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The Fenn Voice
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Two good, thoughtful and meaty analysis paragraphs! Your explore the physical and emotional scars of war in an erudite and thorough way.
Toggle Commented May 17, 2022 on Final "All Quiet Analysis." at 2023 Hershenow
Two beautiful and eloquent paragraphs that capture the sacrifice and atrocities of war as portrayed in this book. Clear, concise and memorable--nice work.
Toggle Commented May 17, 2022 on Final All Quiet Analysis at 2023 Garber
These are good, though there is not a clear one/two punch in the first paragraph--and try to avoid phrases such as "as the book goes on..." Always be as specific as possible in an analysis
Beautiful and insightful pieces. Good attention to detail and excellent focus on sacrifice and camaraderie!
Nicely done with clear, concise analysis. be sure to format your block quote correctly.
Cool sci-fi story! Nicely done. Do a bit of punctuation and add some commas where they should be--and single space between paragraphs. Otherwise, an awesome job.
Toggle Commented May 2, 2022 on The Rocks at 2023 Xing
Worth the wait. A beautiful, thoughtful and moving letter/reflection. You really are a great writer!
Toggle Commented May 2, 2022 on Terry: Letter at 2023 Terry
Great story--relatable and with a fine ironic twist at the end!
Toggle Commented May 2, 2022 on Dialogue story at 2023 Mara
GREAT job on this! My only suggestion is to format it without doubles spaces between paragraphs.
Toggle Commented May 2, 2022 on Letter to Tommy at 2023 Doherty
Amazing. Really!
Ah, well done. A fine, dystopian drama with nuance, suspense and a subtle ongoing conflict. It begs for you guys to write another chapter.
Toggle Commented May 2, 2022 on Dialogue Story at 2023 Burgess
I still like hanging around with my old football classmates from the 1970s and telling stories about the different games and the different plays that made the big difference. This is a good and lively story with plenty of details and imagery to capture the attention of your readers.
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Narrative Story at 2022 Amir Shalabi
What a great essay, and it plays right into my common chores make for uncommonly good writing pieces. This is well crafted, fun to read and develops a powerful thing. Your conclusion is perfect and captures the essence of these wise words.
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Washing The Dishes at 2022 Luke Waldeck
This is an awesome response to the prompt and a great story. When I was young, we had a cabin on a lake in NH. I spent my days sailing as recklessly as you, but my mother hated that approach :) Nice work here!
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Sailing at 2022 Thomas Livens
Ah, I love this. It teaches as it tells a good story of an experience gone bad, but most importantly it captures the rapturous power of taking risks and learning from them.
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on The Slide at 2022 Thomas Livens
This essay is a living tribute to the power of memory and experience. It brought me back to my days as a wayward daredevil jumping off bridges and cliffs in the white mountains. It could use a bit of work proofing and formatting, but it is still a great story well told!
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Narrative Story at 2022 Aiden LaCamera
Awesome narrative in every way--and you pull out alll the stops using vivid imagery, dialogue and reflection. You made a scary experience scary and real for your lucky readers. Excellent job!
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Narrative Story at 2022 Justin Graf
You really hit the nail on the head with this thoughtful and well-crafted essay. Your thesis is articulate: " I truly believe that if these kids in public schools had the same resources as the kids that go to private schools, they would grow up to be just as successful if not more successful than them." Your words are wise and your passion is real. Excellent essay!
Toggle Commented Apr 27, 2022 on Fairness at 2022 DJ Winston-Johnson
This is a beautiful, compelling and meaty essay that rises to a true heroes journey. It was insightful for me to read about your experience and to realize how much you need to do outside of class as well as in class. It is a testament to perseverance and your willingness to accept the challenges of your life. Excellent essay.
Toggle Commented Apr 26, 2022 on An Odyssey of Applications at 2022 JP Ward
This is a great essay about a heroic journey to tackle and learn a new trade and set of skills. It does so with plenty of essential details and great descriptions of how you learned and bettered yourself. Just remember to put song titles within quotations, but that is a small detail in an otherwise great essay
Toggle Commented Apr 26, 2022 on Lyle Waldeck: My Heroic Cycle at 2022 Lyle Waldeck
I would not call myself conservative, but I certainly appreciate the need for a diversity of opinions to get at the kernel of truth a persons mindset. You do this well here and you create a heroes journey. You sense the challenge and you embrace the possibilities of having your voice be heard and that in the self is worth experiencing. I would make your last sentence be your conclusion. Otherwise it just feels like a part of a final body paragraph.
Toggle Commented Apr 26, 2022 on My Heroic Story at 2022 Will O'Brien
I really love this. In fact, I think it is one of your best writing pieces. I am so happy to see you finding your voice in compelling ways. This is a great take on the heroic cycle, and it works in every way. I especially love this line: "Always bet on yourself to do something you know you can do and don’t give up until you complete your challenge." Nicely done.
Toggle Commented Apr 26, 2022 on My Heroic Cycle at 2022 Brendan McCullen
As you probably know, I love stories about people engaged and simple activities charged by reflective thoughts straight and wisdom. This does an excellent job of creating a heroic cycle based on something as simple as shoveling snow. My only suggestion is to break the last paragraph into several short paragraphs and end of the brief and compelling conclusion.
You go all out here and use a variety of writing techniques to make your story of crew into a powerful metaphor for accepting challenge and persevering until the end. A true hero story.