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TenebrisVenator
Living in my own world, to my own degree
Reality is a subjective experience
Recent Activity
"Thank you for calling, this is Tenebris. Can I start by getting your first and last name please?"
"I just have a quick question"
"Thank you Ijust, and can I get the best number to reach you at?"
*After a fix that involves clicking a button*
"OMG, I feel so stupid! I'm so sorry to bother you!"
"Trust me, it's not a bother. It's what I'm here for, and it's an obscure setting that windows, in it's infinite wisdom, sometimes toggles for no discernible reason. The only reason I know it is because I went to school, and I have 20 years experience. You're not stupid, the first time I saw that, it took me 20 minutes of digging to figure out what happened and fix it"
Phrases to Avoid when Calling a Call Center
From Hellraiser, March, 2012: Hellraiser here with some thoughts from call center hell. I think I mentioned that I work in insurance, and lately I've been noticing some key phrases that trigger an almost Pavlovian response from me. So, without further ado, I give you some phrases to avoid t...
Wait, are we talking Wolverine before or after Magneto pulls the adamantium from his body? Because if it's before, Wolverine, he'll just keep coming and those claws would slice right through Prime's body. If after, I'd have to say Prime, because wolverine just wouldn't be able to do enough damage with his bone claws
Tip Jar Tuesday: Prime or Wolverine?
From Kris, June, 2013
Ugh. I remember this story from when it was first posted. Just as disgusted and horrified now as I was then.
Retail Hell Memories: Bad Parents - Encounter with Momzilla
This story was originally posted on May 25, 2010 From Management Bitch Slave I read a story today discussing horrible things we slaves have witnessed asshole parents do to their kids. I can't believe I forgot about this....had I not been on the clock, I just might have powerbombed the bitch...
LOL. When I was at Universe support, I had a coworker who was really good at doing voices. On his last day, he took every call in a voice: I heard him do Elmer Fudd, Eric Cartman, and Donald Duck before they came and walked him out. His, and everyone's verdict was "Worth It"
Had another Cow irker at the Overpriced Fruit company who would hang up on callers and log it as a dropped call to help his handle time. He was the same one who would Aux jump to avoid taking calls. He didn't last long
Retail Hell Memories: HR Hell - Bone Cancer Is No Excuse!
This story was originally posted on October 05, 2011 Hello all in Retail Hell, NoFucksGiven again. I was reading this post by Laughing Barista and it made me remember of something shitty that the Witch from Dicks did. Before I go into to it I should say that when I was a kid I had bone canc...
Exactly, LB. This is one reason why if I ever run a business, my return policy will be "No." With a big sign behind the register and printed on the back of every receipt. Customers don't read, but my employees can point to the sign:
Returns? No, all sales are final. Yes, really. Yes, that means you. No you will not get a refund even though you're the owner's father's brother's nephew's cousin's former roommate. No, screaming at the cashier won't get you a refund, but it WILL get you an armed escort out of my store, and a No Trespassing order on file with the local PD
I would SO go out of business if I owned a store
Retail Hell Memories: Return Hell - The Thirty Minute Tantrum
This story was originally posted on August 29, 2010 From Liŋuist: So today I had a lovely time with a wonderfully understanding and gracious customer. Heh. I wish. So I've worked at my job at a major one-stop-shop retailer for about six months now. I recently got a promotion to Front End Su...
I had to google those, but yeah, those're the ones. Sooooo good. I can go through a box in one sitting if I'm not careful
Signage Slip-Ups: Is Business Really That Bad For Girl Scouts?
Yeah, the peanut butter ones, and those caramel ones with the coconut are my favorites
Signage Slip-Ups: Is Business Really That Bad For Girl Scouts?
Heh. Reminds me of my first time going to a bar out here. I had recently moved out here from Vegas, and decided to hit the bar. It was already fairly late, around 11:30 or so, So I go to the bar, and I'm drinking, time passes, having a good time, the usual. Do some karaoke, whatever. Around abouts 1:30 or so, I hear these words I've never heard before: "Closing Time, Last Call!" Now, had I been sober, I could've processed that no problem, but being slightly intoxicated, if not completely hammered, the conversation went something like this
ME: "Closing time? But thish ish a bar."
Bartender lookin at me like I'm an idiot: "Yeah buddy, we close at 2"
Me: "But thish ish a bar. And you're closhing?"
Bartender: "Yeah. We close at 2"
Me: "Ish there another bar?"
Bartender: "They all close at 2, man"
Me: *Confusedly calls a cab and makes my way back home*
I had a similar experience trying to buy beer after 2 am at the gas station, but I was only slightly buzzed that time, so it was easier to process. Turns out, there's no alcohol sales of any kind after 2 am.
Dumbass Customers Double Header: Gin and Beer
From Doug, January 2010: Used to work in a drugstore... one day customer comes in looking for booze. We have this charming conversation: Custy: Let me have a quart of [brand of gin that we don't carry]. Me: I'm sorry, sir, we don't carry [that brand]. Custy: OK, let me have a fifth of [same...
Ugh!
We have GOT to stop training these assholes to be abusive, entitled pricks.
I Swear, it works like this
Thinking: *If I abuse the workers and yell, I get free stuff and discounts* *Customer grins like the Grinch*
Fast Food Hell Crazy Customers: Cherry Coke Lady and Oreo Shake Guy
From Fast Food Survivor: So I used to work at a popular drive-in that shares the name of a blue Sega hedgehog. The regular (or shall I say, irregular) custys at this place should have been in psych wards. The first one I met was known as the Cherry Coke Lady. Every day - yes, EVERY day - s...
An old one, but always funny.
"FREEZE! HANDS IN THE AIR! NOW, HOW MANY BOXES ARE YOU BUYING!"
Signage Slip-Ups: Is Business Really That Bad For Girl Scouts?
Indeed. The second you start yelling and screaming, or getting overly defensive, I get suspicious. A reaction like "Really? Huh. Would you look at that?" Will get you a slight benefit of the doubt. I mean, I'm still not doing it, because I'm not an idiot, but if you act surprised instead of angry and defensive, I'll think "OK, there's a small chance this guy doesn't know what's going on"
Retail Balls Awards: Game Store Nasty Ass Thief Gets Owned
From Marcus November, 2009: I worked at a fairly well known video game retail chain, but our location was less than great. We constantly had to deal with people trying their best to work one over on us. This man came in one day when I was the manager closing. Customer: "I'd like to return th...
Tech Support and IT suffers from similar. Women frequently hear some variant of "No, honey/sweetheart/condescending term of their choice, I'm not trying to get a receptionist/secretary/operator/sexist job of your choice, I need to talk to a tech. Can you transfer me to the tech department? Bonus points if they argue or refuse to talk to a woman.
My all time favorite was back around 2000, 2001, something like that:
Me: Thank you for calling, this is Tenebris, How can I help you?
Him: "Oh thank God! I finally got a guy on the phone, this is my 5th call! listen, you gotta help me!"
Me: "Certainly, sir! I'll do my best, and just for future reference, our female techs have the same training, and are just as qualified to troublshoot and help you"
Him: "I know, it's not that, it's just, I was looking at these naked women online, and now I'm getting all these windows popping up and my computer isn't working right"
Turns out, he had been calling in and hanging up as soon as he heard a female voice on the other end. It took him 5 times, with a queue time of around 30 minutes each time, to get through to a guy, because he was too embarrassed to tell a girl that he had screwed up his computer looking at free porn
Top Phrases Sexist Assholes Say to a Woman Working at a Home Improvement Store
From Depot Demon, March 2009: I get all kinds of custys at a certain home improvement store who loves the color orange, including the most sexist assholes you can think of. I work in Lumber and Building materials, which involves lifting some heavy shit. If I can't lift it, I can't work in th...
IDK, some of these seem like legit complaints to me. I wouldn't be crazy about eating nose pizza (Number 11). Sometimes, the complaints are legit, and it doesn't sound like he's seeking compensation for the murder, merely pointing out that it possibly wouldn't have happened had alcohol policy been adhered to, IE "You're wasted, so we can't serve you" like they're supposed to in the states
The Entitlement Complex: Someone Was Murdered And I Wasn't Compensated Enough For My Troubles!
--Entitlement is still a Disease
Soylent Pizza
Fun-To-Mental: More Than Pizza
From u/Dre4mW1ngs
Ugh! I'm sorry you went through that, Jofur. People are disgusting sometimes. I don't know how you managed to keep from beating the hell out of people, either. If I had to go through that when my mom died, IDK what I would've done
Mistaken Identity: Canoe Edition
(Click the image to make larger)
I had to read that a couple of times before I got it, LOL
Sonic Signage For Chicken Strips
From u/MrLadyLuck
2 types of old people: Super sweet, wouldn't say boo to a goose, and still alive because the last time Death came to collect their soul, she made him tea and homemade cookies, so now he's too embarrassed to pick her up,
And: Evil bitch still alive because Satan himself said "Hell No" and she wound up beating Death with her cane when he came for her anyway. There is no in between
Retail Hell Memories: Bingo Hell - Crusty Critical Of Calling Style
This story was originally posted on July 05, 2011 Cindii here! Long time since I've been on here but what happened on Saturday just HAD to be submitted! Right, since my last post I found work in a bingo hall. It's pretty cool working there, my co-workers are awesome and if I want to learn any...
Cartie Eye Joe: He knows not from where he came, nor where he goes
Adventures with Cartie: Who Am I? Where did I come from?
Cartie with amnesia, lost with no name or memory of life... ...or maybe he's an extraterrestrial cartie and transformation is imminent?
I'm with TT on the subject of returns. If I ever own a business, my return policy will be "NO!" and if you're rude or demanding, I might change my policy just for you to "HELL NO, NOW GTFO OF MY STORE"
Home Improvement Hell: The Idiot Customer Parade
From an RHUer, April 2009: Swear to God, I don't know what gives customers their entitlement complexes, or their idiocy. Maybe they weren't loved enough when they were little. Maybe their mommies were retail slaves and were never home, thus driving them to take out their rage on the slaves o...
I'd buy some, PaganDuck. They sound very Nightmare before Christmas-y
HalloThanksmas: Customer Goes To Buy Halloween Decorations at Walmart and They have been Replaced
From u/JiveMonkey I went to the store to go buy some Halloween decorations . They’ve already replaced it with Christmas stuff! u/KingWooz (October 6) Thanks Costco, Xmas ~4wks before Halloween was just what I was looking for... u/Max-Renegade It's not even fricken Halloween yet... ...
Sounds about right, Burly. I can't for the life of me figure out why people like this aren't required to pay for the damage they cause. At the very least, it would make them think twice before being a dumbass
Dumbass Customers: "I Am Not Stupid!"
From u/UniqueUsername_Nope, TalesFromRetail It was late one evening about 30 minutes before the store closed. We were completely dead, not one customer in the store and the 3 of us that were on duty were chatting at the register at the front of the store when a son and father enter and approa...
Agreed, Misty! I've got to be pretty desperate to even USE the restrooms in Wal-Mart. I've never seen a clean one in my entire life. People are gross
Mistaken Identity: "You're out of toilet paper!"
From Sam, November 2009 (One of RHU's earliest posts about Mistaken Identity): I recently left my retail job for a much better job--as a bank teller! Little did you know, your bank teller is no better off than you, dear retail slave. OK, of the 9 rings of hell, my bank job puts me on one of...
Yeah, that groom really dodged a bullet there. Thanks, AirBNB!
Amusing Customer Reviews: a 5 Star Review From An AirBnb
From u/tommyhreddit: Someone wrote a five star review on my friend’s AirBnB guestbook.
Heh. My credit's been in the crapper since the recession and all my medical issues hit, so if it's quick, I'm usually like "Yeah, why not?" because I know my application will be rejected. IDK if a rejected application helps the cashiers, but I know they've got a quota, and I don't mind taking 2 minutes to apply for a card I know I won't get
RHU Tales From The Custy Side: Not Their Proudest Moment At Bullseye
From RHUer I'm not sure if I sinned or not in the past, RHU. I'll leave the verdict in your hands. I was in a Bullseye, and the one thing they tended to be really rabid about is pushing their 22% interest store credit card. I don't want it. I don't need it. And it's 2008 when every-fucking-bo...
I'm normally against giving in to the customer, but in this case, I think I'll make an exception
Retail Balls Awards: The High Price of Being a Jerk
From Billy, August, 2008. A tale of how he got revenge with a lazy Demanding Diva Customer: "I work in a pretty gigantic grocery store. This particular chain of grocery stores is well renowned and respected and I'm at one of the largest stores in the WNY division. I'm pretty sure our store ...
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