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Mar 15, 2010
Just thought I should chime into the discussion again here and encourage people who land on my site to read the entire string of this post so they understand my full viewpoint. One "snippet" taken out of context is easy to misread. Alyson
Hey Melanie, Thanks for finding my web site (and show) and for commenting! Adler's entire theory can be found in a great book for people called: What Life Should Mean To You For Parenting: you have my books - or Adler also check out STEP, PEP, Active parenting, Positive Discipline or P.E.T by Dr Thomas Gordon. Stay in touch! Alyson
Hi David, Thanks for the comment. Point well taken. I didn't mean to misrepresent the terrible conditions of babies in orphanages. The point I was hoping to make ( and I guess I didn't do so well as it was meant to be tongue in cheek and cleary came out offensive) was that we are a nation of doting parents who cater, with the false believe that if we didn't cater, our children would suffer. In fact, in situations where "catering" is an impossibility, due to situational factors, those children learn to make the appropriate accommodations. Lets use the example of camp. If breakfast is at 8, lunch at 12 supper at 5 with a pre-set menu, children figure it out and eat fine. No camp counsellor hold off on the game of Tug of War becuase Johnny is still eating. Johnny doesn't go to the mess hall between meals expecting a different meal etc... The child adapts. Adults do not need to cater in the way we do in modern families, fearing our children won't eat. Alyson
Toggle Commented Mar 12, 2009 on The Slow Eater at Alyson Schafer - Parent Expert
Hi John, Thank you for that question - It was so clearly stated and I can give you a definitive answer: you are correct. its not for young babies. I recommend the 5 S's of soothing from Dr Harvey Karp for the little babes. I have been so misunderstood on this matter. What is your your site? Alyson
I would get a medical opinion so you rule out any other physiological factors. Yes - I have heard there is a familial trend too. But barring all that - Its between the 7 yr old and his sheets. Mom has no reason to be involved beyond teaching him how to cope with changing sheets and learning how to use the washing machine. Make sure there is a sleeping bag in their room so they can deal with these things in the morning. Hope that helps! Alyson
Hello Sian, I hope you took the time to read the other related entries as I tried better to explain my point of view. Seems this post has caused a lot of discussion and confusion. Alyson
Hello Jessica, The worries you have: he'll wake up others, and maybe he is hungry need to be resolved in your own mind before you'll be successful since these concerns interfere with your desire to just let him be. Ask your pediatriacian to confirm he is fine with out night feedings ( usually past 6mo and this is not necessary any more) -- and send your neighbours flowers / wine / to a hotel! or move the crib to a different part of the house while your doing the training. Your hubby is a big boy - he can manage a few days. Start on a friday and have him take Monday off. He can suffer a bit of fatigue ( you are!!) Hope that helps! Alyson
Amy, you make such a good point. I am glad you took the time to post this comment. YES - encouragement is a larger concept. Maybe so large it becomes unruly to explain and could better be broken down eh? I am not married to any one word / term - but it sure makes it hard to create meaningful dialogue when we don't have language agreement. I am just finishing Malcolm Gladwell's new book "Outliers" and according to one section of argument he makes, having a sense of "entitlement" in children is healthy. When I hear his arguments / description of "entitlement" ( and he also mentions the language confusion) I am totally on board with the benefits of this "mindset" or "quality" but if I were to start blogging: "an attitude of entitlement is good" people would fall off their chairs! :) Semantics eh? Alyson
You are right - you can't lug them in to the car then! Its about trying to WIN their co-operation instead of "making them" which invites resistance. At 9 they can't be left at home alone, but you can speed things up by: 1) don't micro-manage their morning and shout time warnings at them. It infuriates them and they slow down in response to our insistence on them speeding up. 2) let them know you are ready when ever they are, and then take your coffee and a book and go sit in the car. They will come eventually. This only works if you are not angry, and if you don't push and micromanage. END the fight, instead of winning it. ( yes - leave some extra time for the first few weeks while they get the hang of it) Let me know how it goes! Alyson