In most posts, I am condensing and synthesizing information from a variety of "expert" sources that I think will be helpful to parents. This post draws more heavily from anectdotal evidence in talking to parents through my practice, and what I see in my own life and the lives of... Continue reading

This is an exercise based off of a ritual taught by Sarah and Peter Sandhill at their couple’s workshops that I found especially powerful. You can use just parts 1, 2 and 5 together as a shorter exercise in awakening and feeling your connection. This shorter version can be completed... Continue reading

Part of the journey we are all on in developing ourselves into people who can have satisfying, well-functioning relationships is to accept that, when we are upset, as much or more of our distress comes from unresolved wounds inside of us as from whatever is going on interpersonally in the... Continue reading

Here is a link to a recent article summarizing some of the research of the Gottman Institute on what makes for satisfying, long-term relationships: http://www.businessinsider.com/lasting-relationships-rely-on-2-traits-2014-11?utm_content=bufferdc881&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer They boil it down to two main aspects that are present in the great relationships and absent in the miserable ones: kindness and generosity. In... Continue reading

Hello, dear readers! I’ve been busy with life and work for a long time, but I’ve still been learning about relationships and gathering up information to pass along to you. Hopefully I can post semi-regularly for a little stretch here and add to this library of resources for your relationships.... Continue reading

Small experiences of shame are part of socialization. The function of shame is to place a limit on our natural narcissism. The uncomfortable feeling is how we learn that the universe actually does not revolve around us and we can’t just do whatever we want whenever we want without regard... Continue reading

The more chances she has to exert her autonomy, the less your little one will need to pick battles with you over the things you find important. However, some clashes of desires are still inevitable. Parenting often requires that you trump your child’s desires (to touch the hot stove, never... Continue reading

Unless (and even if) we understand that our children’s behavior in this stage is creating the needed experience of individuality, we can easily feel hurt, rejected and confused. Why is my child so dissatisfied with everything these days? Why is she so uncooperative? Why does she get angry and withdraw... Continue reading

Your child is now driven to develop a sense of being an individual, and the fledgling efforts tend to be a bit clumsy. The quickest route to feeling separateness is through opposition. This is why the toddler is drawn to the word “no,” why he may suddenly refuse things he... Continue reading

Toddlerhood is the transition between infancy and childhood, and it involves the following steps of psychological development: Part 1: Your child must digest the information that her primary caregiver is a separate person but affirm her sense that things are basically still okay (“my parent is a separate person who... Continue reading

This stage challenges your child to let go of the illusion that he is omnipotent and accept that there are limits to his capacities and to his freedom. It also challenges him to let go of the illusion that you and he are one person, and accept that you are... Continue reading

Sleep Kids of this age may want to take toys to bed and may play with a stuffed animal awhile before dropping off and before calling parents upon waking. They often need as much as 12 hours sleep (perhaps interrupted just to eat) because they are so active during the... Continue reading

Your child of this age still relates to time mostly as the two categories “now” and “not now,” but understands better that “not now” is not just “no.” The first beginnings of sympathy may emerge, e.g. saying “ouch” in response to another’s hurt, and he may show affection to a... Continue reading

Kids of this age have low impulse control, and a strong drive to practice walking and trotting around, and grabbing for whatever captures their attention. Fence off danger zones if you can. And bear in mind that this is a very challenging time for children to do anything that requires... Continue reading

The next stage is all about beginning to face the reality that a child is an individual, with her own thoughts, feelings, experiences, and desires, which are separate from those of other people. The challenge is coming to grips with that separateness…and the vulnerability, conflict and elation that are part... Continue reading

Ames, L. B., Ilg, F. L., & Haber, C. C. (1982). Your ONE-YEAR-OLD: 12 to 24 Months, Fun-Loving and Fussy. New York: Dell Publishing. Bader, E. & Pearson, P. T. (1988). In Quest of the Mythical Mate: A Developmental Approach to Diagnosis and Treatment in Couples Therapy. New York: Brunner/Mazel,... Continue reading

By 12 months, your child can anticipate certain sequences of events: putting on a coat means we’re going outside; the bedtime routine follows a familiar course. He also expects your predictable response to certain actions: he may repeat actions that got a laugh, or look at you expectantly after tossing... Continue reading

Our children need chances to go exploring, and for us to welcome them back, sharing their excitement about their discoveries. Right now, that may mean playing across the room, toddling a few yards away at the playground, or focusing intently on something or someone other than us for longer than... Continue reading

One of the first aspects of temperament to show itself is the way we are impacted by sensory stimuli: things we can taste, hear, see, smell, or feel. How aware are you of sights, sounds, smells, textures or tastes? When does noise grate on your nerves? Are there smells that... Continue reading

The word “temperament” refers to aspects of our personality that we are born with. It includes things like how impacted we are by sensory stimuli, how easy or difficult it is to take a break in the middle of a project, and how much physical activity we need to feel... Continue reading

Apologies are effective when they successfully convey empathy for the impact of our behavior on the person receiving the apology. In order to convey empathy, we must understand as much as we can about their experience, and this requires listening to them. Sometimes, we offer apologies in the hopes of... Continue reading

An apology is a way to acknowledge when our behavior has had a negative impact on another person, to express regret over that impact, and to open the door to repair for any damage done to our relationships. An apology is something that arises out of our genuine desire for... Continue reading

Your child’s psychological development task during this stage is to get comfortable with the new levels of independence that mobility enables. She will soon confront one of the major ongoing challenges of being human: balancing desires for closeness, connection and acceptance with desires for independence and autonomy. Now that your... Continue reading

The start of toddlerhood is a time when your child is happily impressed with his own skills and still a bit under the illusion that you are an extension of him. This illusion means that your child expects to have control of you, sort of like you control your own... Continue reading