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Don't Count Your Eggs

California

the ridiculously funny, sad, and true stories of a woman going through infertility

Interests: infertility, yoga, wellness, mindfulness, food

Recent Activity

Every Month I'm Convinced I'm Pregnant

So what's that about, huh? Hi. It's been a while. A few months since I've posted. Six months since our last and final FET. And here I am. Trying to catch up on life and thoughts and feelings. Always playing catch up these days. While I feel a bit removed from being active in the IF world, I'm still in it in different ways. Thinking about ways to change the culture of shame that permeates the infertility landscape, working with clients in my private practice, and showing THE FILM in different places (next up PALO ALTO on Monday Sept. 24... Continue reading

Posted Sep 7, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Three Reasons to Come See One More Shot with The ART of Infertilty in LA this Saturday, June 9th

GREETINGS! It's been quiet over here. I've been quiet over here. Just living. Working. Parenting. Momo is three. F-ing three. I can't believe it. I wanted to touch in today to invite anyone in the LA area to a screening, panel discussion, and art exhibit on Saturday, June 9th at Venice Arts in Marina Del Rey. Here are three reasons why I think you should come: 1) Because after 90 minutes of watching me get vag exams and crying my face off, Noah and I are going to host an awesome panel. We've invited five incredible people who have built... Continue reading

Posted Jun 6, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Hi Kayla-- Sorry to hear about all your frustrations, and I wish I had some answers. My issue wasn't my lining as much as my ovaries would just do the weirdest things. On Lupron I produced more follicles than I did on Menopur. It's like everything was opposite. I stumped my doctor. He was like-- this rarely happens...which somehow all of us hear right? I wish there was something more clear for you but hopefully, eventually you'll be able to move forward and I'm crossing my fingers for an awesome outcome! M

Commented Jun 6, 2018 on FET Scheduled!...I think... at Don't Count Your Eggs

The End of Shame and Stigma #NIAW #flipthescript

Greetings! So it's National Infertility Awareness Week. I know I've been radio silent for the last month and it's for no real reason other than I've been busy and distracted and felt like after this last attempt at baby #2 I haven't had much to say. It's only been a month but it feels like so long ago and I do feel like I've processed things and am totally fine with the outcome. I don't feel incomplete. I don't feel angry. I don't feel sad. I don't know why or how, it's just where I'm at and I'm grateful for... Continue reading

Posted Apr 25, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Thank you all for your thoughtful comments and your support. I'm feeling good and embracing both what is in the present and what might be unknown in the future. Without being attached to anything. It's kind of freeing to practice this new way of being. I appreciate all the love and the ability of this community to get me. Sending love right back at everyone. M

Commented Mar 26, 2018 on Taking down the baby gates at Don't Count Your Eggs

Taking down the baby gates

Today is Momo's third birthday. As I was getting supplies out to bake muffins for her birthday celebration at preschool, I watched Noah attempt to put socks on her while she attempted to do a backflip. I smiled as he said his infamous and extremely ineffective mantra, "I need you to listen, please." This past week has been a transition week for us. We are transitioning from being hopeful and excited about the embryo transfer of her full genetic potential sibling, to being happy and satisfied with Momo being an only child. We are doing a good job with it,... Continue reading

Posted Mar 20, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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The End of the Line

It's with a very heavy heart that I write this but it looks like my journey is officially over. Beta went down to 8. And I knew it yesterday. I tested my pee and saw just one line and felt the light go out. And immediately I felt like I had failed. That I failed Momo in bringing her sibling to life. That I failed my family in some way. That I failed the doctor in Seattle who is literally the nicest person on earth. That I failed Noah, again. And I knew that I just needed to go through... Continue reading

Posted Mar 14, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Thank you all so much for the love and support. I kind of have to laugh...what are the odds of nearly the EXACTLY same craptastic beta? But....23 made gold and that's my mantra until Weds.

Commented Mar 13, 2018 on The fairies choose hope... at Don't Count Your Eggs

The fairies choose hope...

Soooo.... This: I'll start with the good news. There was HCG in my blood. Base hit. But once again, not a lot. My beta was 24. This has me in a a bit of a mental predicament because on the one hand, I know that number is low and the beloved term "a little bit pregnant" once again rings loudly in my ears. On the other hand, Momo's first beta was 23. I was distraught beta testing for over a week and had a very challenging pregnancy but we made it and she is perfect and strong and healthy. It... Continue reading

Posted Mar 12, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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One way or another...

Noah cut this video of the transfer and posted it on the One More Shot page, but I thought I'd share it here as well: It kind of made me teary watching--might have been the music he chose or the hormones I'm on, but I also think there's two parts anxiety about tomorrow's beta test and three parts nostalgia for what tomorrow means. Whatever happens it is, in a way, the culmination of 8 very long and complicated years of our lives. It could be the beginning of a journey to the child that will complete our family of four,... Continue reading

Posted Mar 11, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Thanks so much for the love ladies. Tanya-- my heart goes out to you. Wishing you so much luck in April. Good luck Jessica! Thanks for following. Hope the appointment goes well. Jen....I wish I could do the 2ww at your house, it sounds delicious. ;)

Commented Mar 12, 2018 on Five things I forgot about the 2WW at Don't Count Your Eggs

Five things I forgot about the 2WW

So it's been a week since transfer and I have to say, this time around, time has gone fast. I guess it's really only a ten day wait, which isn't too bad. I've been busy, which is helpful, but then I have these moments where I remember how crazy making the two-week wait really is. It's been about four years since I've been here, and I've noticed a few things I forgot about this glorious moment in time: 1) I forgot how ineffective it is to repeatedly ask my husband if he thinks it worked. Yet I do it anyway.... Continue reading

Posted Mar 9, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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THANK YOU SO MUCH EVERYONE!! I'll answer what I can here: -- Hi Dee-- progesterone shots are just the clinics protocol. And estrogen shots. My booty looks...and feels...ridiculously itchy and lumpy already but it worked for Momo so I'll gladly do it again. --FIngers crossed for you too Lianne!!! --Pamela...Yessssss. Thank you so much Heather and Jen and everyone. M

Commented Mar 7, 2018 on Embryo In! Now we wait.... at Don't Count Your Eggs

Thanks for all the well wishes everyone!! I'll try to answer the questions here: -- Yes the movie is called One More Shot and it's on Netflix, here's a link, I think https://www.netflix.com/search?q=one%20more%20shot -- The third embryo was used by the donating couple. Three embryos were created when an infertile couple used an egg donor to build their family. They used one embryo and boy was born to them. They donated the other two. One is Momo, the other is currently in my belly noshing on cheese puffs, almond cookies, and an orange. I hope he/she doesn't have second thoughts. --Pamela, F YEAH sister. It's been a long ride. Thank you for updating me/us. Wishing you all the luck and love in the world. THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK YOU EVERYONE!

Commented Mar 7, 2018 on The Last Shot: Going back for baby #2 at Don't Count Your Eggs

Embryo In! Now we wait....

Please welcome the newest addition to the family: Cute, right? Transfer went well. A 2:30pm transfer kind of leaves you the day to feel slightly on edge but I have to say this time around Noah and I were kind of...chill, dare I admit. The whole process was fairly easy and I love that the embryologist came into the room to chat about her process, and that we were able to watch the pulsing little embryo in the dish get sucked into the catheter. This one looks different than Momo did at that stage. Momo was literally bursting out of... Continue reading

Posted Mar 3, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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The Last Shot: Going back for baby #2

About two weeks ago I got a special package in the mail: We started meds...we? Me. Me stared meds. He shoots me. It feels much less intense this time around because we are distracted and trying to do a fast progesterone shot while Momo eats a bowl of cereal, so we've lost a lot of the ritual and drama. Maybe that's a good thing. It's been about four years now since I did all of this. The calendar. The monitoring appointments. The drive to the clinic out here and dripping sweaty armpits when I park the car-- it's amazing how... Continue reading

Posted Feb 27, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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THANK YOU SOOOO MUCH to everyone that watched and connected to this film. We are so grateful to this community and so happy to be able to shed some light about the dark world of infertility. M&N

Commented Feb 27, 2018 on ONE MORE SHOT on NETFLIX!! at Don't Count Your Eggs

ONE MORE SHOT on NETFLIX!!

I know. It's like, enough already. But we just have to share that our film is now on Netflix! Netflix is a big win for our lil' film because it means it is accessible to a lot of people. And we hope it can connect to a lot of people whether living on IF Island or not. It's crazy to think about how LONG things take-- making a movie AND making a baby. But I guess some things are worth the wait. I started this blog in April 2013, so I'm coming up on 5 years here. That too is... Continue reading

Posted Jan 15, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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HAPPY NEW YEAR! Let's leave all the baggage behind

Today is an obvious day for reflection and goal setting, but it's also an opportunity to think about the way we think about ourselves, take care of ourselves, love ourselves. I've never been big on resolutions because...well... I can usually hold strong for about two weeks and then I just end up feeling badly. So I'm forgetting the resolutions and instead trying to focus on things within my power, mainly how I think about things and how I react to things. Especially the unexpected. One part of this process involves a bit of self-reflection and a desire or commitment to... Continue reading

Posted Jan 1, 2018 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Thank you guy so much for sharing! Karen-- yeah, exactly. I have come across several people with the same story. I almost was that same story when I got P naturally in the beginning of the year and never once did I feel that potential baby was more mine. Momo was all I really thought about. Pamela! Glad to hear from you and yay you're coming along! But also, an OB said that??!!! Noah and I are determined to use the film as an educational tool and sounds like we need to start right there! I still get asked about the "mother or father" or "Real mother or father"... duh. I just correct (and sigh). JoJo!!! HIIII!!! I don't think I ever congratulated you on the baby! But how amazing and exciting and I'm so glad the lil one is finally here and that you're in love. Thinking of everyone! M

Commented Dec 15, 2017 on Don't You Want to Have Your Own Child? at Don't Count Your Eggs

Don't You Want to Have Your Own Child?

I hear this term a lot, your "own," child, and while I know what people mean when they say it, I wanted to spend a little time here...clarifying a few things. Maybe I should start with the disclaimer that people don't say this to me. Not now at least. I have been asked, before Momo was a person, if I was sad that I wasn't having my "own" child, and the question just confused me. If this is not my child whose child is it? In my head/heart/body/spirit I was P with my baby. We were meant to find each... Continue reading

Posted Dec 14, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Chasing someone else's happy ending

Happy Friday-- it's Friday right? I want to quickly share a piece I wrote for PopSugar that published yesterday about why we filmed our infertility journey for a documentary. The fact that I can write about infertility in the mommy-sphere just blows my mind. Never thought I'd see the day. Anyway... This time of year seems to fly by. I live in Los Angeles and it's been such a strange week. Parts of the city are up in flames and the sky is a smokey eerie orange-gray. It's also December and I'm still wearing flip flops. What's the deal? So... Continue reading

Posted Dec 8, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Going with The Flow

I want to start with a big fat THANK YOU to everyone who has watched the film and to everyone who has sent us notes about it. It really touches us when we hear your stories and we hope that the film can be a solid support. Or at least a space where anyone on IF Island can come to relate and maybe for a laughs at how INSANE assisted baby-making can be. We also want to send a HUGE thank you to Elizabeth Walker and the Art of Infertility exhibit that has been displaying incredible pieces of artwork done... Continue reading

Posted Nov 17, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Popcorn, Tears and Hope: One More Shot, a film about making modern families

Sooooo... Our documentary, One More Shot, comes out tomorrow on iTunes, Amazon, and Vimeo for those not in the US. Noah and I are really happy that it's leaving our computers and entering the world, but I have these moments where I feel like who F cares. We barely wanted to live our lives for the years we were going through all this, so who would want to watch it? That's my self-conscious side talking. The honest truth is when we were going through the dark infertility years, we would have definitely wanted to watch something like this. Real people... Continue reading

Posted Nov 3, 2017 at Don't Count Your Eggs

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Thanks to everyone for all the love and support about the film! I'm excited for everyone to see if but also kinda nervous! Noah set up a way for people in other countries to download it on Vimeo: https://vimeo.com/ondemand/onemoreshot hopefully that link works and I'll post it more formally on Nov. 4th when the film is available! Sending lots of love. M

Commented Nov 2, 2017 on Our film @onemoreshotdoc is FINALLY born! at Don't Count Your Eggs

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