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Some non-monogamy advocates -- not many, but some -- would argue that the right to make your own decisions about how to spend your own time extends to having sex with other people. I would suggest that this right is a universal human one. However, when you consensually enter into a monogamous relationship, you are effectively giving up certain rights in exchange for those explicit "guarantees" that are supposed to come along with it, i.e. you will only have a sexual relationship with that one person, you will stay with them forever, etc. And there's nothing wrong with this. It is a consensual agreement just as valid as any other relationship structure. So from that standpoint, monogamy is absolutely fair. The end result is exactly what you expect to get out of it. What wouldn't be "fair" would be cheating or otherwise violating the agreements made as part of the relationship. And if the relationship agreement was that there would be no outside sex, then that would apply equally to "professional" or "amateur" sex. The bottom line is that these areas need to be explored and discussed with your partner(s) prior to their becoming an issue, monogamous or not. What's a reasonable expectation for one person might be anathema to another and assumptions can't be made regarding them. If there are differences, well, that's what negotiation is for. That, or nude baby-oil wrestling.
Toggle Commented Apr 20, 2011 on Is Monogamy Fair? at Greta Christina's Blog
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Apr 20, 2011