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Writer. Reader. Reviewer. Woman. Feminist. Disabled. Infertile. Sarcastic. Not necessarily all in that order.
Recent Activity
I've been thinking about this, too, as Husband and I are updating the wills before I go in for surgery in May. I keep thinking I need to draft an "Ana is dead, sorry" post on Blogger and leave instructions for it to be posted if something bad ever happens. :/
Toggle Commented Apr 28, 2012 on No Songs of Angels at The Slacktiverse
Hugs for Froborr. So many. :( *hugs* And vindication because I thought Cosette was a cipher at 16, so yay! :)
[TW: Fat Hatred] Reason is not even remotely involved in the ridiculous article I read calling the Katniss actor "not skinny enough" for the part. Katniss isn't *supposed* to be emaciated -- her entire character is that of a *huntress*. Her family probably eats better than any of the other miner families -- they even have a GOAT for CHEESE.
Way to mess that up Ana. Need to refresh before posting. But at least I can second all the sadness and frustration for Alex. What is wrong with this world?
Incoherence pretty much describes my life right now. :D On the one hand, we're moved into Nice New House which is super-awesome because now we are closer to the Parents. Plus! National Geographic! Harry Potter! Catio! On the other hand, job and AT&T and a billion things on my to-do list that I keep thinking are Satisfactorily Closed and yet keep popping back up like little wallpaper bubbles. I'm currently existing in a bizarre place between "amazingly giddy" and "despondently solemn" and I'm not quite sure what to make of the contrast. I... think I'm working through it pretty well. But I also think life would be easier if people made a point to hand me peeled grapes.
I now have visions of Kenneth Branagh dancing in a fountain in my head. Psah. I have that all the time. :P I thought that movie did a good job keeping him lightly teasing and therefore not as jerky as the character could/can be depending on the actor. (Though I know I'm not the only one cheering for Beatrice to take Denzel Washington.) I remember Amanda Marcotte saying during that Elevator Gate incident that she thinks some men actually DELIBERATELY CHOOSE to be creepy and frightening in elevators because they think it will increase the odds of getting women. 'Seduction' by intimidation and fear, as it were. I don't know that I understand how that would work as a strategy, but it's possible that someone, somewhere has tried it. :( And as of a month ago, someone randomly chastised Rebecca Watson on Twitter for "turning down that guy for coffee" because "that's how I met my husband". I told Rebecca something like: "See? You could have MARRIED that guy! I mean, you didn't LIKE him or anything, but you'd be married and that's something, right??" *facepalm* It's just frustrating because there's this... mentality that soulmate/marriage/what-have-you is what women are SUPPOSED to be looking for. AT ALL TIMES. Like we're all Carrie Bradshaw or something. I love my Husband, but if he wasn't here, I wouldn't be actively looking -- I'm good right now, thanks. And then you have these "women's day" statements from the white house saying things like "women should be allowed to succeed because it helps the community!" No, women should be allowed to succeed, period. And we should be able to go to bed without men and turn down coffee and do whatever we please without WHAT ABOUT THE FUTURE or WHAT ABOUT YOUR SOULMATE SEARCH or any of this other baggage. Why is all this dumped on everyone all the time? And I do think men get this too -- this constant pressure that YOU MIGHT BE IN AN ELEVATOR WITH YOUR SOULMATE SO DON'T MISS THIS CHANCE!! Gah. Rambling now, off to bed. Love ya'll and this board and that bacon in the corner. *mmm*
Toggle Commented Mar 15, 2012 on Trust me, I'm a breeder at The Slacktiverse
@Kit and Izzy, thank you. And, Kit, though I oscillate between loving and loathing children in public (quiet = love; shrieky = loathe), every time I get testy with a public child now I remember that you have a child and you're pretty awesome and I keep my facial muscles under control. So thank you for helping me be a better person in public. :) OMG PARENTS OF BOYFRIENDS. I had a woman tell me while I was dating her freshmen son that I needed to "make sure he did his homework" and keep on him to meet his deadlines. I was so freaked out by this suggestion, I can't even. I think she was looking for something to talk about, and a way to bond, and it probably just came out wrong, but I was stunned into silence in the moment. I did have another woman of a boyfriend who was so much bad news, I-don't-even, get super angry with him over the way he treated me, and after I left him, she (a) told me I made the right decision and (b) threw him out of her house and told him he could live elsewhere. Quite frankly, under the circumstances (so many triggers, I won't even go into details), I was both impressed and very much believed she made a good decision there for herself. The mother-in-law I have now is pretty much perfect in that she loves her son but doesn't think he can do no wrong and if she's not 100% clear on a situation, she defaults to assuming that I'm the reasonable one. OMG PERFECT MOTHER-IN-LAW IS PERFECT.
Toggle Commented Mar 15, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
Well, and along with Questions Guy, there's Compulsively Shares Guy, and I don't even know what to say about that. [TW: Infertility] At the last Christmas dinner, a co-worker brought his newborn son. Fine. And then took him to each table so we would all coo over him. Fine. And then held forth AT GREAT LENGTH about how parenthood was the most incredible thing ever, and everyone should experience it, and there is nothing to compare, and that moment you bring them home for the first time is the best moment in existence... About 5 minutes in, I excused myself to go to the bathroom. And then met Husband at the door that night in tears and demanded that he tell me (as he has children from a previous marriage) that it's really not all it's cracked up to be.* Husband obliged, and a crisis was passed. :) So, yeah, social gatherings can be tough. * I recognize that for many people it is, and I honestly believe that for me it would have been as well. But this is a good example of a context where I could say something like this and the other person understood what I needed to hear, as opposed to a Fact Based Analysis Of Parenting Versus All Other Things Including Chocolate. :)
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
Hello Dr Freud. But hey, I like my dad, and he's been happily married to my mother for decades, so there are worse men to marry. Consider it taking on a tested model, perhaps. And at least it means my parents and husband get along! Ha, yeah, it's ironic that Parents get along with Husband better than they do with me. (At least in certain contexts.) :D
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
Living creatures do not thrive on too much inturning, and the more people reward each other for being more and more Platonically this or that, the quicker the end will come. o.O Someone needs to tell Mr. Beaver from Narnia.
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
Grr. Squinted *just SO*. Not *just do*.
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
[TW: Shaming Language] (It's probably horrible and Freudian, and best not looked at too closely, as with most matters of attraction.) LOL! Complete derail: My father gave some of his old t-shirts to my husband a few weeks back. A few days ago, I realized that if I squinted *just do* at Husband, while he wears a certain shirt, he KINDA LOOKS LIKE MY DAD. I'm pretty blase about the Freudian stuff, so I just thought it was funny, especially as their personalities are nothing alike and even the physical similarities are more impressions that only I would notice as opposed to strangers picking them out as twins. But I thought it was hilarious. Back on derail! In the one case where I had ZERO CLUE as to the break-up, this was in college and both I and he had never dated before and came from a super-conservative Christian culture. I *think* that my drive for physical affection (kissing, and did I mention we were super-conservative Christians?) was something he couldn't deal with at the time, by which I mean that he seemed into it in the moment, but then wracked with guilt later when I wasn't there to observe him. I base this impression on things that happened afterwards, but in the moment of the break-up, yeah, I had zero clue. I don't think I ever could have guessed that, just because I wasn't really in tune with the "into it in the moment, feel guilty later" concept. If I felt guilt about something, it was always in the moment AND later. (That line in Sense and Sensibility about "If it'd been wrong, I'd have been conscious of it and unable to enjoy it" oh dear god but that was unironically me at that age. Only for realz.) Still, I felt bad about the whole thing because I never meant to make him feel uncomfortable. But I do appreciate in retrospect that his "no real reason" break-up was trying to save him from calling me a Slutty McSlutsterson for wanting to kiss him on our dates. :) So TL;DR, I agree with Izzy that it's best not to press for a reason that you aren't really going to like and wouldn't have helped in the next relationship anyway and would have just given me a complex about kissing. :)
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
Oh, and that last post was written with a smile. :) I realize no one HERE has called me ZE GOLD-DIGGING HARLOT. That has been limited to people in the real life. :D
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
I'll give you "rich," though. Heh. Fanning the flames, I give you exhibit A: Ana. I'm disabled enough to be in pain pretty much all the time, but not enough to stop working and live on the government pittance. I've known from my teens that this is my life and that, as I get older, it may become more and more painful for me to work. What can I do? I need money to live. I need health insurance to not die. I've dated poor* people, and even married one, but after a nasty breakup and and even nastier bout of paralysis for a week, I decided that I wasn't going to date anyone who didn't make at least as much as what I was making employed as a software engineer. * The problem with talking about money in America is that terms like "poor", "middle class", "rich", etc. are hopelessly subjective. In this case, my first husband was a waiter with no college education; my second husband has a masters degree and is a software engineer. NOT because I don't think there are really wonderful, awesome people out there that happen to make less than me. NOT because I don't think people who make less than me aren't hardworking, driven people. I absolutely do NOT think there is anything special about the number that a person makes... ...EXCEPT in so much as that number (and the health insurance along with it) allows me to literally *survive* in a future where I know I won't be able to take care of myself. I hate that this is the case in my country. I hate that we don't have national health insurance and a better disability policy for people like me. I hate that people like me have to weigh "huh, do I cross out a huge potential selection for soul mates in exchange for basic survival, or no?" But I also hate that the mere mention that money might matter to me in the world of romance makes me a GOLD-DIGGING HARLOT. When, you know, it's more complicated than that.** :) ** I get that this wasn't the situation being discussed above. But I thought I'd derail the derail. :)
Toggle Commented Mar 14, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
It's possible that you're more conditioned to feel comfortable demanding accommodation. And I mean this as in the whole "boys are trained to be assertive" kind of thing, not as a conscious ACCOMMODATE ME OR ELSE kind of thing. :) I actually think assertiveness can be exceedingly healthy in certain contexts and frequently wish I were more so. :)
Toggle Commented Mar 13, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
I note that the others mentioning this seem to present as male, and it seems that the most egregious examples I can think of in my circle of friends are also male - why is that? Is this just a guy thing? It's possible that you're more conditioned to feel comfortable demanding accommodation. I think I asked the first boy who broke up with me "why" -- it was really out of the blue for me, and I thought everything was roses -- but as soon as it became clear that he was uncomfortable with the discussion, I backed off. Not because I'm the soul of sensitivity, but because I've been trained from my earliest childhood memories to avoid making people uncomfortable. I think it becomes second nature after awhile for many women. That said, general cases make poor 'rules'. I'm sure there are women out there who would relentlessly grill "why" and there are undoubtedly men who would back away and say "oh, um, okay, ah, see you around".
Toggle Commented Mar 13, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
And I actually am pretty social in public, but there is a fine line between answering little questions like "Oh, yes, this IS one of those newfangled e-reader things" or "Oh, yes, I know a little bit of knitting; this is called The Continental Method" followed by a nice-but-tight smile and a pointed return to my business... ...versus being expected to entertain you for the entirety of the bus trip because you couldn't be bothered to bring a book. Incidentally, when I was a teenager, I remember we went to Disney World and we were on one of those buses back to the hotel one night when a significantly older young man struck up a very uncomfortable flirtation with me. I was with MY PARENTS, and he kept pestering me about where I was staying and whether I wanted to come down to the hot tub with him, and I was getting more and more uncomfortable because I had the full-on Good Girl training and I didn't know how to be more assertive than my weak "haha, no, I don't think so, haha." I was getting more and more scared and uncomfortable, when we pulled up to a stop. I stood up as if to disembark and he leaped to his feet saying it was his stop too. What a coincidence! I sat back down, and he was forced to grudgingly get off or look like a fool. Thank gods he did. When he got off, at least three people spontaneously started applauding me. Apparently he'd been annoying the whole bus with his loud and clumsy harassment. And that was... nice, but... I to this day don't understand why I can't live in a culture where someone, anyone, my gorram parents while we're on the subject, could have said "Ma'am, do you want to switch seats with me?" Because I would have said 'yes'. Dunno where that one came from, but there you go.
Toggle Commented Mar 12, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
OMG, I LOVE THIS POST. And the authors of it. *love* The idea that no, you may not have been planning to rape me but you did hijack my attention and take up my personal space with your disagreeable behaviour, and that's still a problem - and you did it on purpose to boot - doesn't seem to register. Thiiiiiiiiiiiis. And cue someone IMMEDIATELY saying "I don't feel entitled to not be bothered by other people when I'm in public," with the very clear implication that: 1. This is not merely a personal opinion; you should feel the same way. 2. You are a huge narking jackwagon to expect privacy-in-public. 3. The whole world is going to heck in a handbasket because of antisocial people like you. F-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f-f- *sigh*
Toggle Commented Mar 12, 2012 on It Just Is. So Shut Up. at The Slacktiverse
I have this weird recurring dream where I'm at work and I realize I'm naked. I hear other people get that. But what's weird about my version is that I'm all "Huh, I'm naked. Okay." But then everyone else gets uncomfortable about it and I feel guilty, like I should go home and change rather than make people uncomfortable, but it seems really inconvenient for me, plus I'd have to make up the lost work time. But I feel really bad making everyone else feel bad. In real life, I think I would be very uncomfortable being naked at work. So I find this dream very odd.
I keep hearing terribly conflicting stories and it's really hard to sort out the actuals. Some say it's a PD library being created; others say it's distribution seizure.
I'm being told on another board that the France thing only applies to 'clearly' orphaned works. For definitions of 'clearly' that I cannot parse since I can't find any other unblocked articles that aren't themselves in French. Confusing.
@Hapax, I can't get to that link at work, but this article seems... wow.
what I really wanted Google to do is link my realname at gmail address to the NC-17 fic and images I have been known to Google for. Yeah, and feminist blogging -- as I've learned -- means that I search for some really noxious stuff at times. *sigh*
Gutenberg is awesome, but there's only so much I can take of pre-1950s attitudes and prose style. I'm so relieved to not be the only person on earth to feel this way sometimes. :)
And while we're talking about reactions to popular things, I've been re-reading Mark's Mark Reads Twilight and it's such a different experience from my own time with the text. He calls even what I consider to be "descriptive" passages from Bella's POV "whiny" and while I can't... disagree, it's not the reaction I have to the passages. This particularly FASCINATES me because his read of The Hunger Games is basically a TRANSCRIPT OF MY MIND. You'd think we couldn't be so similar in one series and yet so different in another, but here we are. I think it's so interesting, from a navel gazing perspective.