a snout rub. That would fulfill the circle of the hunt. Caught by a shark, eaten by a shark.
1 reply
Paranormal Romance? THE BUS BLANKET Biff Soblek never thought he'd meet Kathryn Heigl on a school bus. But surprise was no stranger that day, both pleasant and otherwise. Just hours before boarding the bus, some no-good aliens rudely interrupted his fishing trip. Biff didn't appreciate the aliens' company in the boat, so he fled to the refuge of a school bus. That's when he met Kathryn. She turned out to be surprisingly down-to-earth for a movie star. She'd just returned from blanket shopping. Biff must have looked fashion forward for a fisherman, because Kathryn had a burning question for him. "What do you think of this blanket?" she asked, referring to a reddish-brown spread. Biff knew the blanket would look better in chocolate. But revealing this could risk his blossoming friendship with Kathryn. Did he tell her? You'll just have to read THE BUS BLANKET, complete at oh crap it's quarter to six already and I haven't even made the coffee yet have you seen my phone where is it I'm still tired shouldn't have stayed up past 11 close the window shut off the fan I really want to go back to sleep
1 reply