Boy, this depression really has a hold of me right now. I don’t want to do anything but sleep, I'm so anti-social right now. The thought of food sounds so unappealing and when I try to eat it’s like my throat wants to close on me and I can’t swallow. I’m back to restricting after the mini intervention to get me to eat. Those are always a joke because the reality is no one really knows what to do for me. I’m the last person they would expect to have mental health issues. Restricting for me is like a drug,... Continue reading

Up early again… Well, I managed to get a part of a meal down late last night… Wasn’t hungry; however, family made me eat because I looked weak and needed the nourishment, I lost two lbs in the two day I restricted. I just want to curl up in a ball. The thought of eating made me sick, my stomach felt so bloated, and uncomfortable and my anxiety went through the roof, all I could think about was getting it out of my body. I know those that care mean well, but shoving food down my throat isn’t gonna help... Continue reading

I feel miserable today… I’ve been restricting for two days now and my energy is low. I don’t even want to get out of bed and haven’t for the past two days. I figure as long as I have a supply of anxiety medicine, I really don’t have to think about anything or do anything for that matter but sleep and not eat. I have no appetite, I made it past the starvation phase, that‘s why I don‘t feel any hunger pains. I really wish I could get over this hump, all I want is to be happy and normal,... Continue reading

What is anorexia nervosa? It’s self-imposed starvation - an eating disorder that can seriously harm health. Means loss of appetite due to nerves. But people with anorexia usually don’t lose their appetite until the late stages of their starvation. The restricting is going well today… no hunger pains. Haven’t eaten since five o’clock yesterday and the only thing I feel is depressed and worthless... That’s what set off the restricting the last couple of days. I’m so lonely and my other half is very supportive but I don’t really think he understands the full extent of my illness. He always... Continue reading

What a morning… All I can think about is restricting. I feel so lonely and need to comfort myself. I know I have people in my life that care about me but huh, where are they when you need them. I can’t control what others do but I definitely can control what goes in my mouth and body. Restricting always seems to be the easiest way out. I've been struggling with my anorexia for a while now (I say struggling because as long as I'm practicing the behaviors I'm still struggling unfortunately). I don't talk about it much to others... Continue reading

Everyday is a struggle… in or out of recovery. I’ve been in recovery since 2007, after battling for many years what seemed to be a harmless coping mechanism. I suffer from anorexia nervosa… I often ask myself how can it be so hard to quit doing something that you know can kill you. Do you want to die??? Why don’t you just eat??? These seem to be the standard questions that friends, family and those wanting to help you with recovery ask or you tend to ask yourself… at least in my experience. The only way I have found to... Continue reading