No, you don't "let go." Your loved one is always with you. The loss is always with you. You cherish the memories of the past, feel the pain of the present, and integrate both into the spirit of the future. My condolences to your family.

"Hi, I'm Alicia ... Rock's mom." Ohhhhh... "Yes. That's me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." And then I hear how wonderful Rock is, how much the kids love him, how the parents love his enthusiasm. But he does get a little ... I take great comfort from the words of my priest when Rock was just toddler: "Thank God he's benign!"

Make sure you find Albert Einstein (across the street from Vietnam Memorial on the mall) and sit in his lap!

My 12YO hates this "game," and my 8YO loves it. Our rules are that you can't play with the 12YO, it HAS to be a beetle (not a Jetta or a Passat or any other VW), and you can't hit the driver. So my little guy will lean forward, and with a gleeful shout, poke me in the arm. On the other hand, since my 8YO isn't driving, I can reach back and slap wildly for him (eyes on the road the whole time, thankyouverymuch) The game makes my 12YO crazy, my 8YO happy, and me smile.

Thanks, Corine. The entire post is here at http://penthaslist.blogspot.com/2008/01/hi-matthew.html The one accommodation I did make to knowing that my BIL had found my blog was that I deleted the "in-law" tag from the most scathing posts. There were one or two that were pretty horrendous in what I said about them -- the "that post" mentioned in my open letter. The posts are still there, but they aren't tagged. Interestingly, I also wrote about this recently on 50-Something Moms, because my nephew's wife found my blog. http://www.50somethingmoms.com/2010/03/the-real-stuff.html Her having found my blog has made it harder to write about my mother and sister, because I don't want to color my niece-in-law's relationship with my sister (her mother-in-law). It's a fine line we walk between authenticity and expectation of privacy.

It's a balancing act. As Annie said, some things are just off limits. On the other hand, my blog is MY BLOG. Here's part of the open letter I posted when I realized that my brother-in-law had found my blog: "They say that you shouldn't put anything into writing that you wouldn't want someone to read, that you shouldn't expect anything that you put into cyberspace to remain private. Well, I probably never would have said the things I have written here to your face, but I doubt that anything you read surprised you. ... This blog has been and will remain, among other things, my place to blow off steam and vent. So long as I treat you graciously and with respect in real life, I feel no shame or embarrassment about what I write here."

I have created a list on FBook called "Blocking the in-laws." Not only are my in-laws on that list, but everyone who knows them, everyone who might report back to them. When I really NEED to vent or say something particularly nasty -- because sometimes, we really do need to say it -- I use that filter on my status update. So far, so good. I sure hope the filter never fails!

I loved living in the city, for all the reasons that we all love it. And I put up with the urine and the newspapers and the drug dealers for all those reasons. But I knew it was time to move to Evanston the night that I clenched my fists so tightly while walking home from the el that my fingernails broke the skin and I actually drew my own blood. It wasn't until the first night I walked home from the Main Street el without fear that I realized how much fear I'd been walking under.

I'm still thinking about this post. How's Kat doing? Any signs of distress? Or, assured that she has done nothing wrong and secure in your love, has she blocked it out of her mind?

This is so scary ... and I agree with Sharon that the boy should be reported to the police. Either he is a potential danger to another child and needs to be monitored/stopped, or he's not and needs to have the sh*t scared out of him. Oh the emotions ... every parent's fear. I'm sorry you're dealing with this.

If anything "good" can be said to have come from my husband's unexpected death at age 44, it's that several of our friends got life insurance beyond what their jobs offer, updated their wills, and checked and re-checked all those documents we want to believe we'll never need. Life happens. And so does Death.

I agree with almost everything you said. Almost. The one thing I disagree with is -- I don't know if the way Arizona is going about the illegal immigration is the "right" way. -- I live in Arizona, and I can tell you that I know that Arizona is NOT handling the illegal immigration issue the "right" way. Forget hot-button labels of racism or concerns about racial profiling. I object to this law because any CITIZEN who "looks like" an immigrant (in this case, Mexican) will have to carry proof that he or she is, in fact, a citizen. Second- and third- generation Mexican-Americans (to say nothing of those whose forebearers were here before Arizona was a state) will have to carry some proof of citizenship. And if such a person can't prove citizenship? Off to jail until some family member or another can dig up a birth certificate or passport. I'm not worried about legal immigrants having to prove that they are here legally: When they come to this country they are told they have to carry their INS papers. I am talking about natural-born U.S. citizens. This law is a precursor to a national identity card, which carries more threats to individual privacy and liberty than I want to think about. THAT is why I object to the law. (And oh yeah, I don't know how the officers enforcing the law are going to decide that someone "looks" like an illegal alien without basing that decision on race.)

I've actually started deliberately not going to church on Mother's Day or Father's Day ... It's just too hard to see all the happy, intact families. (And I, too, sobbed in the church parking lot during those years of trying and failing to conceive a child.)

Yes. But somehow, I don't have "too" hard a time asking friends or family to take the kids shopping for Christmas/birthday presents. (My birthday is right after Christmas, so I can get both covered in one shopping trip.) I think that's because everyone gets in the holiday spirit and enjoys getting presents for other people. And people want to help the kids enjoy the "spirit" of Christmas. But Mother's Day? That's a different kettle of fish, because it has become so artificial and it IS all focused on one person: Me. So I have a hard time asking family to help out with that one.

It wouldn't surprise me to learn that the Mommy Wars have all been orchestrated by men who feel "uncomfortable" with women in positions of authority in the workplace. (You know, in the same way that sensitive information gets leaked about one of the political parties ... by -- SURPRISE -- the other party.) Political cynicism aside, you know that those men who would prefer that the glass ceiling be made of concrete are chuckling with delight at the ongoing bickering among women.

Whenever something big is happening, I deliberately watch Fox News because I disagree with their general slant so vehemently. That way I make sure I'm getting a fuller range of opinion on the subject at hand.

Thank YOU, Annie, for giving those of who were offended by the "joke" a constructive way to express our disgust.

" But attention seeking, misguided, mean-spirited posts that have no agenda other than to promote hate are not welcome in my world." I've been online long enough to realize that I simply need to cut certain parts of the internet out of my world. For the most part, I do a pretty good job of that, but these posts kept appearing on my screen and invading my space. I had to say something.

Thanks, Andrew. I read in a CNN article that Facebook won't delete the offensive page, but that doesn't mean we have to accept its presence quietly.

Thank you for agreeing enough to sign up. That says a lot.

The rant WAS my taking a breath! I find that as I've gotten older, my friends have gotten more homogeneous. I used to have a great diversity of friends with all sorts of ideas and thoughts and perspectives. But now, the people whom I consider my truest friends are on pretty much the same wave-length as I am on the most important political issues -- even when we have utterly different religious ideas. Of course, I know a lot people whose viewpoints diverge from mine, but they wind up not being "friends" beyond the Facebook sense of the word.

I think that if these people were "in my life" I would have to say something, or at least re-evaluate my relationship with them. But they really are only Facebook connections. That's an interesting comment about liberals refraining from discussing sensitive subjects and conservatives not doing so. I'd never thought about that; I wonder how true it is.

I was getting so worked up about it, Annie. I just had to stop myself. Most of these people are not folks whose opinion I value -- and many of them I haven't seen in years and years. Take a breath and put it all in perspective.