This is 's Typepad Profile.
Join Typepad and start following 's activity
Recent Activity
GWNI Moved!
Readers: My blog moved! And it's better than ever. #1 The NEW url is: http://www.guesswhatnormalis.com Please update your RSS feeds. #2 Take a sec to join the GWNI Mailing List to receive an email from me when extraordinary things occur. -amy Continue reading
Posted Oct 6, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
1
Thank YOU for the new-and-improved Guess What Normal Is! (Coming Soon!)
I want to say Thank You to readers who have donated to Guess What Normal Is this past year. I have been able to put your donations to good use. I will be unveiling the new-and-improved GWNI site...very, very soon! Feel free to get a jump on things and subscribe to the GWNI e-mailing list. (Yep, that's new, too!) Thanks to all of you, dear readers, I have been able to hire Nicole Bateman of The Pixel Boutique to re-envision... Continue reading
Posted Sep 28, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
0
I'm not sure if she ended it, or if I did, actually!
Despite my frustration toward her impatience, criticism, controlling, and moodiness, I valued the friendship (as a Loyal adult child!) I called a couple times and left voice mails. She returned my calls, but not quickly and her voice messages were very...nice...very formal. And I thought, "What's going on here?"
I had a decision to make - call her and find out why she was being distant (mad?) and resolve it, invest in us, or... not. And I realized that I didn't want to call and find out -- I just wanted out.
So I just never called again. And the feeling must have been mutual, because she didn't call again either.
Your Radar's Not Broken, You Know When Someone's Bad for You
We feel so broken sometimes. So put upon. So tired. Must we always have to re-do, do-over, re-jigger, and work so, so hard to have a normal, right, life? Depends on how you look at it. The un-chosen, poorly-tuned, oblivious life isn't very rewarding, so in that sense the oh-so-hard work is...
When Your Soul is a Combat Zone
Posted Aug 17, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
2
That must have been no fun, but great that you realized it. When I look at most of my friendships, I can see that the friend and I were drawn together in ways that were completely subconscious at the time, and while a lot of them have turned out to be mutually nurturing and supportive and fun, there was one that I ended when I realized that the level of negativity and criticism was too great. I felt horrible about ending it, because it was right after the friend had done me an incredible favor. And we'd been friends a few years. But, still, the favor was undercut by passive-aggressive vibes. And those vibes...made something click, or snap! It was that final instance that somehow pinged all the previous instances and I suddenly saw the historical pattern between us, or...in me.
Your Radar's Not Broken, You Know When Someone's Bad for You
We feel so broken sometimes. So put upon. So tired. Must we always have to re-do, do-over, re-jigger, and work so, so hard to have a normal, right, life? Depends on how you look at it. The un-chosen, poorly-tuned, oblivious life isn't very rewarding, so in that sense the oh-so-hard work is...
Hey Jane, that's awesome. How did you know the friendship was toxic, what were the cues? Yeay for you!
Your Radar's Not Broken, You Know When Someone's Bad for You
We feel so broken sometimes. So put upon. So tired. Must we always have to re-do, do-over, re-jigger, and work so, so hard to have a normal, right, life? Depends on how you look at it. The un-chosen, poorly-tuned, oblivious life isn't very rewarding, so in that sense the oh-so-hard work is...
Your Radar's Not Broken, You Know When Someone's Bad for You
Posted Aug 11, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
6
Getting Good at Ending Conversations and Asking People to Go (Without Lying!)
Posted Jun 9, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
1
Hey Amy - thanks!
Welcome to the family :-)
We're big and acutally supportive. No way are we alone, not by a mile.
Cutting Loose from Your Emotional Inheritance (Part I of the GWNI "Raise Yourself Up!" Series)
When you’re in emotional pain, you want to know—is there a cure? Am I a puppet of my family or an independent agent with choice? Will I ever feel better—like, happy? Will I ever stop crying? Will I grow out of this and, promise me, not repeat the past? Not repeating the past is really, rea...
Scared? Stuck? Hey Fear, Back Off—I’ve Got Options and a Process!
Posted May 27, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
0
Erin, that sounds like a double-whopper, both authority figure dominance as well as boundary violation that you're fighting. Sounds like you're fighting a great fight.
For what it's worth - fighting with nervousness, fear or anxiety doesn't make you any less fierce. Sometimes we have to stick up for ourselves with our fear in tow. It's a new skill, to stay balanced and self-directed on new and unfamiliar ground. But I think the fear of backing down that comes with treading on new, unfamiliar ground is good-scary for people like us. You won't let yourself down - you might fall back a step, but then you'll do two steps forward ... And thats progress in the long run.
Be kind to yourself.
Keep us posted!
Hug,
Amy
Personal Boundaries are Essential to the Real You
Setting boundaries is one way to become slightly more intriguing. RESPECTED BOUNDARIES ARE LIKE COOL SHADE ON A HOT DAY The word boundary makes me think of a wall, or fortress. BOUNDARY. I wish the word were less solid. Something more like the word veil, screen, or shade. I like "shade." ...
Erin, you lie because when you were a child the people who were supposed to accept your truth rejected it and molded you to say what they wanted to hear (for you, lies). It's their fault. Not yours. They failed you...for unfair reasons of their own. You're breaking free bit by bit (you have those books nearby!), and each time you risk telling your truth, you heal and you grow. (Not easy, but do able.) And I'm rooting for you.
If It's Just As Easy to Tell the Truth, Why Do Adult Children of Alcoholics Lie?
For normal people, lying is about deceiving others. Manipulaiton. Control. Sneakiness. For us, people raised by alcoholic or otherwise addicted, narcissistic, or depressive parents--lying is rooted in fear. Our lying is based in a deep sense of uncertainty about what's acceptible, and our...
Thanks, Jed, for sharing this further.
I was fascinated by the correlation between neglect as a form of trauma, in its being a threat to vitality and even a threat to life, and PTSD. Shocking...and revealing.
I hope that the revisions to the 2013 DSM open up the diagnosis to a larger population in need of healing - and transformation.
-Amy
Yes, Adult Children of Alcoholics Can Suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Heal from PTSD Too
Readers, you are in for a real treat. This winter I was fortunate enough to have two conversations about post traumatic stress disorder PTSD with trauma specialist Dr. Marylene Cloitre. The following article is based on our conversations. Do You Have PTSD from Childhood? Panic. Anxiety....
Yes, Adult Children of Alcoholics Can Suffer from Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) and Heal from PTSD Too
Posted May 4, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
2
Caroline Casey on Who Am I and What do I Really, Really Want to Do with My Life?
Caroline Casey is one of my true heroes. Enjoy - Continue reading
Posted May 4, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
0
Setting Personal Boundaries and a ‘No Thanks’ Approach to Dysfunctional Family Dynamics
Posted Apr 28, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
4
Done Yet with the Panic, Anxiety and What Iffing Yourself into a Cold Sweaty Mind Freeze?
Posted Apr 27, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
0
Thanks so much for this post OAD!
I wasn't familiar with the fable about the Lion and the Fox. It's great. I love having that visual and that story to remind me how to protect my curious, always-ready-to-help nature against...the ever-hungry lion.
That's a really great tool!
Thank you :)
OAD on Narcissism: New Name? Same Game!
This post was written for GWNI by One Angry Daughter, who explains narcissism, and her personal experiences with navigating it, on her blog. Labels May Come and Labels May Go, but the Toxic Behavior Remains the Same At the end of 2010, the Adult Children of Narcissists (ACON) support circles...
OAD on Narcissism: New Name? Same Game!
Posted Apr 12, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
3
Thanks Freddie. It's good to be 'waking' up isn't it? Not always fun, and often painful, but gloriously rewarding and it just gets better and better.
Really. It does.
I'm still having waves of realizations as I heal different layers and re-wire my brain after an entire childhood spent in survival mode. We're so good at 'getting through' bad times, difficult people, uncomfortable situations, dysfunction, bad jobs, angry people...that we just continue to choose to endure situations rather than realize that we can give ourselves permission to say, No Thanks, I Don't Like Drama and to walk away from engagements that don't feel good. (We live as survivors rather than people who thrive well beyond survival.) It takes time for all of that to click, but if you do the work, the universe will send you little friendly 'here's how' signals. :-) Good luck! Drop me a line anytime.
Can You Grow Up from Being the Child of an Alcoholic?
Yes. Yes, you absolutely can. (You already are, just by reading this.) Growing up as an adult child requires 3 steps: Processing your pain Learning about healthy living Putting new behaviors into practice Each of these three aspects will deliver you into your own version of true ad...
Your Kid Just Barfed—But You Have Dinner Reservations
Posted Mar 8, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
0
Parenting Anew
Posted Mar 4, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
3
Hi Paul - thanks!
Just checked out your site and blog - really like your 'Eating & Budgeting' post. Really wise. Very cool how you come at that from such a unique and refreshing angle.
It's good to know about what you do (and where you do it!).
Curious - what do you think about the upcoming changes to the DSM (2013 revision) with regard to NPD? Do you think it will alter how people understand or define their parents...? What does that change "mean" to us?
How to Break Free from a Parent’s Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Part Three in a Four-Part Series)
This is the third post in a four-part series by One Angry Daughter, who shares her experience and resources for Adult Children of Narcissists on her blog, One Angry Daughter What's Next? Due to all the strong emotions attached to the NPD-inflicted loved one, the first instinct is to try to ...
When You Tell A Story to an Abandoned Child, Don't Make Her the Hero
Posted Feb 28, 2011 at I've moved! Visit guesswhatnormalis.com
Comment
4
Kira, a red bike? I love it! I hope you have a bell too. :-) You've inspired me to try handstands...
So glad the post resonated.
You're right - people who haven't had a traumatic childhood or dysfunctional parents really can't get it, and are uncomfortable with painful childhood stories; they may hope that pointing out a rainbow in the sky will do the trick. "See that? All better now."
Tee hee.
Who Says Our Dysfunctional Parents Did They Best They Could?
I expected to be writing a mega-post about PTSD, but today I need to rant on about a well-meaning phrase (in truth, I hope this is much more than a rant—I hope there’s something insightful and helpful by the end). You all know this phrase. It makes me want to scream whenever I hear it, these...
More...
Subscribe to ’s Recent Activity