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Sarcasm isn't and option; it's a requirement.
Interests: Things and stuff
Recent Activity
Posted Dec 27, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
The Last Archimedean writes in with his feats of daring do in thwarting a racist crusty... ~~~~~~~~~ Made an early-morning trip to the store today to stock a few essentials, since I've now moved. The workers were all polite and helpful. However... While I'm standing in line waiting to pay, the RAMBO in front of me goes on a sudden rant when she sees another customer who appears to be Hispanic doing their shopping. She unloads on the poor cashier about how "spics" are ruining the country and that "wetbacks" shouldn't be allowed to shop in the store because it should be for "real Americans only." She has an overflowing cartful of items, so the cashier has to endure this verbal vomit for about 4 or 5 minutes. The cashier is being stoic and not saying a word, but she's clearly uncomfortable. I'm getting sick to my stomach listening to this garbage, but I don't want to make a big scene, because I just moved here and don't know who any of these people are. For all I know this racist jerk could be the mayor's wife. But everyone has their limits, and I've finally had enough. I use my sweetest voice. "Excuse me, miss, but I couldn't help hearing you. Did you say something about only real Americans should be allowed to shop here?" "Yes, I did." "I couldn't agree with you more, miss. What tribe are you from?" "Huh?" "I agree, only real Americans should be allowed to shop here. In fact, I think that only real Americans should be allowed to live in this country. Everyone else should have to go back where they came from. So, what tribe are you from? I can stick around, because one of my ancestors was an advisor to Chief Si'ahl."... Continue reading
Posted Oct 31, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Stay happy! All the time! Or face their wrath muddafukkaaaas! Continue reading
Posted Oct 1, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Via: Business Insider Even though Boston is under a strict lockdown during the manhunt for bombing suspect Dzhokhar Tsarnaev, Massachusetts-based Dunkin' Donuts remains open to serve first responders, BuzzFeedreports. A Newton store manager told BuzzFeed, "There was an automated message going around telling businesses to close, but because we're Dunkin' Donuts, we called the police department and they said we didn't have to." An official statement followed: "At the direction of authorities, select Dunkin' Donuts restaurants in the Boston area are open to take care of the needs of law enforcement and first responders." Customers have been Instagramming images of full stores. Ahmed Eldin posted a picture with the caption, "America still runs on Dunkin even during a lockdown. Dunkin Donuts at Prudential Center." The chain hasn't promoted that it is open on social media, but it has discussed how it will help. The Dunkin' Donuts Facebook page does have the message that it is donating $100,000 to The One Fund Boston, which will support family members of bombing victims. A post also states, " Boston-area franchisees have been and will continue to support emergency workers in the community, including sending trucks to serve coffee and hot chocolate." Grateful Massachussets natives have responded positively. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ It's really great that so many people are pulling together to get this tragedy rectified. Our hearts go out to the people of Boston, from all of us at RHU. And to those RHUers who are in the area, and who may have been affected personally; we send our comfort and well wishes. And I really hope they pay those brave coffee slingers double time for quite possibly risking their lives to keep the police caffeinated. Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground Continue reading
Posted Apr 12, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Well....that one on the right has a little green on it.... Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Saw this mug at Cracker Barrel (so you know where to get if if you wanna buy one) I'd say it's pretty spot on, eh? Continue reading
Posted Mar 6, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
I just saw this article on Catster. It's the persepective of customer service from cats. Silly and trite, I know, but on Monday we all need a little something silly. Continue reading
Posted Mar 4, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Retail: The Comic has provided a very accurate and useful term for us to use when referring to those custys who bug us off the clock or when we are on our way to go home/break/lunch. This is an awesome comic strip. If you don't follow it yet, I highly suggest you make it a part of your morning routine. It's so very spot on! Continue reading
Posted Feb 28, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Remember thatWorld's Most Expensive Drink? sucked. According to this article the drink was only given a sip and passed for "good" ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ What does the man whose name will sit in the record books alongside the world's most expensive cocktail do when his much-hyped $12,500 masterpiece finally arrives? The buyer, who wished to remain anonymous, last night took a few polite sips for the assembled media, and nibbled gingerly on the edible garnish it was served with. He appeared somewhat overwhelmed by the fuss that included his own roped-off section of Crown Melbourne's exclusive Bar 23 and a chair probably more accurately described as a throne. Pronouncing it to be "good", the buyer signed a cheque and an official statutory declaration, then disappeared into the night. The mega-expensive concoction was tasted and then wasted as its purchaser departed the scene of the world record attempt. Photo: Steve Colquhoun The majority of the most expensive cocktail ever poured was left undrunk, still nestled in its ridiculously splendid hand-made garnish. Advertisement This concoction has occupied the considerable skills of a highly trained barman and a team of chefs over two days, and contains two nips of an 1858-vintage cognac at $6000 a shot - along with Grand Marnier Quintessence, chartreuse Vieillissement Exceptionnellement Prolonge, and a dash of Angostura bitters. It has been hyped, coveted, obsessed over, and promoted in local and national media in the days leading up to the event. The Guinness Book of World Records has been notified, and official witnesses drafted - including the author of this story - to attest to the historic moment. The basis for the cocktail is a bottle of Croizet cognac dating to 1858. It is, itself, already a world-record holder, having previously been valued at $157,000. The bottle was purchased from Croizet... Continue reading
Posted Feb 10, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Ok, dude, seriously? I know there's a lot of empty spaces, but that still doesn't give you permission to park like an assbasket and take up three spaces. You are not that awesome. Continue reading
Posted Feb 4, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Liberty Tax Service is officially on my shit list this week. Here in Illinois, winter is finally being "normal" today. It's 17f with a wind chill of -2f and wind gusts of up to 25mph...and it's snowing. And in this lovely and balmy weather, as I drove through town on my way to do some errands, I saw that LTS had one of it's employees standing on the corner by their store in a Statue of Liberty costume. (Not the one in the picture) I know that we Illinois folks are moderatly tempered to handling cooler temperatures, but even that doesn't mean that we'd want to go prance around upon orders from our management. I wanted to stop and give the lady a hot cocoa or something, but she was gone by the time I drove past again. Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
I will say first off, that this post is not inherently retailcentric. Rather it's a conversational/comment encouraging post so we can all get to know each other a little better...without revealing any of our retail idenities. This is just for fun, I'd like to know more about all of you. I won't stalk you, I promise! So, without further ado... THE RHU READERS SURVEY! Whee! 1. What is your RHU alias? (I'm Spritzy...of course) 2. What type of store do you shop at the most? (I shop at craft stores a lot) 3. Name a store from which you would never-ever buy something again? (For me, it'd be Sears Home Appliance, they royally screwed us over) 4. If you could work for any other retail business, what would it be -a specific store or a general category? (I'd work at Hobby Lobby..I did in college and really liked's nice that they're closed on Sunday and close at 8pm, so you get a weekend day and nights off) 5. What business has the best employees you've met? (At my local Target there's this awesome lady from Frankfurt, Germany...she has a really thick accent and is so friendly and always remembers even semi-regulars) 6. What business has the worst employees you've met? ( I'd go with Sears Home Appliance once again...since they treated us so poorly) 7. If Wolverine, Gandalf, and Chuck Norris waged an epic battle, who would win? (I choose Discord...because ponies) 8. What's your favorite color/food/movie/song? (Olivine, chicken tenders, The Number 23, Bacon Pancakes) 9. What is the best month of the year and why? (I like April, cause it's nice and cool and the flowers are blooming and there's often a lot of sunshine...and Easter) 10. How many boards would the Mongols hoard if the Mongol horde... Continue reading
Posted Jan 30, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
The other day I found myself drifting into the murky past of my retail history. Upon that trip through Nightmare Boulevard, I happened to remember my encounter with...The Wreath Lady. *foreboding music* When I was in college and working weekends and school breaks at a craft store, I usually worked one of the departments...stocking, ordering, helping customers...but a few days I ran register as well. On one particularly nice afternoon, the kind where you'd almost be willing to roll around on gravel just to be let out and enjoy the cool, sweet air and the bright, warm sunshine, my fellow cashier "GG" (who had been working there since they opened) and I were wistfully gazing out the window between customers and waiting for our shifts to end. Suddenly the wind shifted. The sky reminded bright and the air remained cool...but the cheerful sweetness had left, leaving a sour uneasiness. Even the birds flitted away and cowered in hushed silence. Enter, The Wreath Lady, with a glaring expression and a superior air about her. "Oh crap!" whispered GG. "What?!" I hushed back. "That's the Wreath Lady!" "Oh, Lord. This isn't gonna be good, is it?" I had never encountered TWL but I had enough jadedness of retail to know that when I crusty gains nickname status, it's something to be noted. TWL strolled over to the floral dept with her cart, pointing her nose and eyeing everyone as though se were walking through a peasant village instead of a craft store. She went and loaded her cart to overfilling with grapevine wreaths and headed to my register. GG breathed a sigh of relief, I braced for impact. "Oh course it had to be my register...I'm so lucky" I thought with a twist in my stomach. TWL stood at my register, leering... Continue reading
Posted Jan 18, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Holy snack time, Batman! People really need to chill out about their junk food. From burglars leading the cops to their doorstep with a trail of Cheetos to schools banning the popular snacks, the outrage over these crunchy tidbits is getting out of control. We are all familiar with the ever so (unfortunately) common incidents of customers flipping their shit over a minor inconvenience in the fast food line. And now people are taking their grease-laden rage to the snack isle. ~~~ In Texas, a woman beat her sister to the point of unconsciousness when the girl was found munching the cheesy goodness. After the Oct. 11 incident, Deby Mejia, 23, reportedly told investigators thatshe resents her little sister for being born and never loved her, KHOU reported. Mejia's little sister reportedly brought a bag of Cheetos to their Houston apartment while Mejia was away. The woman allegedly came home to find her sister snacking and went ballistic. She's accused of whipping the little girl with an extension cord, then banging her head on the floor into unconsciousness, according to The Weekly Vice. The woman was charged with child abuse and put in jail. But investigators and neighbors said this wasn't the first time she'd hurt her sister. Mejia has looked after the the girl since their mother was deported to Honduras in 2006. A neighbor told KHOU that there was regular abuse, including a punishment that included Meija forcing her sister to kneel on a bag of rice while balancing a bucket of water on her head. A CPS worker told reporters that there is no record of Mejia or the abuse. Had CPS been informed of a minor caring for another minor, they would have looked into the case, according to KHOU. The victim is now in foster... Continue reading
Posted Jan 10, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
Oh no she didn't! The writer of this article thinks it's a cute idea to encourage parents to allow their kids to run rampant in stores. Going even further, she suggests intentionally going to a store for the sole purpose of having their kids raise hell and trash the store. My heart weeps for the retail slaves who have to bear the brunt of this lady's advice. The 5 BEST STORES FOR A PLAYDATE Sephora: If you’re feeling frumpy, this is a great place to meet up with other moms for a playdate. Buy your kid a cookie, put him in the stroller and head over to Sephora in the late afternoon. Make sure you get there before 5pm; you don’t want to compete with women who are picking up products on their way home from work. You’ll get to glam it up for free and paint your face with high end cosmetics that you can no longer afford now that you’re on a budget. You will also be able to style your hair with fancy products and try out pricey perfumes. Take the perfume spritzing papers for your kids and come up with a counting game. They can play with those while you’re tramping yourself out. Plan a hot date that night after your kid goes to bed. Macy’s: Grab a coffee and head to Macy’s. Hit the furniture department first. The kids will enjoy trying out different couches and chairs. Find an area that’s pretty closed in so they can’t get away from you. You can sit with the other parent and chat a bit while the kids play. They’ll enjoy pretending they have 50 different living rooms. When they get bored ride the elevator up and down a few times. Next stop should be the luggage department.... Continue reading
Posted Jan 4, 2013 at Retail Hell Underground
It seems that the fast food crazies are at it again. This time over an employee doing their job at checking a $50 for authenticity. What is frustrating is that the employee, who did nothing until the customers threatened and attacked him first, was held on $40,000 bail (though not indited), while the customers got off with community service...when none of this would have happened in the first place if the customers had kept their cool and let the guy do his job. I know the guy went overboard on his attempt of defending himself. But I find it a bit insulting that the first article focuses on his past criminal record and his actions after the customers hit him first then LEPT OVER THE TABLE AND CHASED HIM. Then the second article, it seems that they chose not to take the customers to trial was because the video shown above was too strong against them and any evidence in their favor was too circumstantial or unable to be found. (Wouldn't one think those would be *good* reasons to take defendant to trail?) Then the employee even shows his remorse and better nature by saying he doesn't wish jail time on the customers despite their wish to see him imprisoned. So, yet again, min-wage employees are verboten from defending themselves, are held under stricter scrutiny when they do, and the offending persons get a pity party for any repercussions they may receive. Yes Ma'am! May I have another Ma'am? Continue reading
Posted Dec 22, 2012 at Retail Hell Underground
I find it a bit unlikely that the employees would rather be selling people caffeinated beverages at 5:30 a.m. instead of getting a small chance at some rest. Continue reading
Posted Dec 14, 2012 at Retail Hell Underground
Howdy doody y'all! I have recently been initiated into the elite group of RHU Blog Post Experts! Whee! *Happy Dance* And so, for my first post, for practice and amusement purposes...a pic and a vid for all to enjoy. "The elusive Holiday Tiger stealthily stalks it's prey, hidden in it's natural habitat of striped festive socks." Foamy is so insightful, isn't he? Continue reading
Posted Dec 13, 2012 at Retail Hell Underground
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Dec 13, 2012