Making Korean food by myself. No recipes. Just memories. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Chapter 1: Bulgalbi When I was a junior in college, I moved into an apartment with an amazing kitchen that inspired me to cook. A craving for kimchi chigae came Mmm. This stuff. and my roommates enthusiastically agreed to have some (since there was no way I could eat the whole pot by myself). Having watched my parents make it, I felt confident I knew how to do it on my own. Cut to me on the phone wailing to my Dad that despite me having simmered... Continue reading

AKA I fell in love with theatre again this weekend. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Amy Poehler said to treat your career “like a bad boyfriend” and that “…it is healthy to remember you can always leave and go sleep with someone else.” I feel the theatre has been a “bad boyfriend” as of late. I love it and I always will, but it’s been on the outs with me: the lack of diversity in the stories being told, lack of diversity in casting, the unwillingness to pay actors a living wage, the defensiveness of members of the community when any... Continue reading

...and what I don't. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I know that it’s been hard to write this blog lately. I know that these days I’ve been putting it off until the last minute, wondering if anything I have to say is of any value in days like these. That my thoughts have been in a constant jumble. I know that I’m heading up to Rochester, NY today to work on a devised theatre piece based on the concept of the American Dream. I know that I’m going to be working with some very talented people. I know that I’m going... Continue reading

AKA Resist. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) It’s now a week after the March on Washington, and with all the events that happened right after I’m trying to think of something inspirational to say based on my experience. An amazing, inspiring day. Something based on or a quote Bréne Brown, Gandhi, Confucius, anyone who has taught wisdom and compassion and strength and articulated it in a beautiful, compassionate way. Instead, my mind keeps swinging towards the The Godfather. Don Vito Corleone. What's the matter with you? Is this what you've become, a Hollywood finocchio who cries like a woman? "Oh, what... Continue reading

Most people are. That’s part of the reason we're in this mess. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) After work today my friend and I are picking up our rental car, grabbing dinner, and making our way down to DC for the Women’s March on Washington. January 21st, 2017 It’s been interesting hearing other people’s reactions when I’ve said I’m heading down there. There’s people who say, “Awesome! Raise your voice. Give them hell.” There are my parents--my mother, who was quiet, and my father who I don’t think knows I’m going which is fine…my mother doesn’t want to worry him and... Continue reading

As the poet once wrote. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I’ve got nothing. Nothing except this stanza of the Tennyson poem In Memoriam in my mind: Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky, The flying cloud, the frosty light: The year is dying in the night; Ring out, wild bells, and let him die. I think of this poem every year as the old year ends, but it’s usually the second stanza that sticks in my mind: Ring out the old, ring in the new, Ring, happy bells, across the snow The year is going, let him go; Ring out... Continue reading

Looking for glimpses of light as 2016 ends. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Honestly I’m just waiting for 2016 to end, though I’ve got trepidations about what’s to come in 2017. I won’t talk about why; anyone watching the news or who hasn’t been living under a rock can guess. I’m exhausted talking about the state of the world and the country, and right now I can only see what’s in front of me…namely, heading out of town to visit family for the holidays. I’m realizing more than ever about how important it is to hold onto hope. Finding it as... Continue reading

Follwing the advice of the (annoying) higher self. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I'm sitting in my apartment after a day of working from home on my computer, spending my breaks reading awful news headline (cabinet appointments) after awful news headline (Walter Scott, Ohio...). I look at the clock. 3:53pm. I signed with my agents a few months ago. I love them. It’s almost time for their holiday party. I feel dejected and gross and the last thing I want to do is make small talk with people I don't know. Connect, goddamit. I text two of my friends. Ugh. Not... Continue reading

What do you do to stay friends? By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I once had a conversation with someone who said, “The universe is an inherently flawed place run by idiots. And they are my bitch. And they should be your bitch too.” I disagreed with him. I like to think of the universe as my friend. Like all friends, it’s not perfect and can occasionally be a jerk, or a prolapsed rectum (or in layman’s terms, an asshole). Yes, it is inherently flawed, and yes, there are some idiots in charge, but until someone finds a way into an alternate... Continue reading

No, I’m not. And I'll tell you why. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Practicing gratitude in times like these is tough. In the past, being told to “be grateful”--especially when the world knocked me down--has had way too many negative connotations for me. First off, it was usually uttered by someone speaking from a place of privilege, making me feel dismissed. Second, it was attached to disappointment, not being good enough, and being told that I was a horrible person for not being able to get past whatever it was that had happened. I’ve come to realize that it isn’t true.... Continue reading

Don’t wait until it’s too late. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I’ve been avoiding Facebook this week, the grief, finger-pointing, blame and people claiming innocence for their part in the outcome or crowing over it being too much. I’m still too shell-shocked to know exactly what to do right now, but there’s one thing I won’t do: stay silent. Speak up. Speak out. There’s no way I’m letting that man take office quietly. I’ll fight him until he takes the oath (if he doesn’t get impeached first, or by some miracle the electoral college doesn’t vote him in), and then every... Continue reading

For now, as the song says. Only for now. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Day 3 post-election. I still feel like crap. I’m sad, and angry, bitterly disappointed, and terrified of what the next four years are going to be like. And no, please do not patronize me and say I’m being overly dramatic. The (I will never say “my”) President-Elect was elected on a platform that was mired in racism, xenophobia, and misogyny. He was endorsed by the KKK. More hate crimes and sexual assaults are starting to spring up across the country, because this man has made it acceptable... Continue reading

Cubbies win. Blocks get knocked over. A woman is elected into the White House. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Though I'm a baseball fan, I didn't watch Game 7 of the World Series. I had an audition to prep for, and on top of that, a headache, and on top of that...just couldn't deal seeing the faces of Chicagoans should the Cubs lose. I woke up the next morning to headlines and videos littering my Facebook feed of pure joy. After 108 years, the Cubs were the World Series Champions. Chicago headlines this month: WORLD SERIES CHAMPIONS!! Chicago headlines in 9... Continue reading

Proceed to watch. STAT. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) The morning after the third (and mercifully, last) Presidential debate on Thursday, I was in desperate need of some cheering up. I did the silly thing and hopped on my Facebook feed. Bad mistake: opinions and frustration and rage everywhere. So I went back to my own feed and stared at this video of bunnies: Which lifted my spirits in a jiff. Then remembered this one by Billy Porter. The whole thing is gold, but the part at 48:00 – 50:00 is super-shiny: Then I remembered getting chills from the new Star... Continue reading

Good men exist. May their numbers continue to grow and multiply. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) A few months ago, I was standing in a crowded subway car. Where I was going I don’t remember, but I do recall being tired and unenthused about where I was headed. NYC life. photo credit: Mario Tama/Getty Images The car stopped and heavily pregnant woman entered, looking around for an empty seat. The hipster sitting to the left of where she’d entered the car shut his eyes and continued to listen to his music with his noise-canceling headphones. I sighed inwardly. I was tired,... Continue reading

Repeat and remember when it’s hard to put one foot in front of the other. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) What's good? What's good? Art Laughter Snuggles from children Hugs from loved ones The changing of the colors and the wind through the trees hot soup on a cold day cold soup on a hot day and cookies anytime anywhere. What's good? What's good? Katherine Hepburn on TV Anything on the BBC Seeing the elderly owner at the deli give a fist bump to his young employee Remembering this time last year I was by the sea Oh wait that's sad... Continue reading

It's OK to let go of the wheel. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) It was my birthday this past Tuesday. People asked me what I wanted to do. Readings of plays I love the weekend before, I said. I liked the idea of going into the birthday being creative. Albee. Goldman. Brilliance. That answer satisfied some, but my sister and some other friends pressed on. What about the actual day, they asked? We should celebrate. When I told them I was doing nothing, they flatly told me that was unacceptable. If I didn't come up with an idea they were going... Continue reading

Live your Golden Life. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) Wake up. Check email. The project you were in final callbacks for has released you. That’s the second one this month. There’s still no word on that audition you felt really good about. You breathe, you sigh, you care and you don’t care. Well, you care. If you didn’t you’d be an android. Ok. Fine. Let it go. You see another email about your student loan payment being debited from your account and another email from the credit card company informing you payment is due. You see two other emails from jobs... Continue reading

My reaction to Blue Apron's take on Korean food. By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) It’s the second week in my new apartment, and my friend Heather has gifted me a weeks’ worth of Blue Apron as a housewarming present. One of the recipes is Spicy Chicken with Korean Rice Cakes. I chop, I boil, I fry, I sniff. I put it all together, place it in a bowl, and serve myself. Two bites in something nudges at my senses. I hear my Dad’s voice in my head say: Ah! Dukboki. I look down at my plate and laugh. It’s true. This:... Continue reading

It’s not memorizing all the lines. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I’m treating my friend to a tall glass of iced tea at my neighborhood café for helping me put up shelves in my new home. A clean, well-lighted place. With a side of tea. I love hanging out with this friend: aside from having the warmest of hearts and a wicked sense of humor, she's also an insanely versatile talented artist, from designing sets to drawing to making stop-motion movies. Conversation turns to when we both decided we wanted to be artists. “I was six,” she says. I ponder the... Continue reading

Otherwise known as The New Home Settle By Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I’m here. I’m home. My home. I’ve spent a month getting ready to live in with the help of some very generous family and friends—painting, cleaning, putting up shelves, gifting furniture, putting together furniture, helping me pack and unpack. I’ve lived here a week now. My office area in one corner of looks the way I’ve always wanted a workspace of mine to look—clean, light, with books and photos and things that make me smile around me, a blank wall to my right that I can paste ideas on.... Continue reading

Like father, like daughter. by Kathleen Choe (actor/singer/writer) I'm driving over the Brooklyn Bridge for the third time in 30 minutes. Siri doesn't seem to realize that the roads he's trying to navigate me through in lower Manhattan to pick up my free TV are blocked by the NYPD. They say the third time's the charm. They say. I'm very, very grateful to have been hooked up with a free TV from my kick-ass sister and her equally kick-ass friend and the kick-ass opportunity to have a TV at all. Very grateful. Super grateful. I am. She and everyone else... Continue reading