"The square root of 69 is 8-somethin', right?" -Drake, What's My Name by Rhianna Yes, Drake, that's right. The square root of 69 is, in fact, 8-something. It's 8.30662386629... Thanks for tossing that out there. The better question is, why are we talking about math right now? Oh I get it, you just learned square roots so you're putting it on display. Here's the thing, though: you're on a song right now, so you can cut that out immediately. Oh, and if you're doing it just for the "69" reference, well, then that's just super dorky. Filed under: Just learned... Continue reading

"She got a FUPA, it don't matter I'm still scoopin' her." - Krizz Kaliko, Pu Wah Wah by Tech N9ne Oh really? That's disgusting, man. Now I have to wait an hour before I eat anything. Filed under: No standards / Disgusting / Worst rhyme ever Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Niggas wanna eat 'cause they ain't ate nothin', but niggas wanna leave when you say you out of mustard." -Lil Wayne, Go DJ Hang on... Are you saying that you know more than one person that is willing to turn down free food because you don't have mustard to serve with this food? Who are you even hanging out with? And what food are you serving that relies so heavily on the mustard accompaniment? Did these people invent mustard? I'm honestly so confused. Filed under: Insulted because they invented mustard Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"See, I'm looking and I'm smelling like Mega Millions." Tony Yayo, Horror Movie Looking like a million bucks is something, but SMELLING like a million bucks? That's disgusting. Filed under: Not something / Worst cologne ever Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"My presence is a present, kiss my ass." -Kanye West, "Monster" You know, this is great because this is exactly what I imagine Kanye saying to his nephew at his birthday party when his nephew asks him if he brought a present for him. Hey Kanye, you know how you have this reputation for being a total fucking dickface? Maybe it's because you say stuff like this. In fact, it's so fucking dick to say even the first part of this sentence, but the "kiss my ass"... That's the dickface coup de grâce. Way to go. Filed under: Worst guy... Continue reading

"We tote big guns, and everybody know somebody that know somebody that know somethin' about it." - Trick Daddy, Let's Go Actually, I don't know anybody who knows anybody who knows anything about this, but I guess I'll just take your word for it. You "tote big guns." Also, who cares. Filed under: Claiming everyone talks about his big guns Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Where you and your mens at?" -Nas, Made You Look This is a good thing to say if you want to start a fight with a bunch of dudes, or what you say on the phone when people are late to your gay orgy. Filed under: Gay orgy off to a bad start Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"I make a million by June, I'm saying fuck July." -Jadakiss, Blood Pressure by The LOX "That's right. I'm gonna go May, June, August." Hey, Jadakiss, Just because you're having a good year doesn't mean you have to take it out on a month. And what do you mean, "Fuck July"? Filed under: Taking anger out on abstract things / Giving up Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Hey yo, we about to take everybody from every street and throw a party in the Grand Canyon, come on!" - Busta Rhymes, Make It Clap THE GRAND CANYON!!! I mean, worst party ever. Do you know how hard it would be to find the actual party? And what do you mean "take everybody from every street"? The criteria for attending this party is you have to... be on a street? So just everyone? Filed under: Basically kidnapping a lot of people Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"I'm retarded." -Yo Gotti, Women Lie Men Lie Well, there's nothing left for me to say, really. Filed under: Retarded Continue reading

"Top a top on top of the top, but yo, nothin' definite." -Cam'Ron, Dip-Set Forever Yeah, nothing's definite, because you definitely didn't say anything that made any sense just now. Filed under: Not saying anything Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"They call me 'Mr. Ravioli', 'Mr. Scrotum', 'Mr. Poke 'Em With the Noodle', 'Mr. Cocker Spaniel in Your Poodle', 'After-School Tutor', 'Roto Rooter'." -Big Gipp, Tomb of the Boom by Outkast First of all.... Too many names. Mr. Scrotum? Shouldn't you be trying harder to keep quiet about this one so maybe one day people will STOP CALLING YOU THIS!? And Mr. RAVIOLI? Oh no no no NOOOOOOOOOO. This is just plain idiotic. Filed Under: Nicknames That Suck Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"I hope that your vagina tight." -Lil Wayne, Turning Me On by Keri Hilson Back on the dating scene, huh Wayne? Might want to take it down a notch. Filed under: Worst conversationalist Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Constantly farting, but I'm really supposed to be shitting on fools." -E40, Behind Gates Let's get one thing straight here. Nobody is SUPPOSED to be shitting on someone else, ever, unless you're in some weird, fucked up orgy. The other thing is, I think there's a chapter in one of Emily Post's Etiquette books about how you're not ever supposed to say "Constantly farting" out loud. But whoops! Too late, you recorded yourself saying it on a song so now everyone can hear it over and over again! Filed under: In a weird, fucked up orgy with gas Posted by... Continue reading

"I make your tightest, hardest rapper brush his teeth with my dick." -Mystikal, It Ain't My Fault 2 by Silkk the Shocker You're actually singling out the best guy from another bunch of guys and telling everyone that you're going to rub your dick back and forth on his teeth. You know that this isn't a cool, right? Not only that, it would be really painful. And finally, this is the gayest thing you can "threaten" another guy with. Filed under: Gay and painful Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Baby, you the whole package, plus you pay your taxes." -B.O.B., Nothin' On You This is way less fun when the lyrics are this practical. Filed under: So practical and reasonable Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"Your girl got her hand on my cock, but I ain’t Will Smith." -The Game, Big Money Ummmm, okay dude. Nobody was talking about Will Smith though, so.... this is fucking weird. Plus, we already know. Nobody was confusing you with Will Smith. This is actually just plain sad to say this in a song where you keep saying, "Everybody know me, it's like I'm a movie star. Everybody know me, it's like I'm a movie star. Everybody know me, it's like I'm a movie star." Filed Under: Wants to be Will Smith so bad / Plain sad Posted by... Continue reading

"I ain't trying to be Bill Gates, I'm trying to be the nigga Bill Gates hates." -Krizz Kaliko, Getcha Life Right Here's one goal which is impossible and another goal which is not that hard and wildly unambitious. Filed under: Worst goal ever. Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"I was born with a dick in my brain." -Eminem, Insane No, you weren't. See ya. Filed under: Literally a dickhead Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading

"My rims are 23s so they old enough to drink." Paul Wall, Thinkin' Thowed "Can I get a gin and tonic and a vodka/cran for my rims over there? I know what you're thinking... yes, they are old enough." Filed under: Didn't happen Posted by Chris Macho Continue reading