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This was a really useful look behind the curtain. Sucks about the Australian and New Zealand ratings boards, and that we'll be missing out! Where did you get localization done? How extensive was this task? Would a more textual game have much higher localization costs?
Just some things that caught my editing eye: - While I like the frozen burrito line, I wonder if you want a different example to capture the idea of "sneak in a quick game of 60 second shooter". Like it's a quick guilty pleasure rather than something to do while you wait for your delicious burrito (because, following the logic through, once the burrito is done, no more 60-sec shooter because you're eating). - Two instances of "dual-stick shooter" so close to each other is odd and potentially alienating. People who don't know what it is will be happy to overlook one instance, not two in quick succession. - A third of the second paragraph is: "Here's a bunch of not-nice-sounding things" as part of the science gag angle. I'd reframe the entire paragraph to be more positive and punchy: "At Happion Laboratories, our scientists have discovered that 60 seconds is the ideal time period for a sustained adrenaline rush, and for training reflexes and quick-thinking. ". Putting the focus on "60 seconds" helps name retention and gets to the core of the gameplay (which you address in the third paragraph). - I'd trim one or two examples from the third paragraph to make it punchier and avoid problems for newbies who have no context for what you're talking about. I'd omit the second question and make the first question an either-or like the rest of them. I'd trim the "death blossom" question unless you can beef it up to give context ("the awe-inspiring devastation of the death blossom"). - Typographically I'd try to put Moriwaki's quote next to his byline. - I'd separate Moriwaki's quote from your byline with a little editing: Sixty Second Shooter is brought to you by Jamie Fristrom, head of Happion Laboratories and the critically acclaimed Spider-Man 2 and Schizoid. (What's the difference between being acclaimed by critics and being judged worthy for an award?)
Toggle Commented Sep 22, 2012 on What do y'all think of this ad copy? at GameDevBlog
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Sep 22, 2012