First, a disclaimer that I'd recently taken a break from this show for a month or two because I wasn't having any fun (enjoying the show or eviscerating the parts I didn't enjoy), but came back for Holly's return. I haven't been following recaps very closely, mostly just gleaning things from passing tweets and the like. It hasn't been that tough to pick up, but please forgive me if I get something entirely wrong because I missed those weeks. Back to business: Most things haven't changed, such as people with 0% body fat eating massive pastries. "The boys are fighting again, what of my feminine CONSTITUTION???" The Quartermaine and Quartermaine-Adjacent Contingent I'm impressed that, despite opening with the sound of Chase in the shower, General Hospital resisted the urge to show him lathering up. But no worry, they didn't take but another few seconds to have him returning to the bedroom still glistening and shirtless. And of course later, Chase decided to welcome Brook Lynn back into the room by greeting her hilariously spread-eagle... "Get a load of this strategically-placed bedspread and flower arrangement (also my balls)!" Since this is a soap, naturally it's Olivia that walks in and not... Continue reading

Now I am hardly the first person to be complaining about it, and I spent a good chunk of yesterday having a bit of a meltdown about this. But sometimes a thing just needs to be documented. There is a disclaimer over all of this that maybe General Hospital is playing an absolute genius long game here and that we're all meant to be freaking out about this massive continuity lapse so they can give us a Big!Reveal! that, as one viewer I wish I could find again suggested on social media, maybe Nikolas got into some of Helena's concoctions and has drugged or mind-chipped Laura, Curtis, and Sam into conveniently forgetting what they know. If an explanation to this is forthcoming, I welcome it. I'd love to be proven wrong here. Because they know. Boy howdy do (Mayor) Laura and Sam and Curtis know that Nikolas was the one who hired the hitman to kill Hayden. And Curtis knows that Laura and Elizabeth know. Wait, are we sure? Maybe they just momentarily suspected it and then let it go? Maybe it was no big deal and it's just one of those soap things where we have to hand-wave a... Continue reading

Sure, sure, I posted these on social media already, but they need to be documented for posterity. Steffy has invited an audience for her paternity results (her boyfriend, the man she cheated on her boyfriend with, and that man's wife), because if a paternity test result is given in a forest and nobody is there to hear it, was there ever really a paternity test result delivered? I think not! Unbelievably, the two scenes below were both in the same episode. The same 18-minute episode. God bless these actors. That's all I can say. Continue reading

So let's dig in to Season Two, Episode Three, shall we? (Watch it first if you don't want to be spoiled, of course!) First things first: a moment of silence for another week without Tipsy Claire. (Don't pour one out for her, though, she would be very offended by the waste of booze.) I love all the Boston establishing shots in the opening credits. Boston is a gap for me, pretty much the only major East Coast city where I've hardly spent any time (this is a minor lie, in that I have Floridian gaps as well). I think I went twice as a teenager, once for college visits and a second time for college auditions. One of these days I need to get up there to see it as an adult (Fenway's on the bucket list, though I suppose I'd be treated as the enemy there!). But I digress. Andrew's bringing Katherine information and it's something the Walsh Amendment and open roads and taxes and vague political something-or-other, but she's distracted and he's squirrely. Evelyn finds a brooding Eric and asks him what's wrong, which Melissa Archer does in that Archer-esque way she pronounces "wrong" as ending with a... Continue reading

Plenty of episode spoilers ahead, so be sure to watch it first! All right so, first of all, we need to talk about these two again. Now, I'm all for healthy relationships where you're able to speak openly, but man is Laura forgiving. Katherine just goes on and on about the hold Sara has over her, how she just still gets to her so much and, sure, Laura doesn't love it but it's also kind of rude? Quit talking about how hung up you are on your ex to your current girlfriend, Katherine! And from their first scene in this episode, it sounds like the thing that brought them together was Laura basically nursing Katherine through her heartbreak. This doesn't bode well. This season it seems like they're being a little less vague about politics and anchoring it in at least something reality-adjacent, talking about how different politics are these days, talking about public policy-tweeting, how the House majority leader has changed, etc., etc., but without naming any names (so far!). Which I like, only because it'll help us anchor these people to a context we have a shorthand for (even though it's a little funny to think about how... Continue reading

As always, SPOILERS GALORE BELOW! Oh hi there! Long time no see. Anything interesting happen since last we spoke on here? The world's been pretty uneventful, eh? Beacon Hill is miraculously back, a thing we truly thought might never happen despite our certainty in 2014 that it would happen in 2015. But here we are in 2020, an otherwise entirely un-noteworthy year in history. This was a ride, y'all! I could've done the normal thing and just rewatched the first season in preparation for this, but instead I just read my own recaps and was still pretty lost. To make things crazier, multiple characters have been recast, including the two leads! Is it not enough that everything seems at least mildly surreal in the midst of a pandemic and almost-nationwide lockdown? The answer is no, no, it's not enough. I suspect this all came down to actor availability and not anybody getting the boot, since most of the replaced actors still seem cheerful and excited about the new season. So we'll forgive it! Either way, we should forgive anything in life that puts more Nadia Bjorlin on our TV screens. In a brilliant but equally disorienting (lest you think this... Continue reading

First of all I loved that the "Everyday People" opening number actually had pretty simple choreography that you could actually buy a group of nurses could learn (instead of a bunch of professional dancers). And Jacklyn Zeman always makes me so happy when she's up there dancing her little heart out. Also Felix! Epiphany! I absolutely adore Kim's dress from the top all the way down to.... right above the knee, where the weird multiple ruffles begin. Why complicate a good thing? Speaking of which, it's no secret that I'm completely smitten with the idea of Finn and Anna (because I approve of how smitten he is with her, as everyone should be), but they've now moved Alexis and Finn past "casual sex" into "actual dating" and the last thing I want is a love triangle where Alexis and Anna are somehow competing for the same man, so that's disappointing. And yet here we are. I continue to not care in the least about Henrik/Peter. He's just kind of dopey and I will also lose any semblance of calm if I start articulating how I feel about the completely insane retcon of Anna effin' Devane willingly having sex with Faison... Continue reading

(aka Nurses Ball Day One) Okay, today we got the pre-show and the red carpet and I'd like to take a moment to highlight a guest star who, if he doesn't get nominated for the Best Guest Actor Daytime Emmy in 2019? I will riot. His name is Dutch and he is a star. Truly, Mark Teschner deserves another Best Casting Emmy for this one. What a find! What a performance! I believed he was really eating. So convincing, so moving. Dutch needs a contract pronto. Otherwise, not a ton to say. I'm on record as disliking how they've glossed up the Nurses Ball in its "reincarnation," what with the red carpet and the overproduced music videos and bringing in a bunch of ringers as dancers instead of letting our characters do a full-on amateur talent show. So today's components were not my favorite. (Although I will absolutely take any Nurses Ball over no Nurses Ball any day, to be clear!) I did crack up at Joss being all, "This is unreal! I feel like Cinderella or something!" when she got to the step-and-repeat but then knew exactly how to pose for the cameras. I also cracked up that Sonny... Continue reading

You guys, The Bold & the Beautiful was so utterly on-brand last week that I can barely come up with words for it. It was a sight to behold. (Let's just say if anyone's giving you a hard time about watching soaps, as we were talking about the other day, do not show them any of those B&B episodes as it will only undermine your credibility.) Anyway, just hot damn. It was a lot of melodramatic fun. So I made you a visual present of Friday's episode. (I wanted to do the whole week but you'd have to have to patience of Job to put up with a whole week's worth of episodes on the CBS website player.) Here we go: Just in case you missed it, hadn't heard, or don't watch the show at all but occasionally check in here to find out what madness is happening: Liam found out Steffy (his wife) slept with Bill (his father). It sort of irked him for some reason. I've waited for years for someone to properly address the idiocy of the stupid Spencer swords that all these grown men wear like "Best Friends" necklaces, and nothing in the past has been... Continue reading

Oh Carly. Carly, Carly, Carly. What are we going to do with you? The return of original Jason has reverted her full force to her Queen Bee of the Cool Kids Quad that she held on so hard to back when Jason was married to Courtney (YES I TYPED OUT HER NAME). Yesterday she hilariously went to Sam under the guise of being her friend and Drew's friend, to explain that Sam will never love Drew the way she loves Jason and will ultimately break Drew's heart as a result, so she should get rid of him now. In fact, Carly has a special understanding of this particular set of empirical facts because she and Jax were basically her version of Sam and Drew. Safe, comfortable, but not the deeeeeeeeep connection to the other dude. (No, Carly, you went to Jax because Laura Wright had more chemistry with Ingo Rademacher than Maurice Benard, unlike Carlys #1 and #2.) So don't you see? It's not because she wants her Cool Kids crew back together at all. It's because she really cares about Sam and Drew's feelings! via GIPHY Really, it was a selfless act. Carly: Sam, you know I loved Jax.... Continue reading

I thought about trying to do some sort of year-end post since I've been a much more active viewer this year, but then I realized... not enough. I looked back through posts and I checked in on General Hospital in January and then again in May and I truly can't remember how much of The Bold and the Beautiful I watched because it's so repetitive that's it confusing to track time. And I believe I've been watching Days of Our Lives since late October. So I'm going to half-ass it, with just some random thoughts and the major disclaimer that this is by no means thorough. But let's take a look at a few bests and worsts. WORST STORYLINE GH: Did someone say "Ask Man Landers?" There's really no need to expand on that. BEST STORYLINE DAYS: Will's not dead. It involved so many people and Alison Sweeney, Deidre Hall, and Chandler Massey gave truly incredible performances. The best part was that it was told with compassion. Honorable mention goes to GH for Jason's return, but points were deducted for the ridiculous preparation for it in which all the characters started announcing Jason just hadn't been the same since his... Continue reading

I'm just actually going out on a limb with that title, as they did a lot of Star Wars advertising today and also mentioned Frozen and I'm just making a guess that those are both Disney movies even though I'm too lazy to look it up. I've never seen either so... shrug. So! We had Q scenes today! Michael offered Monica egg nog and clarified that it's non-alcoholic, which was a quick reminder that Monica is one of the 45% of characters on this show who are on the wagon. Monica invited Ma and Son Nero for the holiday, but apparently Oscar didn't want to come and Kim went ahead and let him just go do his own 14-year-old thing for Christmas. (Okay, I guess this is actually Christmas Eve, because it better be.) (Wait, no, it's Christmas because that was the planned wedding day.) Oscar did actually show up later, though. Across town, Kevin and Laura were getting ready for the wedding when Maxie showed up yelling at them about bad omens. Laura wore a black tunic top and pants, which I respect. I kept wondering if Kevin was ever Maxie's stepfather for a minute, but probably not? I... Continue reading

This won't be a terribly long post, but I'm feeling guilty because I've been a slacker here lately! I've been pretty drained and, let's face it, when you're worn out it takes a lot less work to just tweet while you're watching episodes than put together a whole blog post. Nonetheless, let's check in over in Port Charles, New York, with a bunch of random disorganized thoughts! First of all, happy 40th anniversary at General Hospital to Jackie Zeman! Here's a great interview. Some great dirt in there on the old days! Second of all, you have to be kidding me, Sonny. OG Jason's been back for a couple of weeks after five years of captivity and LORD KNOWS WHAT and hasn't even reunited with his family, and Sonny's sending him down to Puerto Rico on mob business already? Like I've been saying, why does more than one person want to be Jason? It's a terrible gig! His boss is an asshole! Also! Kim (Tamara Braun's character) is an OB-GYN! Not only did we get a new doctor, we have another OB-GYN! Kind of the most important doctor gig on this show! That's a breath of fresh air. I'm always,... Continue reading

Recap time! Just for context, I've only been watching this show for just over a week so I have no idea what I'm talking about. I've been getting some background info from some very helpful folks on Twitter whenever I'm watching (come play! @SerialDrama) but otherwise my entire frame of reference is just my very occasional visits over the years and general awareness from soap magazines and the like. Here we go! Will is hanging out alone and having flashbacks to Sonny and Sami trying to explain who he is. This involves grimacing. Sami spent the night in jail and is very grumpy about it. It's because she punched Susan, which was awesome. The attending cop finds her whole story pretty hilarious. Marlena shows up. Paul is sitting at the bar where Will works, which has literally never had a customer but apparently has no problem with people in emotional crisis hanging out there and never ordering a damn drink. He leaves a voicemail for Will. Paul is sad, and John shows up to hug him. Will asks Susan if she's really his mother. Marlena is delighted to learn that Sami punched Susan. Sami mentions that Paul knew Will was... Continue reading

RECAP! After all these years, I didn't really realize Pozzulo's was a restaurant that's literally "never open." Sonny is really bad at fronts. (And I don't think it's entirely consistent because I just had a weird flashback to the original Lisa Niles getting chem-tested with Sonny in there.) Anyway! Carly is toasting to schadenfreude, or her son's broken heart, whichever you want to call it. Ava is showing Kiki the "formula" for the surgery that will "heal" her two-square-inch-mild-discoloration. I don't hate Ava's new strawberry-blonde, but with the electric-blue top she's wearing it's not working. Makes her skin look super pink. (I think Maura West is one of the world's most perfect humans, though.) David (I finally learned that his name isn't Dr. Max Holden!) talks to Griffin about real estate investments, which... is riveting! Apparently Monica and Alexis are in some sort of combined NA/AA meeting together? (It's not new for this show to conflate addictions, but seriously Port Charles has more than enough addicts that they don't have to combine all twelve-steppers.) Anyway, Monica's a little freaked out because a Jason-faced-person burst through a skylight! Jason goes to the Quartermaine mausoleum as OG Jason goes to Sam. OG... Continue reading

I'll be brief because it really speaks for itself. But let's just take a moment to luxuriate in the totally-not-at-all-suggestive blocking from yesterday's Bold and the Beautiful in a long talky scene between Bill, his daughter-in-law Steffy, and whatever is going on with her wig. We get it! He's ready for his BJ! (I mean seriously, folks, he got even closer and then they spent the whole scene talking like that.) Speaking of talking, the best highlights of recent dialogue were Steffy taking a hard stance on why Liam shouldn't be nice to Sally: because she's a "criminal!" He should, however, be nice to his father. His father who, while not (say) a mobster, is basically a career criminal. Especially recently. I believe Liam's also supposed to be nice to Steffy's family, many of whom have a pretty serious rap sheet if such records ever stuck. Another highlight of dialogue was Bill telling Steffy how utterly remarkable she is because she's able to see things from "all sides" which is code for "thanks for always being on my side, Steffy, no matter how wrong I am!" Particularly considering Steffy has made zero effort at any point to see why Liam... Continue reading

First of all, sorry to tease with a flurry of consistent posts and then a couple straight weeks of radio silence. I was traveling and then consumed with baseball and then a little under the weather. But no matter! Because here we are. Welp. We knew this weepy lovefest reunion was going to happen, and man, the actors did not hold back. I'd make a joke about their whole One True Love dynamic, but lord knows if they actually loved each other "like that" they would get zero screentime (case in point: besides the previously-complained about off-stage adoption proceedings of Lucas and Brad, today we were reminded that Parker and Kristina went on one whole date and then U-hauled right off the show together, lest anyone think that more LGBTQ folks behind the scenes changes anything about what happens onscreen). Where was I? Oh! Right. The beautiful reunion, which involved a whole lot of "The following people have come back to life since you 'died,' would you like a drink?" and a little "Okay so then who is this guy we already cried tears of joy to have back in our lives?" but very, very little urgency. And this made... Continue reading

I was going to write a straight recap of today's General Hospital but then they threw some Ask Man Landers shitshow at me in the cold open, so I can't be asked. But there are some important things to touch on. In this episode, we had a new "couple" (I guess Kristina and Parker are already official from the way they were talking today, which was fast) making out in a diner. We had randos just knocking on an apartment door in an building that should really have some security. We had characters in contrived situations so they could run into each other for the sole purpose of almost-but-not advancing plot. What I'm saying is, we need a new set that more easily allows for such things. A building with a central location that is semi-private, where kissing isn't peculiar but a meal or a conversation might be shared in passing with neighbors. A building where people who are deeply connected live alongside people they may not know or choose to see deliberately. Which brings me to the titular plea: BRING BACK THE BROWNSTONE! A lot of people could squeeze into that common room, you know. Very handy. It was... Continue reading

Does anyone else find Sam and Jason's bedroom kind of hilarious? I mean, he's Mr. No-Frills Black T-Shirt and she's Ms. Badass Low-Maintenance (okay, sure, she wears 17-inch stilettos in the most casual of circumstances and a ton of makeup but, in fairness, all of that is the bare minimum on soaps). Like what even is this headboard? That said, it's nice to see a bedroom set at all. I thought this was a soap! We should be in bedrooms constantly! I have terrible hair jealousy when I watch Crimson scenes. That's... the majority of what I experience watching Crimson scenes. (I've said before that I'm still open to Nelle as a character, though I realize I'm in a minority on that one. I think the actress is dyn-o-mite, but I just wish they'd clarify who this person is any second now so that we -- and she -- have more to work with. We already did the "she's a mystery, we're not sure what her deal is" storyline. This time they could try changing it up by TELLING US one way or the other, for crap's sake. So that we know something Carly and company do not. Because that's... Continue reading

Haven't recapped The Bold & the Beautiful in a while, and given the rather massive casting news we got recently about a certain former General Hospital Aussie joining the cast in what I'm assuming will actually be a pivotal role again (let's face it, Thorne hasn't had a storyline in eons, he was literally only there for like two episodes when his daughter went insane and was killed in self-defense by his niece) it feels like the right time. Especially since it might draw some new viewers! And if you're new, great news: it's not hard to catch up. Everyone has been married to or romantically involved with everyone else (of the opposite gender, that is, no Gays of Our Lives on this one except for Caroline's offscreen moms) on this show and no couples last more than a few months at a time. Now you're caught up! Also, Bill is evil and there's no reason anyone still endures his existence. Anyway, shall we? Steffy and Bill flirt with each other. He calls her "Motorcycle Mama" and my eyes hurt from rolling, and this ain't subtle. Bill is so drawn to Badass Steffy! She's such a Cool Girl! She rides... Continue reading

So, this "Drew" allegedly died at three. I'm admittedly terrible at estimating kids' ages, but the blonde boy in this photo is three or younger??? Seriously? Does... anyone on this show understand that twins are two separate human beings? Why does everyone keep saying "there's two Jasons!" THAT'S NOT HOW TWINS WORK. Are they actually letting Liz be part of a storyline that doesn't involve her dating a serial killer or having kids or standing by a hospital bed with a clipboard? A red letter day! So according to Scott, the history of the Quartermaines having their babies stolen from them and being upset about it makes the Quartermaines.... "sort of grabby when it comes to family?" For real? "Gah, your kid was just kidnapped from you, why so grabby?" Elsewhere.... MAXIE: Pleeeeease be in the mood, I need to feel like I have some sort of purpose for my life. Well, isn't that one of the more pathetic lines we've heard in a while. You see, the reason she's trying to find purpose through sex is that Maxie has submitted her resume to "a dozen places" and hasn't gotten a job yet. The heart bleeds. A dozen? Bleeds, I... Continue reading

We're going back in time a bit to the final episode of Season 2. It always makes me happy to see the Walsh parents in the opening credits. Brenda and Dylan are in an office at border control because Brenda went to another country without a driver's license, as geniuses do. Jim shows up and is NOT PLEASED, because, sure. His child lied about where she was and went to ANOTHER COUNTRY INSTEAD. He yells at Dylan a lot, not even realizing that Brenda lied to Dylan, too. He wants to know if Brandon was part of it, too. He was! And Kelly! Everyone was lying for her! Cindy isn't pleased. Cindy isn't pleased one bit. Jim suggests that the relationship is the problem, and Dylan gets all up in his face, since they are peers. After Dylan takes off, Brenda makes it clear that somehow she has been mistreated and wronged and is the real victim here. Kelly is dating Jake from Melrose Place, or rather Jake who will be on Melrose Place, and gets in trouble with her mom for having lied for Brenda. She isn't delighted. Andrea thinks she wasn't invited to Kelly's mother's wedding. Andrea feels... Continue reading

Oh, dear. Oh, no no no. We're all just going to have to really quickly check in about Kristina's hair color. To wit: Now, where have we seen this before? In case we need a reminder, here's a quick trip down memory lane of the War On General Hospital Brunettes: The bumpit doesn't help the streaks, Liz. Whose idea was this? Oh Sam, no. No. Okay, this had nothing to do with GH, but they still shouldn't have done it! I don't know who's out there promising olive-complexioned white women with gorgeous dark brown hair that blonde is becoming to them, but I'd mistakenly thought whoever it was had ceased fire years ago! Alas, Kristina has fallen victim. She's not the only one in that family. Kristina has also fallen victim to unfortunate soap-speak. Parker was referring to the last time she was in town when they.... when they... and before coming up with whatever phrase she was searching for, Kristina jumped in with "Made love?" Made love. SAME, Parker. Same. Do real people even still say that? I wouldn't know, I don't know any real people, but I know the talkie people in the glowing box on my console... Continue reading

I know, I know, it's a ghost town around here. It's not that I haven't been watching, it's that (frankly) I've needed soaps as pure escapism and actually having to type paragraphs and create screencaps doesn't really allow me to just be a lump on the couch (or bed, let's face it) for 42 minutes. But real life is calming down a bit, so once more into the breach! Okay, I'm just dipping my toe in to see how it goes, so no promises. But in the meantime, I recap! Sam is on the docks in a dream, reaching out to Jason (with his back turned) but he won't answer her. She wakes up by his comatose bedside. Not for nothing, but all the caterwauling over Jason getting shot is cracking me up since not one person has mentioned that they've been through this a thousand times -- not only this but worse, as he's already been presumed dead twice. Once for so long that they had a service and everyone quite moved on with their lives. But now that we're practically back to Guza levels of Sonny/Jason deification/martyring (really, it's as bad as ever, the only distinction being that... Continue reading

The titular mystery here being, really, why I've been watching this show lately with more regularity. There's not a storyline I'm dying to see develop, so I can only conclude that it's due to the Summer TV Wasteland. Or maybe it's just my current shambles of a personal life, during which times I've often noticed there's a certain comfort in the soaps. Like an old bathrobe that doesn't really keep you warm anymore but it still fits and makes you feel like you and you're just glad it's still there even though you don't wear it very often. (Y'all, I even watched and enjoyed The Bold & the Beautiful on Friday! B&B had multiple storylines all in the same episode, it's some sort of June miracle!) (If you have even the remotest interest in B&B and skipped that one, go watch! Now! I'm serious!) On that note, why don't I just do a straight recap while I sip this here delicious black coffee? Curtis confesses to his aunt that he and Jordan are seeing each other. Jordan exasperatedly leans against the doorframe in this tight dress that makes me seriously envy her abs. Finn is apparently playing backgammon with himself.... Continue reading