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Sydney, Australia
We are what we are, let me be guided with grace...
Interests: Writing, pilates, beach, relaxing with friends and family
Recent Activity
Two thirds of my children are happy, healthy and able. One third is happy, healthy (autism is not an illness) and not able to do everything but he gets by. I took my three thirds to the beach recently. There we are met with another three thirds not far away... Continue reading
About five years ago I handed Luc over to a support worker for the first time. It was called respite. By definition, that was meant to give me a break. In reality, letting go of my five-year old non-speaking, developmentally delayed, self-injurious baby was anything but a break. Not long... Continue reading
“Are you ok? It feels like you're slipping away from us again”. I am momentarily shaken. He knows the signs because he has seen them before. The call to say I wasn’t well; the plea in my voice to come get me; the wrapping in cotton wool of the mother... Continue reading
So the other day Stephane says to me “why don’t you blog tonight? You haven’t blogged for ages”. I tell him I have nothing to say. I’m monotone and lifeless in my response, underwhelmed by almost everything. He looks at me strangely and says “are you kidding me, after everything... Continue reading
When perfect strangers ask me how we do it I’m never sure what to say. It sounds so hollow and so clichéd to say that we do it just because we have to, or because we have no choice, or because it’s just God’s way. All of these things are... Continue reading
This week I've felt like my motherly instincts have deserted me. For the better part of the last nine years a lot of my focus has been on the autism and the child that it plays with. These days the two of them seem to have found a middle ground.... Continue reading
Luc had a hard weekend. After another 4am wakeup on Saturday, he looked beaten. As I pushed him on the swing in the cold morning air, I cursed the autism that messed with his sleep so easily. I wondered how we would all get through the day. On days like... Continue reading
Life is too short to think small. This is how my husband views life. He has massive ideas and plans for the future. He shoots for the stars and doesn’t suffer many fools. He’s impatient and can’t sit for longer than sixty seconds and when he’s forced to, like when... Continue reading
The pattern of a little life is leaving me exhausted. Only in my travelling years would I see the sunrise voluntarily. I remember travelling through the US once and waking bleary eyed in Vegas determined to drive to the Grand Canyon in time to see the first light of the... Continue reading
At most doctors’ appointments I feel like I’m walking through cobwebs. On Monday Luc had an appointment with the neurology team at the children’s hospital. It seems there might be something going on with the right side of his little body making his muscles stiff. Turns out it could be... Continue reading
Deepak Chopra’s ‘Law of Detachment’ says that when you want something really deeply in life, like with every fibre of your being, then it order to attain it you need to detach from it. That sounds so impossible to do. Think about it. During Luc’s first week back at school... Continue reading
She was selling me bunk beds for my girls but apparently that wasn’t her real job. The sale was made and while discussing delivery of our new beds one thing led to another and I told her that delivering flat packed boxes to my front door during afternoon peak hour... Continue reading
The first part of New Year’s Day was spent on the beach. Finally the summer weather seems to have arrived in Sydney and it was a beautiful way to bring in the new year. And then a lazy afternoon was spent at home while Ava slept and we pottered around... Continue reading
…my son has autism, he’s not intentionally trying to piss you off!” Hi everyone, it’s been a while, deliberately because there hasn’t been anything controversial to write about and the good stuff gets boring to read after while. But yesterday, I made a super quick stop at Aldi (I don’t... Continue reading
I’ve been feeling a bit lazy lately. Like everyone else, I’m slowing down after another massive year and my mind and body is ready for some rest over the Christmas break. And with this feeling comes the notion that everything I’m doing is not exactly one hundred percent. Instead it’s... Continue reading
Yesterday our littlest Nicholls turned two. I don’t think she really understood what all the fuss was about. She loved playing with her new toys and when someone wished her a happy birthday she just nodded with a cute little smile pasted on her face. Luc didn’t really pay her... Continue reading
Affected This morning on my way to work I passed a group of men in wheelchairs outside the hotel next door. They were all getting into taxis, very capably. They simply hoisted themselves out of their chairs and into the taxi and they made it look so easy. I guess... Continue reading
I don’t know your name but you met my husband and son at the park the other day. You have a five year old with autism and you’re struggling with deciding where to school her. Let me tell you our story. Luc was treated very badly at his first day... Continue reading
On my way to work this morning I looked up to the tacky billboard for inspiration. I seem to find it difficult to write unless my mind is heavy and convoluted. Right now it's a clear and vacant space. Not a bad thing. Anyway, the billboard said “Pedology is the... Continue reading
I’ve always grown up with a dog. As far back as I can remember we have always had a four-legged friend in my family. First there was Snowy, then Benji. Then came Marcus who was unexpectedly killed by a passing car at a young age. Next was Buff, a boxer... Continue reading
I’m not sure when I stopped noticing people smiling at Luc. Maybe I’ve missed it lately because I’ve stopped looking. But I have been noticing the strange and ignorant looks. The ones that say ‘wow what’s up with him?’ And I know when kids wear that look it’s only because... Continue reading
We have been holidaying with the Walses for many years now, from the time Jac and I were pregnant with Luc and Isabella really, and that was over nine years ago. Our holidays have changed a lot since then, there’s more of us now after all, and I remember in... Continue reading
At 5.45 on Sunday morning I heard the first faint cluck coming from Luc’s room. I was well rested so it woke me up and I listened to make sure he was awake. Within seconds I heard him ‘talking’ to himself quietly. The rest of the family was sound asleep... Continue reading
Last week I caught up with an old friend who is an artist and the walls in her home are adorned with a lot of her paintings. While we sat and had a cup of tea I noticed a post it note on one of her pieces and when I... Continue reading
Right near my office in Mascot there’s this really tacky billboard that only ever has about two advertisements on it and they are completely ridiculous but they always catch my eye. And as I wait at the lights I find myself reading them over and over again so I guess... Continue reading