Jodi I hate to say this but I say trust your gut. I have friends in our neighborhood going through the same thing and they are being pulled one way and another -- it's just awful to watch. And YOU...I know you are a great mother and understand Michael. You didn't fail Michael the schools did. In public school you have access to a lot of support - it's the law, (I have some nerve telling that to a lawyer) and you can leverage it. ALSO at least they aren't trying to medicate him. Kids, and especially boys, develop at different paces and different parts of them develop at different speeds. As his advocate you can remind these teachers of that; they should have been working with him on his circle time issues; preschool is meant to help socialize kids and help them learn to use scissors and not eat paste and teachers are supposed to support that socialization not throw up their hands and yell at the parents. SO do what you believe and what feels right. Michael will survive these early adventures and so will you. He has the blessing of an incredibly strong and loving family and that's the biggest thing of all.

WOW Debbie! I wrote a version of this on my blog and my son's best friend really let me have it - says people his age don't even pay attention to what time anything is on - it's just "stuff on the Tivo." Isn't that an interesting alternate idea? .

My husband tells me that I see this everywhere, but I would have Holden evaluated for learning issues. Kids who refuse work and don't always listen often need help. Our son went through a lot before we had him tested and so I tend in that direction but it can't hurt to do some simple ADD/small muscle tests especially since this is apparently a family trait among boys. When my son was three he took a test for Hunter elementary school in Manhattan. He scored 99.9 in the verbal and somewhere between 6 and 10 in "figure completion" which is writing. If we had paid attention then we could have spared him a lot. If you do it though, use an Ed Psych person NOT a neurologist. You can contact me if you want Steph - I am more expert than I wish in all this. PS My son is now a college educated, very successful adult.

Oh Joan how lovely. Aren't we lucky! (Oh, and Dan is just as you suspect.)

I know what you mean. It was a treasure moment. Thanks for noticing.

This is spectacular! No surprise though. And I love love love your (I don't know how new) pic.

OH Cynthia! That's something to cherish and descried so perfectly. As someone (as you know) whose son was married just a few weeks ago, it was particularly poignant. These passages are so intense - sharing them is a real gift.

It's so nice to see that these feelings are shared; that so many of us have the privilege of sharing the pleasures of the wonderful adults our kids have become!

Oh my goodness, this is just wonderful! Have you read The Mother-Daughter Book Club? I loved reading to my kids too - it's a special intimacy. Now they're grown and send me books. I would never have read one of my VERY favorites, The Amazing Adventures of Kavalier and Clay. It's one of the ways grown-up kids make up for all the cuddly stuff we miss from when they were little - they become wonderful peers.

I loved it. My primary descriptor, strangely enough, would be "sweet." I felt a lot of understanding for the passing of time and the wisdom that comes with it - and loved Nimoy's appearance as well as Ben Cross, of Chariots of Fire, as Spock's father. It was lovely, I thought. And contrary to my worries, I didn't keep seeing Sylar in Spock. That's a credit to Quinto.

You go girl! I love the power of the women, and their intelligence and collaboration. And that the evil Topher looks like a teddy bear. And that Whedon is loyal to his great Buffy/Angel stars like Dushku and Acker. If you ever went through his shows for people who went on to bigger glory, you'd need a long piece of paper.

Boy am I with you! We raised one child in Manhattan and the other in Manhattan and then LA. Manhattan is far and away the better way to raise a child. Everything you listed is true, and more. I think they learned so much more about so many kinds of people and so many kinds of lives: privilege and hardship, public and private, arty or scientific or just plain cerebral. It's a great adventure of a life!

Oh boy do I know that feeling! I'm in DC and have one in San Francisco and one in London! It's just how the world is these days and we really use IM, Facebook, email and other stuff to stay connected. It will always feel far but you will get used to it. Our kids are always glad to see us (I think) and never seem to feel we are intruding (too much) so I guess that's the benefit of it. You're right I think to be happy for your son's good fortune where work is concerned. It's a tough market and if he's got a good job more power to him. One of our good friends the age of our older son went to SF from NY and moved back when he was ready to get married. So maybe yours will too. But for our kids in the tech biz the west appears to be the best. Thanks for sharing this. OH and saving up miles like Stephanie - very smart!

You're right; I know there are often problems. I kept both ovaries and am certain that that limited the impact; I probably should have said so. I had no choice and I would always recommend a second opinion but given the misery and pain many women experience, it can also be a real godsend.

wOW. I remember that pain. I am so glad I did what I did; it's so hard to know that it's coming every month. You're very smart about your daughter. It took me a long time to learn the same lesson. Kudos.

You all are right. I guess I'm writing about my end, the political end, of the boomers -- Vietnam era. Good point. Stereotypically though I would argue that the early boomers are the ones they've been ranting about. Interesting to think further about...

It's fun to hear this conversation. Part of me feels it really IS someone else's turn; the other doesn't want to be left out of the most exciting time in decades. It's good to hear other, wiser voices on the subject.

Wow. You just brought into my mind the "I'm bored." "Only boring people are bored." conversation of my own childhood. It's an interesting question you ask. My husband, a kid shrink, used to say that you could raise you kid any non-damaging way as long as you were consistent. I'm betting that's right.

Wow name twin, that's a really great meditation on this process. I've been cavalier about it all for a long time, but that's getting harder and harder to do. Thanks for this great perspective.

Well. I had all those resolutions too. Fortunately my husband is a Disney junkie so I was over-ruled. Glad, too. Watching happy kids (mine and others) greeting Mickey, riding with rapture on Dumbo and, in later years, on Space Mountain and the Splash version - all great. Altho. Right before #1 went to college we went to Disneyland. We were living in LA then; it was easy. He wore his new Grateful Dead tee shirt. When we went on Splash Mt he took it off so it wouldn't get wet. And guess what? We tried to buy the photo - you know, the splashy one with hands in the air on the way down the last descent, and they wouldn't sell it to us. Last trip before college, and no sale. Because WE DON'T SELL PHOTOS WITH SHIRTS OFF. Honest. They do have their ways there.....

This may be the funniest thing on the Web for weeks. Especially for anyone in a long marriage. Just great and so well-described. I think it's hard-wiring personally.

What kind words Donna! It was such a great feeling for me, since this is the first time in so long that I won't be going to the conventions, to pass some of my experiences along... a real privilege to do it with such fabulous women. We are all so lucky to be able to find and know one another! Call me with questions.

Cindy as someone a bit past this I can tell you that it 's a pendulum. Once I got a call from a globe-trotting adult son ---Mom I found a family photo I was using for a bookmark in this old book I brought and... I just wanted my mommy." Self-sufficient, smart and productive, sometimes they do return for refueling - just often enough to be sweet but not worrisome... What a mystery is the life of a mom, no? But the best mystery ever!

Oh Donna do you bring back memories! My older son was dyslexic so we started early with an Apple 2+ in the early 80s and about 900 versions of WordPerfect. It made a huge difference in his educational life, by the way. The whole family ended up wired; Daddy got the best machine and when he got a new one everyone else inherited the nexy one above. Later of course our sons passed us by on the hardware but I was the Internet pioneer - when they thought it would never amount to anything. Of course I heard Michael Eisner say that too at the Superhighway Summit in 199something at UCLA. I so love the Web. I worked a long time at iVillage and have always been convinced it is a women's medium -- connect, communicate, care for your sister. My favorite "kid" comment is "YOU have a FACEBOOK account???????" Oh yes, my lad, and so much more..... Thanks for evoking all this.