I think this is one of the reason problems exacerbate in close relationships. Let's say that a husband has offended his wife in some way by his behavior. She says, "I forgive you," but really hasn't in her heart. He moves on. Meanwhile, she may be emotionally punishing him because she still hasn't forgiven from the heart. Something may set her off and then, she brings it up again. He feels blind-sided because he thought she had forgiven him. She feels slighted because he's so defensive. And the problem grows worse. But what would that same situation look like if at the outset she'd said, "Thank you so much for apologizing. I want to forgive you but I'm really working through some emotions right now and am not quite there yet. Can we discusss this a little more?" or "Can you give me a little time to work through these hard feelings?" In that situation, he's been honored for his courage to apologize. He knows her heart to move toward forgiveness. But he also knows the reality of what's going on inside her. They can discuss those things that are still nagging at her or they both can take some time in prayer first. They are both on the same page.

I think also there is within us a very real sense and need for justice. Often we misunderstand forgiveness, thinking that forgiveness and justice are mutually exclusive--when they are not. God tells us that vengeance belongs to him. I think if we realized more that wrong will always meet with pure justice, whether that's justice fulfilled on the cross or justice in a final day of reckoning, it would be easier to move toward extending forgiveness.

Thanks for the great introduction and review. I'll be checking in frequently today if anyone has thoughts, questions or comments.

It sort of reminds me of Jonathan Swift's "A Modest Proposal" only in this case, the speaker isn't being satirical.