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Eli Underwood
I'm so into you.
Interests: Words, vox, images, recovery
Recent Activity
We shouldn't have to expose our traumas publicly to get respect. Framing abortion as traumatic isn't the whole truth. Usually abortion is an obvious, healthy, angst-free choice. Trust me, a lot of women who don't want to be pregnant don't agonize the choice. My abortion was the product of rape, my decision was CLEAR, I have no shame, zip zero. Yes, it required emotional processing but ok, I'm not haunted. It didn't fuck me up like being raped fucked me up, duh. It was a choice toward FREEDOM, and I'm happy I had it to take. Framing abortion as "agonizing"... Continue reading
Posted Jun 7, 2021 at LOVER
We shouldn't have to expose our traumas publicly to get respect. Framing abortion as traumatic isn't the whole truth. Usually abortion is an obvious, healthy, angst-free choice. Trust me, a lot of women who don't want to be pregnant don't agonize the choice. My abortion was the product of rape, my decision was CLEAR, I have no shame, zip zero. Yes, it required emotional processing but ok, I'm not haunted. It didn't fuck me up like being raped fucked me up, duh. It was a choice toward FREEDOM, and I'm happy I had it to take. Framing abortion as "agonizing"... Continue reading
Posted Jun 7, 2021 at LOVER
It never happened they say. The self-proclaimed holy places that were to save our stolen children's souls. We don't need books to know the truth. There are no words to describe The dark horrific unspoken things that showed through in my Uncle's eyes. He held in his Mother tongue, Afraid even as an old feeble man, Of that Matron who vowed to kill the Indian and save the man. Sleepless nights, We're just a couple of the coping mechanisms that gave him moments of not reliving the days he tried to wash away. It was all Stolen time. Stolen lives.... Continue reading
Posted May 31, 2021 at LOVER
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"The thing about doing hurtful things to me is that I'm a writer," Saeed Jones Continue reading
Posted May 28, 2021 at LOVER
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some of my Care Circle who literally carried me through having Covid and cancer - anything good I do, I do for them xox onward xox Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2021 at LOVER
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Whether it’s true that the moth mistakes the candle’s flame for the moon or the bioluminescent pheromones of another moth, I can’t say. I was the candle. I was the flame conceived in and by reason of darkness, nibbling on a darkening wick. When moth after moth after moth swarmed me with their powdery wings, I asked why. I asked how. I asked if I could survive knowing that not everything has a reason, that not everything is capable of or interested in reason. Nothing answered. Nothing spoke my language of smoke. Continue reading
Posted May 25, 2021 at LOVER
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Running Orders (Lena Khalaf Tuffaha) They call us now, before they drop the bombs. The phone rings and someone who knows my first name calls and says in perfect Arabic “This is David.” And in my stupor of sonic booms and glass-shattering symphonies still smashing around in my head I think, Do I know any Davids in Gaza? They call us now to say Run. You have 58 seconds from the end of this message. Your house is next. They think of it as some kind of war-time courtesy. It doesn’t matter that there is nowhere to run to. It... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2021 at LOVER
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Caravan the dreams Hey, get ready Am I anywhere real Mastectomy/abscission Labyrinthine alacrity To transition north For the record Crows crows crows And raven Onward means onward What hunger is for It's time to break down New ways but love stays Well my heart is my heart Sails on oceans, sky Cascading earthward Something else always happens And slowly we lose feeling Parts we loved and didn't Peeling off into the ether Beholden to time, no body free Teeth, skin, movement, vision, all Sheds off in stages To become the finest bone Pure thread of energy Down to the essence... Continue reading
Posted May 17, 2021 at LOVER
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y'all my bff who was in the hospital with me sent me a transcript of everything I said pre-op and I just gotta say: I'm hilarious. It started with my very passionate sermon on how people should celebrate getting mauled to death by wild animals, "Listen Lee, if I ever get killed in the wild by a bear or shark, celebrate it. I would actually love to go that way. An elephant, mountain lion, even a vulture, anything wild. It would be restitution for the sins we've wrecked upon the Earth and then they'd just eat me and it'll be... Continue reading
Posted May 7, 2021 at LOVER
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Veronica painted my altar she makes medcine Continue reading
Posted Apr 19, 2021 at LOVER
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I AM THIS WOMAN ©Cathouse_LongRoadPublishing Continue reading
Posted Apr 8, 2021 at LOVER
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I've never related to a thing that can't go anywhere quite like I do right now. Poor ship. Continue reading
Posted Apr 2, 2021 at LOVER
We meet at a coffee shop. So much time has passed and who is time? Who is waiting by the windowsill? We make plans to go to a museum but we go to a bookshop instead. We’re leaning in, learning how to talk to each other again. I say, I’m obsessed with my grief and she says, I’m always in mourning. She laughs and it’s an extension of her body. She laughs and it moves the whole room. I say, My home is an extension of my body and she says, Most days are better with a long walk. The... Continue reading
Posted Mar 24, 2021 at LOVER
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"If you have looked hard at the manner of things, if you have surveyed the troubles of our time, and cannot discover a way forward, do not despair. Do better. Grieve: mount an altar to the sensuous feelings of loss that swim through you. In the stinging fumes that redden the eyes, you might partly recover a clear vision of where to go. You might come to see that forward movement is no longer possible in these moments, and that the way to go was never forward anyway – but awk-ward: into the blackness of catacombs, into the shadows of... Continue reading
Posted Mar 16, 2021 at LOVER
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let me tell you about when Frida Kahlo visited me. Detroit, 1987, 4th Street. What season was it, honestly there's no telling. It wasn't winter. Or it wasn't spring? Probably October, maybe. Everything great happens in October. It could've been late summer tho - those Michigan late summers that feel like you're living in the bosom of the earth, lush. I was laying on the mattress that was my bed which was stacked on a box spring on the floor. Wooden floor, wooden walls, wooden house. Cracked bay window, filled with a drum set. Yes, my bedroom is where my... Continue reading
Posted Mar 16, 2021 at LOVER
Posted Mar 11, 2021 at LOVER
Before you know what kindness really is you must lose things, feel the future dissolve in a moment like salt in a weakened broth. What you held in your hand, what you counted and carefully saved, all this must go so you know how desolate the landscape can be between the regions of kindness. How you ride and ride thinking the bus will never stop, the passengers eating maize and chicken will stare out the window forever. Before you learn the tender gravity of kindness you must travel where the Indian in a white poncho lies dead by the side... Continue reading
Posted Mar 7, 2021 at LOVER
Posted Mar 4, 2021 at LOVER
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"A Girl Reflects" ©EAU "You said you'd be back" A circle or a bounce New worlds erupting In the belly of hopelessness All the rage and grief Linger in the trouble You might hear music Bay, mint, sea salt, coconut oil, rosewater Longing for a stranger's body Birds, fallen flowers in the dirt Sillage from the ions How to talk about the body Increasingly delicate and absurd Separations dissolve into ripeness, intimate Nooks and crannies Deep origins of molecules Always be my calling When the soil becomes a fine mist Does life become perceptible To which I belong I am... Continue reading
Posted Feb 28, 2021 at LOVER
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some great news: my heart is in EXCELLENT shape both my parents, & their parents on down, died of heart attacks/disease. But despite genetics, other health issues, and having Covid, my Calcium Scan showed ZERO damage my doctor said they never see that! wow I LOVE my heart, and have obsessively done heart work my entire life, visualizing/hugging/praising my heart - working for and from my heart. And I've been mostly vegetarian for decades, eat lots of omegas, garlic & onions, don't drink or smoke. I've also been in devoted trauma recovery psychotherapy for years, and meditate, exercise, pray. Not... Continue reading
Posted Feb 26, 2021 at LOVER
we will wear new bones again. we will leave these rainy days, break out through another mouth into sun and honey time. worlds buzz over us like bees, we be splendid in new bones. other people think they know how long life is. how strong life is. we know. — Lucille Clifton, from "an ordinary woman" Continue reading
Posted Feb 24, 2021 at LOVER
Posted Feb 23, 2021 at LOVER
Posted Feb 15, 2021 at LOVER
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24yrs ago today, I found my beautiful Arun dead, and lost something so precious. He was brilliant, a scholar, rascal, giant in my life. He was the only person here for me then. After him, a solitude I'd never imagined - the depths, the vast emptiness where he'd been. I'm blessed to have loved him, been loved by him, to have survived, gifts. This pic of me is from the morning of that day - Mardi Gras, I found him that night. I was Amelia Earhart, back when you didn't have to be a master crafter to costume, you could... Continue reading
Posted Feb 11, 2021 at LOVER