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Emily
Grand Rapids, Michigan
Baby, beer and banter are the names of my game.
Interests: husband, nugget, fur nuggets, writing, mismatching, mascara snobbing, craft brews, unfinished crafts, chartreuse, fluffy blanket testing, beauty blogs, pizza tasting, family, bargain hunting, McGriddles, owlies, whimsy, bad jokes, painting, baby clothes, DIY, naughty words, eyeshadow, letter writing, salted caramel, office supplies, bear hugs
Recent Activity
My soon to be 13 mo old has even talking since 9 months and now has a creepily full vocabulary and says short sentences. You'd think that would be amazing, but paired with the fact that she's super small and doesn't walk, it's a food way to scare people in the store. Yesterday... SHE WALKED. She was so, so proud of herself!! Maybe she won't be such a tiny creep anymore... ;) ;)
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If I can help one pregoriffic mama save some cash and retain some sanity, I wanna. Continue reading
Posted Oct 21, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
My baby turned one yesterday, and started talking VERY early. At about 9/10 months, she became obsessed with clocks and the sound they make ("tick tock!"). The only problem is that she left out the 'L' in clock. We were in the grocery store and a sweet elderly came up to say hi. Hazel pointed at her face, looked her in the dead in the eye and yelled, "COCK! COCK!" I couldn't get her to stop.
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I just got done reading an article on HelloGiggles.com and was insipired to write about my very own horrid encounter with my least favorite thing on the planet. Outside of a clown. SPIDERS. In the spirit of this here article, I would like to share why spiders make ME nervous,... Continue reading
Posted Sep 4, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Ugghhhh SERIOUSLY, YOU GUYS - When it rains, it freakin' pours. Do you ever feel like that? I do NOT enjoy feeling sorry for myself, because I know I have it good in so many ways... but I feel pretty damn sorry for myself right now. This is bananas. Pity... Continue reading
Posted Aug 21, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Korey and I are in the process of prepping our house to sell. We've never done this before. Buying a house was easy! This is another story. You don't realize the sheer amount of (pardon my French) SHIT that adds up over the years. It's hard for me to get... Continue reading
Posted Jul 24, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Just a Tuesday morning observation. It may be a little angry. A little uncaffeinated. It happens. Commence offending unsuspecting people. Woke up. Perused the Facebook, like usual. Scrolled through endless sunset photos scrawled with dissatisfied messages aimed at no one (a.k.a. someone very specific) in particular. I am perplexed as... Continue reading
Posted Jul 23, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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So, Duchess Kate is having her baby as we speak. I feel like Kate is basically a mystery as far as women in the public eye go. You never see a hair out of place. She is expected to be a "lady" at all times. She always looks calm, kind... Continue reading
Posted Jul 22, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I've been MIA for a few months due to about 60 days of pure madness. I'm back now... with what is sure to be some intense entertainment. WE'RE SELLING OUR HOUSE. Stay tuned, brats. In the meantime, enjoy my child setting her tuckus on K's head. Continue reading
Posted Jul 18, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
No big regrets, but small ones! The bumbo (she didn't fit in it for long), the swing, easy velcro swaddlers, crappy humidifier (We ended up getting a very nice one, which we should have done right off the bat!), bassinet Faves!: Sophie & Chan, Rock n Play (AMAZING! She slept in it by the bed for almost 3 months. Only way she'd sleep on her back!), nose frida, glowing bathtub ducks (she uses them out of the tub), jogger, ergobaby, jumperoo, aden + anais blankets for EVERYTHING.
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In case you aren't familiar with the term Sanctimommy, here are a couple defs to help you understand: *Sanctimommy[1] is a portmanteau of two words, sanctimonious and mommy. The word is a colloquialism used to refer to a person, usually a female, who has very opinionated views on child rearing... Continue reading
Posted May 15, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I'm pretty sure Hazel woke up the other day with an agenda. That agenda was to make mommy feel like her sweet baby was snatched in the night and replaced with a little sassy one that blows some now very aggressive raspberries. I fed her some bites of my yogurt.... Continue reading
Posted May 15, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I turned 7 months old yesterday! I'm a little wild woman. Don't take your eyes off of me or I'll be across the room. I'll be crawling any time now. I have two teeth! I eat anything in my path and love baby crackers and puffs. Baba is my current... Continue reading
Posted Apr 24, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I don't know about you guys, but I would much rather spend my money on burritos and new jeans than on bills. I just got done paying off the remainder of the credit card and medical bills that have been haunting us for the past few years. You'd think I... Continue reading
Posted Apr 23, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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This morning was one of those mornings where I questioned whether or not I would be able to remain conscious until 10 a.m. unless I inhaled a Red Eye with an extra shot. {For those of you that are unaware of what a Red Eye contains, it's brewed coffee with... Continue reading
Posted Apr 17, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Everyone told me that Hazel would grow up faster than I can bat an eyelash. I didn't realize how serious they were. In the past 2 weeks, she has learned how to feed herself puffs, had two teeth poke through, and has learned to take a full on crawl position.... Continue reading
Posted Apr 16, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I just really need to discuss what I am 99% sure I saw yesterday on my way to pick up Hazel from the nanny. Pretty positive I saw a dance fight. Two men, hats cocked to the side, taking turns lunging at each other and gracefully leaping from side to... Continue reading
Posted Apr 9, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Alright, I'm gonna talk about food for a minute. I would like to talk about it for all of the minutes on all of the days, but I will spare you. As I revamp my diet, I've come across some seriously delicious ways to keep myself from speed dialing Dominos.... Continue reading
Posted Apr 9, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I'll be the first to admit that I take WAY TOO MANY PICTURES OF MY CHILD. At 6 months old, I think she's already irritated. The moment she sees my iphone appear, she frowns. And stares. And frowns some more. Korey bought me a pretty killer Canon camera a few... Continue reading
Posted Apr 6, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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I cannot express in any appropriate terms the extremes I will go to to avoid exercise. I was one of those lucky little snots that was naturally slim and trim and muscular throughout my teenage years and into my early twenties. It was insane. When I turned 25, it was... Continue reading
Posted Apr 6, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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This is week two of Hazel being sick. Two weeks of explosive diarrhea. Two weeks of projectile vomit. Now she has a cold on top of it. I woke her up from her nap only to find an ogre eye and a booger volcano. Though the doctor assured me that... Continue reading
Posted Mar 27, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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As a new mom, there are some things that I find myself enjoying that I didn't ever dream that I would give a thumbs up to. Instead of trying to explain why I want to roll in these things like a pile of glitter, I shall list them out and... Continue reading
Posted Feb 19, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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Pass the soap. I guess I better shower today. Hey guys, I remember a time long ago when I used to spend at least an hour plus getting ready for work in the morning. Makeup done, eyebrows waxed, nails painted, hair blown out. Even crazier, I would spend hours getting... Continue reading
Posted Feb 19, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.
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When the cat's away, the mice will get takeout that an unsupervised 10 year old would order, drink wine (and milk) out of the bottle, watch Bad Girls Club On Demand, and use our extreme outside voices while rolling on the floor and eating plastic jungle animals. I bet we're... Continue reading
Posted Feb 1, 2013 at The Art of Adulthood.