"Thank you for calling, this is Tenebris. Can I start by getting your first and last name please?" "I just have a quick question" "Thank you Ijust, and can I get the best number to reach you at?" *After a fix that involves clicking a button* "OMG, I feel so stupid! I'm so sorry to bother you!" "Trust me, it's not a bother. It's what I'm here for, and it's an obscure setting that windows, in it's infinite wisdom, sometimes toggles for no discernible reason. The only reason I know it is because I went to school, and I have 20 years experience. You're not stupid, the first time I saw that, it took me 20 minutes of digging to figure out what happened and fix it"

Wait, are we talking Wolverine before or after Magneto pulls the adamantium from his body? Because if it's before, Wolverine, he'll just keep coming and those claws would slice right through Prime's body. If after, I'd have to say Prime, because wolverine just wouldn't be able to do enough damage with his bone claws

Ugh. I remember this story from when it was first posted. Just as disgusted and horrified now as I was then.

LOL. When I was at Universe support, I had a coworker who was really good at doing voices. On his last day, he took every call in a voice: I heard him do Elmer Fudd, Eric Cartman, and Donald Duck before they came and walked him out. His, and everyone's verdict was "Worth It" Had another Cow irker at the Overpriced Fruit company who would hang up on callers and log it as a dropped call to help his handle time. He was the same one who would Aux jump to avoid taking calls. He didn't last long

Exactly, LB. This is one reason why if I ever run a business, my return policy will be "No." With a big sign behind the register and printed on the back of every receipt. Customers don't read, but my employees can point to the sign: Returns? No, all sales are final. Yes, really. Yes, that means you. No you will not get a refund even though you're the owner's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. No, screaming at the cashier won't get you a refund, but it WILL get you an armed escort out of my store, and a No Trespassing order on file with the local PD I would SO go out of business if I owned a store

I had to google those, but yeah, those're the ones. Sooooo good. I can go through a box in one sitting if I'm not careful

Yeah, the peanut butter ones, and those caramel ones with the coconut are my favorites

Heh. Reminds me of my first time going to a bar out here. I had recently moved out here from Vegas, and decided to hit the bar. It was already fairly late, around 11:30 or so, So I go to the bar, and I'm drinking, time passes, having a good time, the usual. Do some karaoke, whatever. Around abouts 1:30 or so, I hear these words I've never heard before: "Closing Time, Last Call!" Now, had I been sober, I could've processed that no problem, but being slightly intoxicated, if not completely hammered, the conversation went something like this ME: "Closing time? But thish ish a bar." Bartender lookin at me like I'm an idiot: "Yeah buddy, we close at 2" Me: "But thish ish a bar. And you're closhing?" Bartender: "Yeah. We close at 2" Me: "Ish there another bar?" Bartender: "They all close at 2, man" Me: *Confusedly calls a cab and makes my way back home* I had a similar experience trying to buy beer after 2 am at the gas station, but I was only slightly buzzed that time, so it was easier to process. Turns out, there's no alcohol sales of any kind after 2 am.

Ugh! We have GOT to stop training these assholes to be abusive, entitled pricks. I Swear, it works like this Thinking: *If I abuse the workers and yell, I get free stuff and discounts* *Customer grins like the Grinch*

An old one, but always funny. "FREEZE! HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW, HOW MANY BOXES ARE YOU BUYING!"

Indeed. The second you start yelling and screaming, or getting overly defensive, I get suspicious. A reaction like "Really? Huh. Would you look at that?" Will get you a slight benefit of the doubt. I mean, I'm still not doing it, because I'm not an idiot, but if you act surprised instead of angry and defensive, I'll think "OK, there's a small chance this guy doesn't know what's going on"

Tech Support and IT suffers from similar. Women frequently hear some variant of "No, honey/sweetheart/condescending term of their choice, I'm not trying to get a receptionist/secretary/operator/sexist job of your choice, I need to talk to a tech. Can you transfer me to the tech department? Bonus points if they argue or refuse to talk to a woman. My all time favorite was back around 2000, 2001, something like that: Me: Thank you for calling, this is Tenebris, How can I help you? Him: "Oh thank God! I finally got a guy on the phone, this is my 5th call! listen, you gotta help me!" Me: "Certainly, sir! I'll do my best, and just for future reference, our female techs have the same training, and are just as qualified to troublshoot and help you" Him: "I know, it's not that, it's just, I was looking at these naked women online, and now I'm getting all these windows popping up and my computer isn't working right" Turns out, he had been calling in and hanging up as soon as he heard a female voice on the other end. It took him 5 times, with a queue time of around 30 minutes each time, to get through to a guy, because he was too embarrassed to tell a girl that he had screwed up his computer looking at free porn

IDK, some of these seem like legit complaints to me. I wouldn't be crazy about eating nose pizza (Number 11). Sometimes, the complaints are legit, and it doesn't sound like he's seeking compensation for the murder, merely pointing out that it possibly wouldn't have happened had alcohol policy been adhered to, IE "You're wasted, so we can't serve you" like they're supposed to in the states

Soylent Pizza

Ugh! I'm sorry you went through that, Jofur. People are disgusting sometimes. I don't know how you managed to keep from beating the hell out of people, either. If I had to go through that when my mom died, IDK what I would've done

I had to read that a couple of times before I got it, LOL

2 types of old people: Super sweet, wouldn't say boo to a goose, and still alive because the last time Death came to collect their soul, she made him tea and homemade cookies, so now he's too embarrassed to pick her up, And: Evil bitch still alive because Satan himself said "Hell No" and she wound up beating Death with her cane when he came for her anyway. There is no in between

Cartie Eye Joe: He knows not from where he came, nor where he goes

I'm with TT on the subject of returns. If I ever own a business, my return policy will be "NO!" and if you're rude or demanding, I might change my policy just for you to "HELL NO, NOW GTFO OF MY STORE"

I'd buy some, PaganDuck. They sound very Nightmare before Christmas-y

Sounds about right, Burly. I can't for the life of me figure out why people like this aren't required to pay for the damage they cause. At the very least, it would make them think twice before being a dumbass

Agreed, Misty! I've got to be pretty desperate to even USE the restrooms in Wal-Mart. I've never seen a clean one in my entire life. People are gross

Yeah, that groom really dodged a bullet there. Thanks, AirBNB!

Heh. My credit's been in the crapper since the recession and all my medical issues hit, so if it's quick, I'm usually like "Yeah, why not?" because I know my application will be rejected. IDK if a rejected application helps the cashiers, but I know they've got a quota, and I don't mind taking 2 minutes to apply for a card I know I won't get

I'm normally against giving in to the customer, but in this case, I think I'll make an exception