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Am I really doing this?
I live in New Zealand...for now.
Just a woman with depression trying to sort her shit out.
Recent Activity
Today I did something I've been promising myself for years. I shared the URL of this blog on a public page. (Deep breathing) I don't write very often. I often don't feel I have the time, the energy or the voice. I'm still battling depression and often wonder if this... Continue reading
Posted Aug 23, 2018 at Am I really doing this?
When I close my eyes I can still see the white sand beaches and manta rays, hear the coral rolling along in the surf and laughter of my yoga sisters, smell the incense from meditation and taste the vibrant flavours of Indonesian food. I can also remember how I was... Continue reading
Posted Nov 18, 2017 at Am I really doing this?
What’s that on your wrist? You? Depression? I don’t believe it?! You’re the happiest person I know! What do I say? How should I feel? A compliment or an argument? Where do I go from here? You don’t see me when I’m suffering. I don’t see anyone when it’s bad.... Continue reading
Posted Aug 13, 2017 at Am I really doing this?
I read a blog post a little while ago a friend had reposted on Facebook about the benign nature of the question 'Are you happy?'. Something clicked when I read this post. For so many years I've been so concerned with being 'happy' I forgot all the other, more important... Continue reading
Posted Dec 15, 2016 at Am I really doing this?
So I'v moved to a new city - Auckland. The move has gone really well and I've felt super positive about it all. My new flat is amazing, I got a teaching job right across the street at a great school - heaps of mates in the city. Things are... Continue reading
Posted Feb 28, 2016 at Am I really doing this?
I just had my tonsils removed about two weeks ago. I've had strep throat/ tonsillitis countless (7,8,9?) times this past year. The year before wasn't much better. In between these bouts of throat troubles, I would come down with a cold, tummy, bug - whatever was going around at the... Continue reading
Posted Jan 31, 2016 at Am I really doing this?
via Empathy vs. sympathy - Don't feel bad for me because I have depression or try to make me feel better...just be there for me - I adore this video Continue reading
Reblogged Jan 31, 2016 at Am I really doing this?
If you don’t know what it’s like to have a mental illness, but have a loved one who does, sometimes it can be hard to know what to say. Even with the best intentions, you might find yourself avoiding the subject all together or giving unsolicited advice that doesn’t end... Continue reading
Reblogged Jan 31, 2016 at Am I really doing this?
I just need to write about the general confusion I feel on a regular basis. I don't know if other people with depression feel this sense of questioning all the time, but I certainly do. My thought process varies constantly about every angle surrounding my illness. I am constantly juggling... Continue reading
Posted Dec 16, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
I've had a bad week - a bad month really. I sort of crashed on the weekend into Monday and realised things weren't ok. I called my sister and my Dad and told them what was going on. My sister urged me to make an appointment with Mary (my psychologist... Continue reading
Posted Dec 16, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
There are so many people in the world who have nobody - no family, no friends, no support system. I always picture people who are struggling alone with mental illness as a person out in the middle of the turbulent ocean treading water. How long can someone be expected to... Continue reading
Posted Nov 4, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
I took my friend's son for a swim yesterday. We were splashing around in the pool when a little boy swam over to say hello. His mother swam over and introductions followed. Her next words were, 'I just love your tattoo, I've been thinking about getting one for ages, I... Continue reading
Posted Oct 4, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
I got the tattoo of the semi-colon to try and spark conversation about depression (semi-colon project link below). I knew once I got the tattoo I would be asked about it, why I got it, what it meant. The whole idea is to force me to talk about something I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 30, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
Seeing a psychologist is something I vowed to never do again after a few bad experiences as a teenager. Then I met Mary. I tried moving back to Canada last year. This experiment didn't go so well. I had been medicated for about a year and really struggling with my... Continue reading
Posted Sep 17, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
It’s taken me a little while to write about drinking because it’s such a complicated issue. I’m still trying to figure it out. Alcohol has been a constant in my life for over 17 years. (I’m 31, so more than half my life). I’ve been drunk more times than I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 15, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
As my friend Pete once said, "Well, we're committed now!" Continue reading
Posted Sep 10, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
While I was speaking with my psychologist Mary (my proverbial angel – more about that later) the other day, she asked me a very strange question. She asked, ‘What is good about having depression?’ This question was like a wrench being thrown in the gears of my logic. I struggled... Continue reading
Posted Sep 10, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
Antidepressants for children and teensLearn why antidepressants have warnings about suicidal thinking in children and teens, what to do before your child starts taking an antidepressant, and the warning signs of a potential problem. By Mayo Clinic Staff Antidepressant medications are often an effective way to treat depression and anxiety... Continue reading
Reblogged Sep 3, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
I've been medicated for a total of five years. That's 15% of my life or about 40% of my adult life. I was prescribed my first anti-depressants when I was 18 years old. I had been struggling with depression for a few years and it went undiagnosed until I hit... Continue reading
Posted Sep 3, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
Today I had a friend confide in me that her close girlfriend was really struggling again with depression. I was told to keep this information to myself. I was also informed that this women doesn't want anyone to know about her depression outside her close family and friends. I hear... Continue reading
Posted Aug 28, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
The timing of starting this blog is turning out to be a little ironic. Until recently I thought I had overcome depression. I've only had two 'bouts' of it in my life and both were treated with different medications. The last occurrence made me realize I could overcome it with... Continue reading
Posted Aug 21, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
Project Semicolon (The Semicolon Project) is a faith-based non-profit movement dedicated to presenting hope and love to those who are struggling with depression, suicide, addiction and self-injury. Project Semicolon exists to encourage, love and inspire. via Here is the movement that got me writing/ sharing and in a week,... Continue reading
Reblogged Aug 7, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
Why start a blog now? I've been struggling (or handling it like a boss depending on how you look at it) with depression since I was 16. People have been writing blogs for as long as I can remember and I've never had any inclination to start one. So here's... Continue reading
Posted Aug 7, 2015 at Am I really doing this?
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Aug 7, 2015