BarnMaven's Profile

They grow on you

Maybe it's because I'm tired. I've been involved in a project at work that has been, to say the least, consuming. We are undergoing a major systems upgrade and I'm one of the team leads. The conversion starts tonight, and... Continue reading

Posted Apr 14, 2017 at Barnmaven

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Healing, finally

In the last twelve months I've published three posts. Three. I've written nine. Six posts sit in my drafts folder, unfinished. While I fail at blogging, I succeed majestically at the art of staring at a computer screen, failing to... Continue reading

Posted Nov 22, 2016 at Barnmaven

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Lowering the bar

Its been about three and a half years since I wrote this post, which included some of my birthfamily history and my thoughts about finally putting the past behind me and reaching out to speak to my birthmother. I never... Continue reading

Posted Mar 11, 2016 at Barnmaven

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PT, Redux

I started physical therapy. Again. Third time’s the charm, right? I am trying a different provider this time, and I have to say I’m seeing better results. I chose this after doing some research on a newer technique for connective... Continue reading

Posted Feb 22, 2016 at Barnmaven

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End of the line

My dad passed away last month. Everyone’s been so kind, asking how Mom is doing. She is doing as well as you might expect. Spend 57 years married to someone, even though caring for him the last few years took... Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2016 at Barnmaven

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Larger than Life

I've not written much about my dad here. Our relationship has been, for as long as I can remember, complicated by our similar natures - emotional, prickly, invested. Most of my memories of my dad from my late teens through... Continue reading

Posted Jun 21, 2015 at Barnmaven

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People of the internet, I love you.

My first thought for an opening sentence: Life has sure changed a lot. Then I step back, read that, and think to myself, "Well, duh." This is not news, nor is it particularly stirring as an opening sentence. Change is... Continue reading

Posted May 4, 2015 at Barnmaven

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Some holiday cheer. Not really.

The long list of phrases going through my head these days are simple variations on a theme: “This has been a really hard year.” Even with glimmers of things looking up, there are plenty of days still where I’m not... Continue reading

Posted Dec 16, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Acts of love, acts of cruelty

When my friend Jackie announced her son Alyx's admission to the hospital, his aunt quickly put up a Go Fund Me page here.. It was anticipated that Alyx would have an extensive recovery and lots of medical bills the family... Continue reading

Posted Nov 18, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Screaming at the walls

A much-loved friend is coping with the unimaginable horror of saying goodbye to her 23 year old son this week, which provides very necessary perspective to my own life. I would lose all faith in God except that I never... Continue reading

Posted Oct 31, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Being real

I always thought that Gepetto loved Pinocchio just as he was. I believe that the ending of the story, where Pinocchio becomes real, is more of a metaphor than anything else. I think Pinocchio became a real boy not because... Continue reading

Posted Oct 10, 2014 at Barnmaven

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No.

It was a subtle regression, from broken but hopeful to just broken. I was doing all of the things I believe a good patient is supposed to -- following up with my doctors, diligently going to physical therapy, communicating with... Continue reading

Posted Oct 9, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Not defeat

Accepting a situation is not the equivalent of conceding or admitting defeat. It simply means choosing to control what you can and letting go of what you can't. Trying to control something that you cannot will make you insane. Right... Continue reading

Posted Aug 9, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Fear, Stasis, Transformation

My phobias: Pooping in public bathrooms, spiders, drowning, tornados and confrontation. Spiders, because of obvious reasons. Drowning thanks to my brother and his tendency to hold my head under water whenever we were in a pool together. Tornados? I think... Continue reading

Posted May 2, 2014 at Barnmaven

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But for Grace

I don't think its any kind of secret that I am one of those parents who sees my son's autism not as a problem to be fixed but as simply part and parcel of the person that he is. Yes,... Continue reading

Posted Apr 30, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Introducing LaLa

At about 7 am this morning LaLa made her grand and much-anticipated entrance. Mama went past her due date by more than a week, but I guess we should not have been surprised, since her previous two foals were also... Continue reading

Posted Apr 24, 2014 at Barnmaven

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"What Day is it?" April 1, 2014 edition, Autism and Wandering

Here's a hypothetical for you: Its April 1. You emerge from the shower to find your thirteen year old child nowhere to be found. What's your first thought? If your child is neurotypical, you might think you've been pranked. If... Continue reading

Posted Apr 1, 2014 at Barnmaven

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What day is it?

My alarm went off at 5 am as it always does on a Monday. I hit the 'snooze' twice, as I also always do. I made coffee, made some breakfast, put some dishes in the dishwasher. 5:30, I woke up... Continue reading

Posted Mar 31, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Holding myself up

I'm having a bad week. Nothing is particularly wrong, but nothing seems to quite mesh in a way that allows me to breathe. When the demands of work and parenting and ticking things off the "you need to do this... Continue reading

Posted Mar 28, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Doing it for myself

Photo by Mary H Peret, 2013. Coyote sets a good example for people who need to learn to depend on themselves. Owning your feelings, actions and results can be so challenging at times. Before I began to learn about how... Continue reading

Posted Feb 17, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Extremes and the going to of them

The perfect relationship. The perfect mate. The perfect marriage. SG and I on our wedding day, Nov 2011 Do these things exist? Perhaps they are merely chimeras that distract us from the more distressing realities of adult relationships. When people... Continue reading

Posted Feb 14, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Into the Deafening Silence

I don't know what to write here anymore. I lost my mojo. I lost my will. I have things to say, but fear this is not the place. I have truths to share but I cannot share them without hurting... Continue reading

Posted Feb 4, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Friday's Gratitude

Dear God, I wanted to tell you how much I appreciate you giving people inspiration to create things. For instance, I imagine you planted the notion to create Facebook in the head of one Mr. Zuckerberg. (Unless it wasn't you... Continue reading

Posted Jan 3, 2014 at Barnmaven

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How not to become what you despise

It was an early lunch on a Sunday in Seattle, fifteen-odd years ago. As we enjoyed our meal, the restauarant began to fill up with families in more formal attire. "Everyone's getting out of church," I remarked. One of my... Continue reading

Posted Jan 2, 2014 at Barnmaven

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Baby its cold outside

Happy New Year, friends. Thanks for spending your valuable and precious time reading and commenting here. We've had freezing fog for several days now. Everything outside looks as if it has been flocked, even the sagebrush. Its beautiful and miserable... Continue reading

Posted Dec 31, 2013 at Barnmaven

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