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Alissa Rusk
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Thanks for the "advice" Amy, I appreciate it :). It's funny because your suggestion of talking about things afterwards is the only thing that makes me feel like I am a somewhat decent parent. I do actually talk with my daughter, admit my wrongs and apologize when I have done wrong. We had a 2 hour discussion last night about the latest fight. I also try to let her know why I act/react the way I do and what may trigger me (she is aware that I am "in recovery" and knows a little bit about my childhood, but is so far removed from that sort of childhood I don't think she can really understand the whole concept). I actually think that I clean up the messes pretty good...I just wish that I could, in the midst of a mess, stop myself and figure how to be "my best parent", instead of always having to clean up afterwards (and harbour guilt and regret). Your are right, this stuff is HARD, but thanks to little things like your blog, there is hope that things may get easier. So thank you, I enjoy very much reading your posts. :) Keep them coming ;)
This post really spoke to fact I was outraged, because no, I DON'T THINK MY PARENTS DID THE BEST THEY COULD...unfortunately life has a way of kicking your ass when you get high and mighty...I am a mother of a teenage girl whom I haven't been getting along with for 2 years now, we had the mother of all fights last night and things were said and done that very definitely shouldn't have been. Afterwards I thought about this post and had to ask myself- AM I DOING THE BEST I CAN PARENTING? And my answer would have to be NO, I am not. I have been in recovery for years, have worked the steps more than once, am concious of my patterns and I STILL am powerless over them. I could do better I think, so now I am second guessing my anger at my parents for their harms....And wondering just how much I am screwing up my daughters life while I am at it.
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Feb 22, 2011