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DC Culinarian

Washington, DC

Federal foodie.

Recent Activity

How To Poach A God Damn Egg

The other day, a friend of mine was struck by the realization that chard, the worthy and often overlooked cousin of the execrable beet, had risen to the top of his personal vegetable food ranking. Having learned this fact about himself, he did what any self-respecting millennial (hah) would do:... Continue reading

Posted Mar 24, 2015 at DC Culinarian

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A Long Year's Respite, In Meatballs

So I made some meatballs. It's been a long, long time since I made anything with the intention of blogging about it, but these meatballs were made for that purpose. Also: for eating. They were good meatballs -- better than average, if I do say. But I feel it's important... Continue reading

Posted Oct 20, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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How Much Coffee Would It Take To Kill You?

While putzing around the Twitters yesterday I came upon an intriguing question: how much caffeine would it take to induce a heart attack? The question is a fun one given that caffeine, our widespread enjoyment of it notwithstanding, is in fact poison. The plants that produce caffeine naturally – coffee... Continue reading

Posted Mar 14, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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The Weird, Stupid History Of Tomatoes

William Andrus Alcott was a hater. A pioneer of vegetarianism and veganism in the United States, Alcott adjudicated the virtues and evils of all manner of edibles in his 1838 treatise, The Young Housekeeper; Or, Thoughts On Food And Cookery. A great many foodstuffs didn’t live up to his exacting... Continue reading

Posted Mar 6, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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The Primordial Hot Pocket

Some Hot Pockets were recalled this week. Nestle (which apparently inflicts Hot Pockets on the world) recalled the Philly Cheese Steak variety of Hot Pocket because -- and this is a quote directly from the USDA -- they might contain meat from "diseased and unsound animals." There's a lot to... Continue reading

Posted Feb 19, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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Fried Plantains

Bananas, despite their ubiquity and general inoffensiveness, are actually pretty strange. To begin with, the banana tree is not a "tree." It's actually a big-ass herb, which makes the banana fruit a big-ass berry of sorts. The sweet, soft, seedless banana cultivar that is piled high in our supermarkets is... Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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Meat Week 2014: Urban BBQ

Urban BBQ in Rockville understands Meat Week. They've been doing it for six years now -- a feat that is kind of astounding given that DC Meat Week is only five years old. But they understand that when you go to a Meat Week event, you're not there to eat... Continue reading

Posted Jan 27, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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A Tremendous Dutchman

Washington isn't especially popular right now. I am using "Washington" in the metonymic sense, referring to the grinding organs of the federal bureaucracy. The city itself remains vibrant and lovely, even as it lies partially paralyzed by a trifling quantity of snow. No it's the government that's bearing the brunt... Continue reading

Posted Jan 24, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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He Is Not A Cook

It's coming. Continue reading

Posted Jan 21, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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Meat Week Is Coming

It's that time of year. Continue reading

Posted Jan 19, 2014 at DC Culinarian

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Comfort In The Familiar

Sometimes you get thrown for a loop. Mrs. Culinarian and I were coasting along with relative ease, not entirely certain what lay ahead, but confident enough, and then BLAMMO. A hammer we couldn't imagine was looming overhead dropped with sufficient force that in a seeming instant, pretty much everything we... Continue reading

Posted Dec 13, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Hi Toni, you do indeed grind up the pepitas for the soup. The ones you see in the photo were added as garnish. Hope this helps!

Commented Dec 13, 2013 on Pozole Verde at DC Culinarian

Never Cook Food In Your Coffeemaker

If you click around through BuzzFeed or Huffington Post you'll inevitably come across some engaging listicles promoting what are known as "kitchen hacks" -- tricks for home cooks to employ in their kitchen that alternate between clever, fun, useless, and counterproductive. The "kitchen hack" genre reflects the abject terror a... Continue reading

Posted Nov 19, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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This is Harriet. Harriet is a Kangaroo Island kangaroo, a subspecies of the western grey kangaroo, and she is a permanent resident of the Healesville Sanctuary, located about an hour's drive east of Melbourne. She's about three feet tall and a touch overweight, given that she spends her afternoons eating... Continue reading

Posted Nov 5, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Conception Versus Execution

Mrs. Culinarian called me at work in a slight panic. "I just talked to mom," she said. "She wants to take me for a Guinness." I asked if she could perhaps deflect her, maybe suggest going for coffee instead. "No, I tried that. She really wants to spend some time... Continue reading

Posted Oct 29, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Collingwood, Victoria is a grungy, hip stretch of urban sprawl plastered with posters and flyers advertising local rock groups and concerts by big-name musicians. Walking along Smith St., you'll pass by odd boutiques and book shops and massage parlors until finally you arrive at a pair of large wooden doors... Continue reading

Posted Oct 26, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Big Pommy Bastard

Melbourne and its outlying suburbs are an eclectic mix of neighborhoods; a mish-mash of architectural styles and cultural scenes. Walk through any neighborhood and you'll get a sense of careful disorganization. It's a city that feels young. You hardly see any gray hair or creased faces. Seriously, it's like Logan's... Continue reading

Posted Oct 22, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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We've been in Australia for less than 24 hours and already the gastronomic quirks are making themselves known. Pictured above are Tim Tams: chocolate covered biscuits that are a popular accompaniment to tea or coffee. They are so popular, in fact, that it is apparently not uncommon to bite off... Continue reading

Posted Oct 17, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Melbourne Bound

Right now Mrs. Culinarian and I are en route to Melbourne, Australia, and when I get there I'm going to eat a kangaroo. Not this specific kangaroo, and not necessarily an entire kangaroo, but certainly a piece of one. I've been told it's similar to venison: very lean, very red.... Continue reading

Posted Oct 15, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Apple Fennel Pizza

To hell with autumn. Actually, scratch that. Hell is autumn. Popular mythology describes hell as a place of fire and heat, forever burning, but that's wrong. Dante had it right -- the center of hell is windy and stormy and cold. Hell is forever autumnal. Yeah, yeah, tell me about... Continue reading

Posted Oct 10, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Just Something I Noticed

I live in the DC area but my baseball allegiance belongs to the Bronx. After convincing Mrs. Culinarian that it would be really fun, we drove up this week to attend the last home game of the Yankees' disappointing season -- the last game Mariano Rivera would ever play in... Continue reading

Posted Sep 27, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Chocolate-Hazelnut Mousse Cake

There are times, and I assume this happens to every home cook out there, when you just nail it. You get this idea for something to make, and you get to making it, and then it's made, and then you look at it this thing you made and you can't... Continue reading

Posted Sep 27, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Shuck This: How To Pop Open Oysters

There's nothing glamorous about an oyster. It's a primitive bivalve encased in a rocky carapace that's plucked from the silty muck and brutally pried open in anticipation of having it's squishy, slimy contents poured down your throat. But people love them, myself included. Getting them open, however, can be a... Continue reading

Posted Sep 12, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Two Pounds Of Cheese

I ate two pounds of cheese. In a week. The average American consumes about an ounce of cheese per day, and even that is probably too much. For a whole week I cruised along at about 5 times the average. Actually, that's not quite accurate. Let me refine this a... Continue reading

Posted Sep 4, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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Basic Pasta Sauce

The nonsense funnel that is Twitter brought to my attention this 2009 piece from The Awl on -- well the title is really all you need. Stripping out the profanities and taking a good hard look at the steak-cooking procedure described therein, I came to a couple of realizations. First:... Continue reading

Posted Aug 14, 2013 at DC Culinarian

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