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Bill Gullo

Brooklyn

New Dad, Writer, Lover & Fighter

Interests: self-improvement, self-engorgement, the moon, dancing in my underpants, wordsmithery, meditating, bike riding, guitar playing, scrubbing my brain, dogs, live music, instinctively pouring the right amount of a beverage into someone’s glass, family, friends, gratitude, love, hugging, connecting with fellow humans, oinkbirds, rivers, mountains, grass, food, justice, drink, and singing at my hands while I wash them.

Recent Activity

Count to One Hundred

He already reacts to my laptop with the fervor of a malnourished zombie at a fat farm. Denying him access to it is the one thing that is sure to make him cry. I’ve actually seen him handle physical pain with more grace and stoicism than when I shut my computer. Continue reading

Posted Jan 11, 2012 at MonkeyFight

0

Parenting Tip #182 - Dancing

I don't want to be one of those parents who ignores my child's raw potential just because I ignored my own raw potential. Continue reading

Posted Nov 4, 2011 at MonkeyFight

0

Qaddafi's (Magic) Number is Up

The Boy is not a very fast crawler in general. In fact, he seems oddly deliberate and aware of his body when he moves - kind of like a Great Dane, which is why they make such good apartment dogs. Continue reading

Posted Oct 27, 2011 at MonkeyFight

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My most recent screenplay contains some horror elements. There is a fair amount of blood and mayhem in it. The experience taught me a lot. For example, when writing in the horror genre you have to make sure the reader knows your intent. Instead of writing: John looks out the... Continue reading

Posted Oct 20, 2011 at MonkeyFight

0

Parenting Tip #316: Lullabies

I’ve got nothing against African-American spirituals. I occasionally pull out Old Man River myself, but I’d hardly call it my Go-To. Me, I’m split between You Are my Sunshine and Cheeseburger in Paradise. Continue reading

Posted Aug 14, 2011 at MonkeyFight

2

The Boy started moving his body to music around the age of 6 or 7 months. I couldn’t even believe that his early wiggles were related to music. I thought he was somehow engaged in some early form of Pilates, working his core muscles in preparation for crawling. I really... Continue reading

Posted Aug 2, 2011 at MonkeyFight

1

Introducing The Bliss Archive

The Bliss Archive is pretty self-explanatory. It’s a place for people to upload moments of bliss. Whatever that means for them. People have posted dramatic rare experiences and ordinary every day moments that somehow became not so ordinary. So far there’s a story about a rainstorm in Laos, a Fats... Continue reading

Posted Jul 29, 2011 at MonkeyFight

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Notes From the Festival

Stolichnaya is a festival sponsor so my organs are in a nice vodka marinade. I've seen Elton John perform. I've seen DeNiro mumble through a few words and give his signature eye-brow raise. Continue reading

Posted Apr 29, 2011 at MonkeyFight

0

The Monkey Fight is On

Literally, what did we do in the days when 'status update' and 'feed' were boring technical words? Don’t get me wrong – for all I know people were choking kittens before and now they’re harmlessly looking at pictures of people they wanted to have sex with when they were 17. Continue reading

Posted Apr 22, 2011 at MonkeyFight

5

The Boy’s Irish Side

After all, right now people all over the city are getting drunk and bragging about being Irish. Some are even in traditional Irish dress: green foam hats, shamrock necklaces, and vomit-speckled shoes. Continue reading

Posted Mar 17, 2011 at MonkeyFight

2

Cracking Chat Roulette

I still got 'nexted' a lot but mostly by people who disappeared so quickly I couldn’t even send my message. And I had less success with a pink stuffed animal and a guy who was dangling from a noose above an upturned chair. But for the most part people stuck around. Continue reading

Posted Feb 19, 2011 at MonkeyFight

8

The Typo Project

I found this to be an evocative and accurate description of my experience as a writer since I never sit down to write without my 20 Gauge Browning Pump Shotgun. Like Watson it is a legendary workhorse, but unlike Watson it's crafted from forged steel and fine walnut. Continue reading

Posted Feb 17, 2011 at MonkeyFight

1

I Want to Live in an Obama Speech

He knocks them out of the park. Don't get me wrong - he’s terrible at baseball; his opening day pitch was only a little better than his attempt at bowling - but when it comes to orating, the guy hits home runs. And he’s too skinny to be on ‘roids, so he’s got to be legit. Continue reading

Posted Jan 13, 2011 at MonkeyFight

2

Since we’ve had Senate Hearings about the effect rap music and death metal has on our precious, vulnerable youth how about we have some hearings to investigate the effect murderous political rhetoric has on our society. Continue reading

Posted Jan 9, 2011 at MonkeyFight

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THE IGNORANT BLISS

As a new parent, I occasionally wonder how I might talk to The Boy about topics such as these - topics revolving around inspiration and consciousness and his place in the universe. Maybe I'll start by getting some life-sized toys in the house so he doesn't think he towers over elephants and lions. Continue reading

Posted Jan 8, 2011 at MonkeyFight

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Man in a Blizzard

Sometimes when you find yourself alone you're in trouble. Particularly when that moment occurs in a bar between the hours of 3-4am and you can smell gin when you cough or sneeze. Continue reading

Posted Jan 4, 2011 at MonkeyFight

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Great Song or Greatest Song?

As part of my effort to create more kinetic earnings as a writer, I’m penning a little gem in the romantic comedy genre. Or as people in the biz say - romedy-rom-comedy-rom genre. Continue reading

Posted Jan 3, 2011 at MonkeyFight

243

Two Thousand Ten

My 2010 deserves a wrap up. Continue reading

Posted Dec 31, 2010 at MonkeyFight

2

Blizzard Gizzard

This morning he just strained at the end of his leash, his snout longingly taking in the scent of greasey chicken flesh mixed with the crisp winter air. Continue reading

Posted Dec 30, 2010 at MonkeyFight

1

To up the ante, I borrowed a few tricks from the timeless and mysterious art of pantomime. I was hoping to paint my face white, but all we had in the house was the purple outdoor paint we used on our fence. I hesitated until I saw we had turpentine. And just to be extra careful I only used one coat. Continue reading

Posted Dec 17, 2010 at MonkeyFight

1

Ultimately, we walked out of the 2 month check up thinking we’d better get our act together unless we wanted a flat-headed, rickets-ridden kid. Continue reading

Posted Dec 1, 2010 at MonkeyFight

5

Kinetic Breasts

The Boy’s been watching me lately. For the first few weeks, a little over a month or so, he pretty much ignored me. Paid more attention to the ceiling fan actually. But lately I think I’ve caught up to the fan because now when I cross the room his eyes follow me. Continue reading

Posted Nov 17, 2010 at MonkeyFight

0

WHAT RHYMES WITH IGNORE?

The war in Afghanistan has been going on for nine years. It took me a moment to absorb that number so I think it bears repeating: nine years. It’s the longest war we’ve ever fought. Interestingly, the Soviet War in Afghanistan lasted nine years. In the 1980’s the Soviets were... Continue reading

Posted Nov 11, 2010 at MonkeyFight

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DON'T TREAD ON CHEESE!

Afterward, we took The Boy to Taco Bell as a treat. Not only does Taco Bell have delicious, affordable food, but it’s really become a bastion of creative thought by encouraging us all to think outside the bun. Continue reading

Posted Nov 7, 2010 at MonkeyFight

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THE HUFFINGTON POST IS CORNY

As usual my thoughts eventually got around to The Boy, and I thought maybe the giant red letters were meant for babies. Continue reading

Posted Nov 3, 2010 at MonkeyFight

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