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Courtney (Playwright/Storyteller)
Brooklyn, New York
http://www.courtneyantonioli.com
Recent Activity
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AND THAT IS OKAY. By: Courtney Antonioli (Storytelling/Playwright) Holidays. The lights are nice. The trees smell good. The snow falls at the right time of night sometimes and it feels magical. But sometimes, the holidays suck. They just do. And you know what, that's okay. One thing is for certain, it will all end and start again. You just gotta make it there. Courtney Antonioli is a playwright, storyteller, and producer living in NYC. Recent projects includes Stay Golden, her rebooting The Golden Girls in 2015 www.courtneyantonioli.com EMAIL HER | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR Continue reading
Posted Dec 23, 2015 at Crazytown
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10 YEARS AGO WE WEREN'T PUTTING SIGNS ON DOORS. By: Courtney Antonioli (Storytelling/Playwright) When did we have to start putting up signs for obvious things? Like no dogs welcome in stores. Seriously people. When did we have to start putting signs up on the doors of stores for the most obvious things? What is next? Do not pee in aisles. Items should be paid for before eaten. Do not stab people. Don't fight with your boyfriend/girlfriend in the store in person, on phone, via skype, google hangouts. Courtney Antonioli is a playwright, storyteller, and producer living in NYC. Recent projects... Continue reading
Posted Dec 16, 2015 at Crazytown
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WHY DO PEOPLE NOT BELIEVE YOU WHEN YOU TELL THEM SOMETHING? By: Courtney Antonioli (Storytelling/Playwright) Has anyone ever experienced the phenomenon of being in line at a store and something isn't working like the register the scanner the lady ahead is waiting on a price check for an eternity And someone comes up and tries to do/use that said thing and since like, you are the senior in that moment and them the freshman you decide to do the statesman like thing and say hey, that is broken. But they don't listen? The just ignore you, like you have no... Continue reading
Posted Dec 9, 2015 at Crazytown
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ALL MY OTHER SKILLS AREN'T REAL. By: Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Here are skills that I think people should start listing on their resume: Pretending to not hear the office phone ring by concentrating really hard -- demonstrates intent and intensity. Discussing things that bother me about others to my closest coworkers -- I can communicate with specifics my needs Multi-tasking aka facebooking/gchatting/tweeting/instagramming people I know Creating content ... whatever that means Writing stuff down I think other people will like but I don't really care about Showing up to meetings with a pile of printouts that make me look important... Continue reading
Posted Dec 2, 2015 at Crazytown
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PARTY ALL NIGHT LONG WITH THAT NO MONEY OF YOURS By: Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) "Oh you must have so much free time now." "You can sleep in as late!" "You'll have time to do all the things you want to do." "You are so lucky. You don't have to work." "You should find something you like and do that for a little while. Take time for yourself." Take this "opportunity." You know what unemployment IS NOT? It is not a vacation. In NYC, the max without taxes being taken out you can receive in benefits is $425 now. Up a... Continue reading
Posted Nov 25, 2015 at Crazytown
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BECAUSE NO THOUGHT IS SAFE FROM UNEMPLOYMENT. By: Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Courtney Antonioli is a playwright, storyteller, and producer living in NYC. Recent projects includes Stay Golden, her rebooting The Golden Girls in 2015 www.courtneyantonioli.com EMAIL HER | FACEBOOK | TWITTER | OTHER POSTS BY THIS AUTHOR Continue reading
Posted Nov 18, 2015 at Crazytown
Q&A time. By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Q: Where do you see yourself in five years? A: What you really want to know is, will I still be at this job in five years, right? This literally has no bearing on whether I can do this job. I don't know where I am going to be, why are you asking me this shitty question? Q: What's your greatest strength? A: Pretending to care when I really don't. Q: Tell us about yourself. A: Did you even read my resume or cover letter? Q: Name a time when you had a conflict... Continue reading
Posted Nov 11, 2015 at Crazytown
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Why do companies think I don't deserve to make as much money? By: Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) The common thing to happen on job postings, aside from the endless list of vomit inducing adjectives used to describe the perfect candidate for the position, (SPOILER: there is no perfect person. You will not find one person with all those qualities. And asking people to be both independent and work on a team who can be a go-getter but also a follower makes no sense) Job descriptions don’t list salary. They list the 9,876 tasks and job responsibilities that you will have during... Continue reading
Posted Nov 4, 2015 at Crazytown
By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Hi. My name is Courtney. I'm applying because I'm unemployed. Obviously. If you want to know if I can write, please use these words as an example that I can put words into sentences. I will not check email at home and I do take an hour lunch every day. However, I'll give you my focus and skills for the amount of time you actually pay me. That's something, right? I'm like Bed, Bath and Beyond. I have a lot of items on the shelves, I'm not actually sure how much inventory there is in my... Continue reading
Posted Oct 28, 2015 at Crazytown
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Why do job descriptions make it so you can't get a job? By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Unemployment. A swirling limbo of anxiety and exhaustion mixed with an IHOP sized helping of what the fuck on top. I’m not the kind of person who can cobble together a bunch of jobs and feel okay. Granted, I’ve been doing a bunch of random things – cat sitting, personal training, working with people cleaning their houses, running summer camps …. But I prefer consistent work. I’ve been consistently unemployed for about 7 months now. Over 350 applications that I’ve counted, sometimes I don’t... Continue reading
Posted Oct 21, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) I moved to New York City. I began missing my car immediately. Not because I liked driving with the windows down. Listening to the radio. Seat warmers. So much storage. Not having to carry a back pack everywhere I walk. Air conditioning. The freedom. Clearly there is some yearning. No. I missed my car because it had the best light and I totally plucked my mustache in my car. Regularly. Hell I even kept tweezers in the console, that's how serious I was. The light was amazing. The seat high enough. I could move the mirror... Continue reading
Posted Oct 14, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) You know when you are sitting in a room and some people get up to leave? They leave in a group. No direct eye contact or inviting gestures. They look like hypnotized humans and you’re looking around like, what, I wasn’t good enough to be mind controlled too? Let’s be real. They know you know they are actually going to talk about you. And you know they know and they just don’t care. I think its common decency to attempt to hide it. A little. I’m not saying bake the person a pie, hand it to... Continue reading
Posted Oct 7, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) I’ve been harboring a mild obsession with the way people are dressed. Not in the “oh my god you look uh-maze-ing” kind of way. More of the "ohhhhh. so that’s what it takes” kind of way. As I commute to my temp job, I ask myself, do they dress that way because they got the job or they got the job because they dress that way? The fact is, I'm not sure. Clothes are such an essential part of a “career” for so many sectors of the working world that I fear most will probably be... Continue reading
Posted Sep 30, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Why do things look better on other people? Its like when a sandwhich tastes better when someone else made it. It is a truth Leather pants. Sunglasses. Hair. Tan Any dress ever made on the planet over all of time. Party hats. Lululemon workout pants. Fingernail polish. Boobs. Just to name a few. Of course. I just see other people and I’m like, fuck you for looking so good in that. I put it on? I look like wet coffee grinds stuck to a fly strip that got stuck in the backseat of a minivan filled... Continue reading
Posted Sep 23, 2015 at Crazytown
When the line keeps getting pushed back, was there ever a line? By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) I started off this buy saying “I have always suffered with the inability to know when to stop.” I wrote all of this and returned to the opening sentence again because it did not feel right. Maybe it is the word “inability”. To me, it implies that I am not aware of my abilities; Courtney is not cognizant of the choices she makes. That isn’t true. I am aware. I am a twisted kind of aware that I keep going. I know when I... Continue reading
Posted Sep 13, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Maybe you have glaucoma I tell myself that when I see a person wearing sunglasses in non-sunglasses zones. Not a hangover, but glaucoma. Because only a person with a legitimate medical eye condition should/would/could be wearing sunglasses in all the places you shouldn’t. I’m not talking subways. I’m talking: To you sir who wore those shades to that internship interview. In the bathroom To the lady wearing them at the hotel indoor pool at 8:30 pm Inside the haunted house? Really? Inside? Like literally everywhere that is not a sunny day outside. I have to give... Continue reading
Posted Sep 2, 2015 at Crazytown
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Don’t be afraid to cry on that subway. Or in line. Or at the flea market. I’m not. By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Tom Hanks told everyone there is no crying in baseball. We’ve invented waterproof makeup to withstand a tear tsunami. I had a boss tell me not to cry – even after that boss obliterates your life through a series of passive aggressive and undermining tactics that results in your renewed interest in therapy aka you no longer know what to do with yourself. There are so many reasons not to cry and yet an equal amount of reasons... Continue reading
Posted Aug 26, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Oh man. Let's talk about the indignant rage I acquire, some level up shit in a multi-player RPG, when I find out a person beats me to the action I was going to take against them before I took that action. I'm totally screaming into the team's headset smashing down the controller all: Granted. I had every intention of doing it to you, pal. But that's not the point. Or the point I'll mention to people when I tell them the story to show what a kumquat you are so they side with me more than... Continue reading
Posted Aug 19, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) I've spent a good portion of my summer (thanks unemployment) working in summer camps. The longest stint being at an all-girls sleep away camp for several weeks. I imagined lots of smiles, hair braiding, bonding. Nope. I did not get any of that. Instead, I got a tsunami of: Seriously. All girls. All day. I started to wonder, was I like that when I was 13-17? I hope not. Oh god I hope not. But now I am beginning to question all I remember. Why isn't there a law here you can smack the crazy out... Continue reading
Posted Aug 12, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Ever have any of the following happen: You get a quote that says, well our real price is $500. But I can apply a 20% discount to this item for you. Restaurants offer any item that you can get in three different sizes -- small, medium, large – for the same price? Like $1 drinks. Something that says “actual retail value is $89.99” on some sticker but their listed price is $40. A place that tells you oh you know that is actually our discounted price, but we normally charge you $1,000 per hour. How is... Continue reading
Posted Aug 5, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Some people like to be outside for five hours, running 10+ miles of hills or mountains or trails and then periodically throwing themselves in freezing cold water, getting electrocuted, running up a half pipe and fall flat on their face, and so much more. And some people do not like this. Or consider it fun. So when the "I like to carry fifty pounds of rocks on my shoulders up a mountain through fire" person tells the "I prefer to not do any of that wild shit" person they are signing up (again), these are usually... Continue reading
Posted Jul 29, 2015 at Crazytown
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Is most of writing really talking about writing to other people? I hope not. By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) In March 2014 I moved to Brooklyn after an extensive stay in Connecticut. Which really means my whole life until I was twenty eight. I made it out before thirty, so that feels like a triumph alone. You know the drill. You got to get out of that town you are living in because otherwise you are probably going to die there. Oh. And you write. So you move to New York. Will make good words on paper. People will read paper... Continue reading
Posted Jul 22, 2015 at Crazytown
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By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Sometimes it feels like everyone in the world has friends but you. You spend a lot of time staring at that phone, waiting for something to arrive. Anything. I think we can all feel that way sometimes. Like everyone around you has their “group”. And they have fun all the time. Always hanging out. Everything is amazing. So. Much. Interaction. And then one day you meet someone new and you are like, we can be friends! And you do hang out. Maybe once or twice. They even invite you to hang out with their group of... Continue reading
Posted Jul 15, 2015 at Crazytown
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Asking someone if they are good at something makes no sense. By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) Having conversations with people can be: Enlightening Infuriating The kind of confusing where you thought you were both talking about the same thing … then realize you aren’t …. Surprising So inspirational you consider changing your whole life. Then realize no, you aren’t going to do that. Then check your phone. Exciting Rage filled scream matches where you say every single hurtful thing you can think of. Boring Super awkward to the point of painful Then there are conversations where someone just says something bizarre.... Continue reading
Posted Jul 8, 2015 at Crazytown
How people ask for "spare change" is changing and I'm not sure how I feel about it. By Courtney Antonioli (Playwright/Storyteller) On a Tuesday afternoon I took the C train from the Franklin Avenue stop in Brooklyn to Manhattan. A stop later a woman. She addressed the train, Ladies and Gentleman … and I recognized her voice immediately. I could not see her face, her back was to me, but I knew that voice. The times I have seen her she is asking for money. Her story is a little different than others I have heard. She explains to the... Continue reading
Posted Jul 1, 2015 at Crazytown