Good post, Melody. You're also a good sport, as you probably knew you'd get ribbed about it. Actually, Lynn and Karen noticed something in your article that I've noticed for years in various articles about motherhood. An author remarks off-hand about what's unimportant to her, or what's more important to her than something else, when it comes to raising children. Sometimes it makes the author come off as judgmental or, as you put it,"a snob." Most times, however, the author has an audience of like-minded people and usually just gets an "amen" from them. Imagine if I wrote a similar post saying: "Really? In this mini-van, drive thru dinner culture we live in, why can't one of the parents take off a few years from work and provide a less stressful approach to parenting." I'd draw angry replies from this forum, but "amens" from one comprised of mostly stay-at-home moms. I saw one article recently where a working mom essentially said, "I don't have to wear skinny jeans to prove something to others. I think I'm a great mom." Well, I'm surrounded by a bunch of moms who wear skinny jeans. I couldn't squeeze into any to save my life, but I probably would wear them if I were thinner. They're cool. I'm not jealous of the skinny jean wearers. Nor am I judging them for wearing them. I concluded that the writer of the article judged those women. Or had a bad case of sour grapes. By the way, I liked the title of your post. You admit up front that you have a double standard about cooking for the family. We all have those. I'm a stay-at-home mom and I hate to cook! We live at the drive-thru window! --RH

Nice post Julie! Might have to show it to the hubby! I could certainly use a little more, ahem, appreciation! ;^)

Love your flippant response Melody!

Ahhh, yes! Forgot about that one!

E: Gee, I'm sorry this is happening to you. Perhaps you are not in the right community for your family. I hope you are able to do whatever you reasonably believe is in the best interest of your child. FGV: I know. (Sigh.)

Welcome back! I agree with you that Hilary Rosen's statement was merely clumsy, and thus I took no offense as a stay-at-home mom. Trying to survive on one income today comes with economic hardship too. Not all single-income families are rich. Apparently, Ms. Rosen was only trying to say that Ann Romney couldn't relate to or appreciate the economic struggles of middle class & working poor women because she's led such a privileged life. Actually, I do find that somewhat offensive. Ms. Romney is entitled to seek to get exposure to the problems of other American women and try to help them, even if she's never experienced such problems herself. I've never been poor or on welfare, but I can still appreciate the struggles of the women who have and try to help them.

Thanks for sharing you story. I also envy the women who make juggling work and motherhood look easy, even though we all know it isn't easy at all.

Thanks Katherine! I was just telling a friend yesterday that, although I'm a stay-at-home mom, I still hate those moms groups! But I love your philosophy!

Good for you! As a stay-at-home mom in an eco-crazy community, I'm surrounded by knitters, composters, and organic farmers! Oh my! It's not enough to just buy organic eggs, many of them are actually raising chickens in their backyards. (I kid you not!) I was invited to learn how to do canning and politely declined. I now believe the act of declining was itself impolite...in a Stepford Wives sort of way.

Wow! I just read the last half-dozen comments on this article. Sorry to those of you who were offended. But it was meant to be provacative. I viewed this piece as analytical of stay-at-home moms, not working moms. So, I was a bit surprised at some of the reactions. I can only surmise that my first observation--that SAHMs don't envy working moms and think they're superior--stuck with you more than the other four observations. Well, please tune in tomorrow as I will offer the FIVE THINGS WORKING MOMS DON'T WANT STAY-AT-HOME MOMS TO KNOW. I hope you'll notice the similarities. And I can't wait to hear your thoughts!

Stacy, Your post is spot on! Interestingly, your "slider" list identifies activities that stay-at-home moms often do, likely because they have a lot more time on their hands. When I was a working mom, I didn't do any of that stuff--and never felt bad about it. Heck, as a current stay-at-home mom, I still don't do much of that stuff! I think it's great, however, to stop and ask yourself what's most important to you at any given time in your life. After spending time as a working mom, I decided that attending brain-numbing staff meetings, writing boring memos, and dealing with office politics were the things I wanted to let slide. Though I'm no uber-mom (the stay-at-home mom equivalent of the supermom), I gotta say that my kid thinks the homemade cupcakes taste better. Probably because we had the time to make them together, an activity I didn't want to let slide.

Hey TNH Guy! I'm so glad my post inspired you to write yours! Mine was definitely tongue-in-cheek. Like, my husband is fantastic and I don't really hate the name "Kristin." But I'd kick a cat to be a MILF! If anything, I really wanted to point out that the Mommy Wars aren't really between working moms and stay-at-home moms. Rather, it appears that the stay-at-home moms are engaged in silent wars with each other. And even those "wars" aren't all that serious. I mean, we DO have to "spot" each other at the gym! If I were to take a more serious approach, I would ask why women are still the primary parents debating whether to work outside the home or stay home, or do a hybrid. Is it because women are still expected to be the primary parent? Is it because women biologically WANT to be the primary parent? Or is it because men still make more money so women's careers are necessarily secondary (or as you say "fluid")? By the way, I wanted so badly to drop a footnote in my "don't have to work" discussion just to mention that we live in a materialistic world where so many people feel like both spouses have to work. I see lots of families led by two professionals claiming they both need to work, yet they both drive Mercedes Benz cars and live in a well-to-do neighborhood. So, yes, it is about choices. What I'd really love to know is, if they somehow won the lottery, what would working moms do? Would they all quit so they can spend more time with their kids? Would they still try to maintain their careers and just hire more help around the house? And what would dads do? Wait, I think I just came up with fodder for a couple of blog posts for both of us!

Thanks Aimee. I think your advice is good for both moms and dads--try to spend as much time as you can with your kids. One of the earlier commenters noted that working from home could be an ideal option for moms (or dads!). As I mentioned in the post, with the economy being what it is, I don't know how many options are really available to many stay-at-home moms. Still, I think you raise a great point about marriages failure rates and how much stay-at-home moms & their children can be affected by this. The spousal & child support laws really aren't that bad, though. And, yes, some states are better than others--particularly about enforcement. Also, for spouses of military and federal employees who have been married long enough, the federal govt automatically provides spousal support, deducted from the employee's paycheck, in the event of separation or divorce. But, of course, the employee could quit or lose the govt job or leave the military. Another major consideration for the stay-at-home mom is the possible untimely death of her spouse. Many of us wonder whether we have purchased adequate life insurance. Again, the federal (and state) govt provides an annuity for widowed spouses and their children. But what about the private sector? Yet another consideration is the possibility that the stay-at-home mom herself meets an untimely death. It raises another age-old question: how do you value the work of the stay-at-home parent in terms of replacement "costs." Again, I think it's a matter of insurance coverage or lack thereof.

Hi JenB! Wow, thanks for the thoughtful and candid observations! As a former career mom, I think you're right on target about the issues surrounding working moms. In fact, I plan to devote another post to address what I think are the 5 things career moms don't want stay-at-home moms to know. You have beat me to the punch and covered a couple of those things for me! I'll be anxious to learn what you think of that post when it's published. And I do realize that some of us have to work, period. I'm heavily dependent upon a spouse who works, but what if he lost his job in this terrible economy? The bottom line is, I'd have to work. Fortunately, as another Current Mom author (Stacy Feuer) observed in a recent post: the kids usually turn out just fine when their moms work, and if anything the girls grow up to be happier than daughters of moms who do not work. -RH

I dunno. I see a number of teens/tweens walking dogs and babysitting for neighbors. And I put up my fair share of resistance to unloading the dishwasher when I was a kid too. Like many of my fellow housewives, I think that kids need a fair amount of unstructured playtime anyway. After all, Bill Gates and other great innovators attribute their success to having the luxury of parents who let them daydream and mess around in the garage after school. I suspect that's easier to accomplish when one parent stays at home. When both parents work all day, their kids often go straight to structured "enrichment" programs after school. It seems like they just needed to stash their kids somewhere until they get off work. I've noticed that those with nannies don't bother with that and seem to let their kids play freely after school. In fact, I probably spend more time talking to the nannies at the playground than I do my fellow housewives, but that is a story for another day!

Hi Anon! Thanks for your great comments. From what I can see, there's a nostalgia for a slow, old-fashioned way of life, much like there's a nostalgia for "slow cooking" these days. So, actually, they do have their kids mowing neighbors' lawns to earn money and setting up lemonade stands, etc. Yet, as I mentioned before, they are very progressive. So, the kids usually do it to raise money for some worthwhile charity. I do know of a few women in the neighborhood who work from home. I think you might be right!

Another nice post, Stacy. Interesting observations here about the impact on sons with moms as sole breadwinners, and the behavioral problems of girls with moms who do not work outside the home. Of course, with respect to girls, I wonder if sexism is an issue. Are little boys similarly aggressive and their behavior is merely written off as "boys behaving like boys"? Anyway, your post is great for the internal debate women often have over whether they should work or stay home with their kids. If I may plug my own piece, I just posted something today on this site about what life is like as a stay-at-home mom. I hope readers will find it more fodder for that debate.