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ChrisJ
Columbus, Ohio
Science loving, fiction writing, craft making, gardening mom of three living slightly north of Columbus and slightly left of mainstream.
Interests: gardening, animals, reading, writing, crafts, science, papier mache, three little munchkins, crosswords and much more!
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Words can cut you to the quick, but sometimes the silence hurts more. With dealing with bullying situations, standing by is almost as bad as participating. Standing by, and not speaking up, is giving tacit approval, and giving the aggressor what she wants: power. It perpetuates the behavior and can even cause it to escalate. Giving voice to your concerns or speaking up about bullying behavior is not easy. There is the possibility (or the fear of it) that you will become the next victim. It is also hard to stop something when it seems that everyone is involved, but... Continue reading
Posted Jun 2, 2010 at Ohio Moms Blog
I wrote another blog post about the power of silence--which I think played a very important part in this case (and in all cases of bullying, actually). Too many remained silent. And I think too many adults attributed the bullying to "kids will be kids" or some such. (Maybe not in this specific case--I obviously was not there so I have no place to assume...but that *typically* is the case when bullying goes on.) Again, I am not saying that there should not be repercussions. I fully think *something* should be done...but I also do not think labeling these kids as "bad" serve anyone well. I think, overall, having the kids go to schools and talk about their experiences AS bullies and AS bystanders will help others avoid this behavior. Maybe the example I picked to highlight the dangers of labeling is too polarized and too awful to illustrate my point effectively?
Toggle Commented May 25, 2010 on Bullying the Bullies? at Ohio Moms Blog
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I thought so too, Kirsten! I read your article this morning & thought it was excellent. And I think there should be consequences to their actions, I just think that with the rise in bullying & cyber-bullying community outreach might serve everyone better. And of course, I couldn't agree more about labeling. It hurts us all, and not just in regards to bullying...maybe i picked a bad example.
Toggle Commented May 20, 2010 on Bullying the Bullies? at Ohio Moms Blog
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That is a good question, Nicole, and I don't know the answer. I would hope yes, but who knows.
Toggle Commented May 20, 2010 on Bullying the Bullies? at Ohio Moms Blog
1 reply
I didn't mean to suggest that they should not be held accountable for their actions--they are toeing the line of adulthood and should be taught their actions have consequences. And honestly, I don't know what punishment the courts are seeking, but I argue that counseling & community service might be better than jail time. Teach them to care (if that is possible). I am suggesting, however, that we should be careful with labeling the whole because of a part. We don't throw out the apple because of a brown spot--rather we trim off the bad and save the good. Just like I am more than a mom, they are more than just bullies. I don't know if any of this made much sense--but maybe I clarified a bit?
Toggle Commented May 20, 2010 on Bullying the Bullies? at Ohio Moms Blog
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April, what a horrible thing to have happen, but GOOD FOR YOU for validating your daughter's feelings and taking it a step further. There is a lot of information out there about bullying and Mean Girl behavior. I recommend you get a book by either Cheryl Dellasega, (Girl Wars is a good one) or Rosalind Wisemann (Mean Girls is her book, actually). They are excellent authors and teachers on how to cope with and stand up to this type of behavior. Most of all, she need to feel that she is NOT alone (which you have done as a parent!). Have her connect with other children outside her school district through sports or library activities and let her foster friendships not associated with the school. Be sure she realizes it is not about HER but rather the girl's perceived power. Annie Fox is an anti-bullying activist that talks a lot about this on her blog (you can google her). Good luck and good for you for appreciating what a serious situation this is! (Or can become). You also might want to recommend, gently, some of this reading material to the counselor, because she struck out on this one.
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Interesting and thoughtful point of view. I am guilty of over-extending myself as well. But if you stop doing it, aren't you condemning others to the same fate? Not criticizing, just thinking out loud. Great post. I need to digest this for a bit...
Toggle Commented May 18, 2010 on Just Say NO To Volunteering at LA Moms Blog
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You are so thoughtful on these issues. I appreciate your insight.
Toggle Commented May 18, 2010 on On Baby Birds, Grubs, and Weeds at Ohio Moms Blog
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Thanks everyone. I know it is the right decision for me and my children. @Audrey, I do remember being flabbergasted that my doctor prescribed antidepressants for me when I was in college (early on) "without a blood test or something to PROVE I needed it." Ah, I was so young and naive. I don't know why depression and the ilk are so marginalized in society. Would we look down on someone that needed to take meds for their heart? Or liver? No. So why are psychological meds any different?
Toggle Commented Apr 30, 2010 on Motherhood--on Adderall at Ohio Moms Blog
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Amen, sister. :D I love the way technology allows us to connect and think it is odd that some people think that the internet is creating isolation. Quite the contrary, imo. This way, we get to seek out those we want to spend time with and find ways to meet irl. I can guarantee that, without the internet, I would be friendless. Seriously. Thanks for an article well written.
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