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Shane Schneider
Where the buffalo roamed.
I'm nearly 50 - that's middle age if I live to be 100.
Interests: life, death, zen, roller derby.
Recent Activity
You're just hot for fat guys in red fur.
Been there, done that.
Turns out, I broke my hand a couple Saturdays ago while playing baseball in Abilene. I'll run it through spell-check, but if parts of this post look like a page from Flowers for Algernon, that's why. It's incredibly hard to type with one hand securely splinted and wrapped. Frustrating, too. I had hoped to be back to regular posting by now, but it appears I've got too many irons in the fire. As my wife can attest, I tend to acquire duties, obligations and activities like gnats to a brown banana. Then, before you know it, I'm doing none of... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2010 at Nude Zen
Man, I could have gone all day with hearing that, Marcia. My artery walls are probably lined with cinder blocks by now.
Toggle Commented Jul 23, 2010 on Damage Control at Nude Zen
I hear ya. It's been a busy summer for us, too. First frost, though, it'll all come to a grinding halt.
Toggle Commented Jul 23, 2010 on Damage Control at Nude Zen
Junior says they still have to lay down the drum tracks and finish mixing. I told him to give it to me when they're done so I can post a bite.
Toggle Commented Jul 23, 2010 on Schnookered at Nude Zen
So, last weekend I chose to stay home, do some laundry and play Civilization Revolution on X-Box for six hours straight. Actually, I didn't decide to play Civilization Revolution for six hours straight; it just sorta happened. Playing Omnipotent Being can be addictive, and I can now understand why religious people say 1000 years is like one day to God. Time flies when you're running the planet. That was Saturday, and since my wife had Sunday off, I decided to forego my plan to annihilate the Chinese with my Ninja Tank Army and spend time with her. Unfortunately, our community... Continue reading
Posted Jul 23, 2010 at Nude Zen
Dude, that's cold.
Toggle Commented Jul 14, 2010 on Damage Control at Nude Zen
This morning, I washed down a "fiber-packed" protein bar with a bottle of Bolthouse Farms berry/veggie blend. For lunch, I ate pink salmon, an avocado and a Texas Ruby Red grapefruit. For dinner, I'm thinking Brussels sprouts and a 30-minute stroll. Why the uber-healthy, middle-aged effort-to-stave-off-cardiac arrest menu? Partly because my wife refuses to move with me to a hippie commune - but mostly because of damage control. It's mid-summer, and my calendar of events is winding down. Already, I've participated in two family reunions, two July 4th horseshoe tournaments, and three vintage baseball games. I've eaten an untold number... Continue reading
Posted Jul 13, 2010 at Nude Zen
I've never been a high-maintenance kind of guy. On the contrary, I'm pretty easy to please - simple tastes, simple pleasures. Which, actually, is a good way to be if you're not rich. All I need for a good time is plenty of sunshine, a body of water, maybe some ice-cold beers, minimal physical activity and lots of laughter and fellowship (and, I'm not talking about the church kind of fellowship either). By the way, that good time can include my wife - as well as, my peeps. Believe it or not, I actually like hanging out with the Mrs.... Continue reading
Posted Jun 28, 2010 at Nude Zen
Yes, but did you get into the calendar?
Toggle Commented Jun 15, 2010 on On Muses at Nude Zen
Just in time, eh?
Toggle Commented Jun 15, 2010 on On Muses at Nude Zen
Every Muse I've seen has been a beautiful woman, usually dressed like an ancient Greek goddess in lace-up sandals and a twin-sized bed sheet. Whether a normal mortal or a bona fide daughter of Zeus, a Muse is always hot-looking. Hell, Albert Brooks actually starred in a movie called "The Muse." Guess who played the title character ... Sharon Stone. I rest my case. So, it's just my luck that my Muse, more often than not is Bart Cumberledge. His inspiration usually arrives, slightly slurred, in my voice mail like so: "Shane Schneider .... this is Bart Cumberledge. You may... Continue reading
Posted Jun 14, 2010 at Nude Zen
No, you didn't tell me about that. See what watching Martha Stewart can do to you? My question is: Why did he feel the need to craft artificial turds? After all, there's only so much can do with fake turds; they make horrible centerpieces.
Toggle Commented May 26, 2010 on Zombie Strippers at Nude Zen
My wife and her sister departed our driveway at 3 o'clock Friday morning, bound for Galveston. They're spending a few days with their mother, sisters and brother, which means my son and I will be left to our own devices for about a week. This has never been tried before, and I am reminded of the quote Robert Oppenheimer used following the first test of an atomic bomb in 1945 - "Now I am become Death, the destroyer of worlds." Actually, that may be a tad melodramatic. Perhaps, Kenneth Bainbridge's quote is closer to the mark: "Now we are all... Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2010 at Nude Zen
I know! I can't decide if it's a good thing or a bad thing that I can't remember everything that happened when I was in the Coast Guard.
Toggle Commented May 17, 2010 on Seagulls and crabs at Nude Zen
Make sure he's wearing an old shirt when you throw that sandwich.
Toggle Commented May 17, 2010 on Mustard stains are hard to get out at Nude Zen
Oh, yeah. I get plenty of that, too. My son tells me I even get it when I'm not around.
Toggle Commented May 17, 2010 on Mustard stains are hard to get out at Nude Zen
"I ran in had a beer and a shot because that was the polite thing to do." Yep, you were always a very polite person, Bart (purely for medicinal purposes, of course).
Toggle Commented May 17, 2010 on Mustard stains are hard to get out at Nude Zen
I took my mother and my wife out to eat at a fancy-schmancy place Sunday for Mother's Day. I figured it was the least I could do - considering that, in real life, I'm rarely the charming, debonair fella you've no doubt grown to expect in this blog. I do have my shining moments, but they tend to occur at rather broad intervals and mostly accidentally. Actually, on paper, I'm not much of a prize. Fortunately, I know how to operate a washing machine, and I can quickly rustle up a mean plate of spaghetti. And, I'm generally friendly. So,... Continue reading
Posted May 14, 2010 at Nude Zen
Yep. I can see where it might ruin the surprise.
Toggle Commented May 13, 2010 on Smell popcorn? at Nude Zen
Don't worry. You'll get your belated birthday card about a week later - just like always.
Toggle Commented May 13, 2010 on Smell popcorn? at Nude Zen
Will, does that mean your house smells like ... popcorn?
Toggle Commented May 13, 2010 on Smell popcorn? at Nude Zen
Okay, so I get this email the other day from my old Coast Guard buddy, Bart: "I'm itching for another story; no pun intended." First of all, I don't believe him for an instant - I think he fully intended a pun. He was, of course, referring to my last post in which I mentioned the case of crabs I contracted - or, re-contracted - during boot camp. By the way, several people told me that was a "brave" post, which just goes to show that there's a mighty fine line between the bravery of, say, a front-line infantry soldier... Continue reading
Posted May 12, 2010 at Nude Zen
Ha! It's coming. I promise.
Toggle Commented May 7, 2010 on Seagulls and crabs at Nude Zen