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Topsy
Nowheresville, Vermont
Paroled after serving hard time for telling really bad jokes.
Recent Activity
OK, I'll say it - she had a yen for Chinese that day...
THE MACOMB COUNTY DINING SCENE
Woman bites off part of man's ear at Macomb County Chinese restaurant (Thanks to Michael Parry)
Two days? TWO DAYS???
THERE'S PROBABLY A PERFECTLY INNOCENT EXPLANATION
Man has a three-inch-wide glass cup removed from his rear after having it stuck there for two days (Thanks to Jeffrey Brown and Le Petomane)
I hope Mrs.Dave doesn't see this...
COLD WAR UPDATE
The U.S. embassy in Moscow has eliminated the program that sent Ridley Pearson and me to Russia in 2014. Relations between us and the Russians are not good. I blame Ridley. It was a fun trip. Here's a picture of us with the U.S. ambassador to Russia, John Tefft, and his dog Lui, who is giving me...
How will we know if he survives? More important, how will HE know if he survives?
THE CALGARY HERALD COVERS HURRICANE HARVEY
Calgary man in Houston planning to ride out Hurricane Harvey with a 24-pack of beer (Thanks to Roberto)
NOW you tell me. Coulda used this advice last week.
TODAY'S HEALTH TIP
Attention, men: Please do not put your penis in a coconut Advisory: Bad words, coconut sex (Thanks to Ralph)
"Is our children learning?"
HIGHER ED
"Wichita State University" misspelled on water tower (Thanks to Stan Ruth and Ralph)
From what I read, he didn't need the tomb after all.
NOT CREEPY AT ALL!
Jesus turns his head to watch you on this gravestone (Thanks to Alan Dean)
"Portia labiata". I dated her in college.
YOU KNOW WHO IS BEHIND THIS
Praying Mantises Are Killing Birds And Eating Their Brains Worldwide Really annoying autoplay. (Thanks to Chris Knight) Vaguely Related: Aggressive spiders are quick at making accurate decisions, better at hunting unpredictable preys (Thanks to Chris Knight, who highlights this quote from the ar...
On the plus side, I hear that the world has gained a fabulous new soprano.
GUYS IN ACTION
Brave man dives onto 1,000 mousetraps so we can see it in slow motion (Thanks to Rick Day)
So as I understand it, he came and went.
HAPPY ENDING
Man, 67, dies of 'natural causes' in a Texas strip club while receiving lap dances (Thanks to Jeff Meyerson)
How else would you start the Easter egg hunt?
ALLELU-YIKES
Gun goes off in Wilson County church before Easter service (Thanks to Bill Hudgins)
Those boys tickled the ivories AND the ovaries.
MEANWHILE IN THE ARTS
A funny clip has resurfaced from the Greek version of Britain's Got Talent showing a very rude but entertaining clip of two contestants playing the piano with their private parts. (Thanks to James Flynn)
"Coffee, tea, antivenin at a slight extra charge?"
UNITED: AIRLINE, OR CIRCLE OF HELL?
Scorpion Falls From Overhead Bin, Stings Passenger on United Flight (Thanks to Rick Day)
On the other hand, it WAS an organic bat.
DESPITE THE FACT THAT IT GUARANTEES THE SALAD WAS INSECT-FREE
Salad recalled after bat found in bag (Thanks to Rick Day, Bill Hudgins, Stan Ruth and Jon Harris)
Something about this doesn't sound kosher.
MEANWHILE ABROAD
Israel reschedules election because it clashes with Britney Spears concert (Thanks to Ralph)
The dean apparently doesn't have enough to occupy his time. The poor girls need understanding, not discipline (which costs extra).
RAH!
A South Carolina college cheerleading team has been suspended during an investigation into allegations its members worked as strippers and escorts. (Thanks to Kevin Smith)
I hear she was speechless when they gave her the award!
USEFUL SKILL
Circus entertainer sets world record stopping fan blades with her tongue (Thanks to Jon Harris)
"Couple say they decided to go ahead with the wedding but had to be medicated". Ya think??
OTHER THAN THAT, IT WAS A LOVELY AFFAIR
Couple who went ahead with their wedding after a hitman walked in and SHOT three relatives say they were 'trying to make the best of it' but were upset 'so much food was wasted' after guests fled (Thanks to Patty Villanova)
"It is a Jimenez .380-cailber pistol valued at $100." Not any more it isn't!
HOW DID *THAT* GET THERE?
Stolen gun falls from inmate's body cavity during search at north Alabama jail (Thanks to Patty Villanova, Le Petomane, Al Barkafski, Woozy Barnes, Roberto and Another Ralph)
I would like to offer my services to any young lady who... Oh, never mind. It's no big thing.
THIS JUST IN
Japan’s giant wooden penis parade (Thanks to Emily, Leslie and w)
Beam me up, Scottie!!!
FINALLY, SOME GOOD NEWS
There are Giant Clouds of Alcohol Floating in Space (Thanks to Chris Johnson)
*Snork* to ligirl.
WE SAW THEM OPEN FOR SPRINGSTEEN
Jersey monitors threat from toxic sea lettuce fumes (Thanks to Jay Brandes)
Now the kid has a Mopey Dick.
MEN:
Do not click here. (Thanks to Patty Villanova)
If Obamacare had this as a benefit, NOBODY would want to repeal it.
MEANWHILE ABROAD
Germany Green Party pledges to pay for free sex with prostitutes for anyone who needs 'sexual assistance' and can't afford it (Thanks to Linda Schutjer)
"...the gaffe was a slip of the tongue ...". Actually, they were just trying to pronounce "Witold Waszczykowski".
'SAN ESCOBAR'
Poland's foreign minister mocked after naming non-existent country as supporter in bid for UN Security Council seat (Thanks to Ross Couples)
More...
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