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Helen J
East Sussex
I am a psychotherapy student, amateur artist and a stay at home mom with three children.. One lives in heaven now ..
Interests: I am fascinated by religion and politics and by what drives society and people to do what they do.. First camera at age 11, given to my by my grandmother, I have very little in the way of formal training..just a lot of practice and a desire to freeze moments of time with my camera.. Music is another passion.
Recent Activity
The plane hit the second tower..... I heard it and simultaneously heard my husband and his boss swear audibly from the office.... Joe was still oblivious and getting ready to go to school.. Ella was still asleep. Neil and I had a quick talk..what to do.. To send joe to... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2021 at Lead Into Gold...
I am watching a programme tonight about 9/11, 20 years on... 20 years on! It feels like yesterday that I came out of my bedroom to find my husband and his boss, who had just flown out to visit us, staring stone-faced at their computer screens in our office. I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 8, 2021 at Lead Into Gold...
“The glow flares bright—bright as the billion-year-old light around us. Bright as a sun. Almost every particle in the universe was once part of a star. First, hydrogen condensing and collapsing, bringing radiance to the void. Furnaces burning bright, then fading, giving all they had left back into the cosmos.... Continue reading
Posted Sep 6, 2021 at Lead Into Gold...
Helen J is now following Stella Louise
Sep 6, 2021
Helen J is now following alterme
Sep 6, 2021
Helen J is now following たかゆき
Sep 6, 2021
Helen J is now following Millicent
Sep 6, 2021
Tonight I am thinking about memory... So many things, for me, speak to and have resonance of, memories. And this got me thinking... I am remembering my son's smell, his gorgeous laid back laugh.. The. way all the animals always gravitated to his bed.. He had the snacks and made... Continue reading
Posted Sep 4, 2021 at Lead Into Gold...
I am sat here watching..well half watching, a show where the 17 year old lad hops his father's car and there's a malfunction which means the brake pedal malfunctions. I sit here with the knowledge that this almost exact thing happened to my husband's mid life crisis TT on the... Continue reading
Posted May 22, 2020 at Lead Into Gold...
Autumn morning dog walk..... and coffee. Biscuits for Shi :) Continue reading
Posted Dec 2, 2019 at Lead Into Gold...
Oh honey It's just a wave It's just a wave and I know That when it comes I just hold on I just hold on I just hold on Until its gone... Continue reading
Posted Jun 30, 2017 at Lead Into Gold...
So, its been some time... I know you know that you've not been anywhere except in my heart . I know you know that I don't spend a moment without thinking of you, I still don't believe that its forever that you are gone.. I can't I guess. Its just... Continue reading
Posted Jun 13, 2017 at Lead Into Gold...
I would love love love a playlist from you ... I am in the aftermath of my son's suicide and struggling to see the good in the world sometimes.. Im also a trainee psychotherapist and i have used lyrics to understand issues in my life always... Id love to see what you have for me
1 reply
via there were a set of photos on Joe's phone after he died... He had spent the Thursday making Brownies with Anya ... Seeing those photos tore my heart into pieces.. Joe loved Anya so much so so much .. what the hell made him leave her just two... Continue reading
Reblogged Apr 1, 2015 at Lead Into Gold...
How did you get to be four! I hear mom ask all the time, but from where I am its even more crazy... Last time I saw you you were just before your third birthday.. Growing too fast even then .. I'd be so proud of you if I was... Continue reading
Posted Mar 9, 2015 at Dear Anya..
I loved to see your face at Christmas... I can see you from where I am .. I can see you always ... I never had an idea that I would go.. I never meant to. I loved you more than anything I have ever known .. You were utterly... Continue reading
Posted Dec 1, 2014 at Dear Anya..
to my littlest sister... I want you to know that I didn't mean to leave you ... I most definitely didn't want to leave you . When you're bigger mum can explain how I found life quite tough .. Tougher than most do. There were also other things that may... Continue reading
Posted May 15, 2014 at Dear Anya..
got to spend this week consulting policemen over getting an anti harassment order for my own mother.... I have known, all my life that she was not on my side... But recent events have shown this to be at a whole,other level. My psychiatrist tells me that if this isn't... Continue reading
Posted Feb 23, 2014 at Lead Into Gold...
if I was with you today I would hug you and throw you over my shoulder so much... I would marvel at how fast you are growing and laugh at your craziness... I would tell you that you are the most amazing person, because you are.. And if I could... Continue reading
Posted Jan 3, 2014 at Dear Anya..
this little girl makes me smile so much ..... even on the bluest days it is hard to stay sad when you have a little one around who gives the best cuddles and is just so excited about the world ! She's a superb cure for the blues :) We... Continue reading
Posted Dec 6, 2012 at Lead Into Gold...
So tonight has me thinking. November has been a tough month for my immediate family for several years... If the shit comes down, it tends to in November.... Yani - we lost Yani in November...I lost the last baby in late October, meaning November was about as bad as it... Continue reading
Posted Nov 26, 2012 at Lead Into Gold...
My beautiful, clever and kind daughter Ella-Mae ... dx aged 4 years old..Now a happy healthy teenager .. Purple VEO pump and fulltime CGM's keep her that way .. I thank god frequently for our NHS and fabulous consultants :) Continue reading
Posted Nov 26, 2012 at Lead Into Gold...
OK.. putting more feelings than usual out here... today is the anniversary of my 14th miscarriage .... Pregnancy number 17 was Anya ... so not utterly sad here tonight ..but feel the need to say something for all those out there still trying.......... Hope ... RIP our angel babies...xxxxxxx Continue reading
Posted Oct 12, 2012 at Lead Into Gold...