Judy McGuire's Profile

A Wildly Incomplete Eulogy for Sylvia

Sylvia and I met in the nineties—just a few months after my mom died of cancer. I had watched in anger as my mom’s friends, and even some family members, abandoned her, putting off hospital visits until it was too... Continue reading

Posted Apr 19, 2018 at Bad Advice

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Treating the elderly like they are toddlers is one of my pet peeves. I am the healthcare proxy for a 95-year-old woman who is a dear friend. I take her to the doctors and inevitably, the doctor talks to me. I redirect them to my friend since she is the fucking patient. Ugh. Nurses are always better about not pulling that shit.

Commented Nov 16, 2015 on YOU KNOW SOMEONE IN THE HOSPTAIL AND YOU DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO? at How was your day, Dan?

Elvis has left the building.

On July 17, Elvis, Spyro, Inky, Mitzi, Oscar and I packed up the apartment and moved from Williamsburg, Brooklyn to Jackson Heights, Queens. While Williamsburg has been the butt of five bazillion jokes, I was born in New Jersey, so... Continue reading

Posted Jul 30, 2014 at Bad Advice

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Goodbye, Julian

My friend Julian died on Friday, January 10. His memorial service is today and I read this (though I did not project the silly selfie I talked him into): There are so many things to love about Julian— His intellect,... Continue reading

Posted Jan 13, 2014 at Bad Advice

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Holidays, Schmolidays. . . .

Thanksgiving has never been my favorite holiday. A day devoted to eating turkey and giving thanks? Eh. I don't loathe it, like I do the Fourth of July or New Year's, but it's more of a shrug than a must-have.... Continue reading

Posted Dec 2, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Stress!

Why can't I handle stress by working out obsessively like Henry Rollins does? I mean, if his abs are any indicator, he's pretty stressed. Or maybe the gym is his idea of fun. Me, I'm sitting here in yoga pants... Continue reading

Posted Nov 21, 2013 at Bad Advice

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The search for the perfect caftan

I would first like to remind anyone who happens to be reading, that I am not a fashion blogger. I don't even play one on TV. I did recently write a story about wishing I could go back to dressing... Continue reading

Posted Nov 13, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Vacation!

When the going gets tough, the tough move their asses to Provincetown for a couple days. This is the night view from the deck of our hotel. In the morning the sound of seagulls wakes us up—that and the intense... Continue reading

Posted Sep 24, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Do you know this guy?

The dude on the right. We think he's the new owner or one of their representatives. The one on the left is the "appraiser" who tried to get into a couple of our apartments this morning. Never mind that they... Continue reading

Posted Sep 17, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Confirmed!

They're everywhere. Oversized, glass and plastic condos, filled with people I feel like I loathe, though I'm sure most are perfectly fine and I'm just being a resentful bitch because I'm being priced out of my neighborhood. After much elusiveness,... Continue reading

Posted Sep 15, 2013 at Bad Advice

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This is how it starts. . .

Shady surveyors out front, measuring your building with their weird little gadgets and lying about being from the "insurance company." Groups of Hasidim congregating in your normally um, unenlightened-when-it-comes-to-other-cultures, landlord's apartment, and the strange guy she moved in across the... Continue reading

Posted Sep 11, 2013 at Bad Advice

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My friend Kiki T is the Astrosexologist and she'll...

My friend Kiki T is the Astrosexologist and she'll tell you not only what the week has in store, but what you should be wearing. (Note to Kiki: I don't care if he's an Aries too, I'm NOT wearing Tommy... Continue reading

Posted Sep 9, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Celebrate 100 episodes of The Mike & Judy Show!

I hope you'll come hang out with me and Mike Edison at Jimmy's No. 43 in the East Village, tomorrow, September 5, at 7pm, as we slap ourselves on the back for 100 big episodes of The Mike & Judy... Continue reading

Posted Sep 4, 2013 at Bad Advice

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The end of an era

Today is the last day my Dategirl column will run in the Seattle Weekly. I can't even believe it lasted for thirteen years, but there you go. I think it was often funny, sometimes embarrassing to read later on, but... Continue reading

Posted Aug 28, 2013 at Bad Advice

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A few things I've learned from reading STFU Parents (and kinda wish I hadn't)

In case you missed the fantastic STFU Parents book party the other night—the above is a photo of the seriously creepy party cake—this is the piece I wrote and read for the event. (Though that cake isn't as creepy as... Continue reading

Posted Apr 5, 2013 at Bad Advice

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You should listen to this

"Venice" is the latest album from Billy Hough, as Scream Along with Billy. It's available on Valentine's Day and I think you'll love it. I realize it's February and I haven't blogged since December. Why is that? Am I depressed?... Continue reading

Posted Feb 12, 2013 at Bad Advice

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Christmas cheer, don't jeer!

As I may have mentioned, I just got back from Paris . . . well, I guess it's nearly a month now. The glow has vanished as quickly as my savings did, but hey, who wants to ride out their... Continue reading

Posted Dec 19, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Toilet Triptych

This is what happens when you decide to get three cats. You no longer get to have solo bathroom visits. If you take longer than about a minute, everyone piles on in and hangs out. Nobody really gets along, so... Continue reading

Posted Dec 12, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Thanksgiving in Paris

I really did not want to come home. I can't believe it took me five million years to finally get to Paris and even after spending a week there, I feel like I only saw a teeny tiny slice. Everyone... Continue reading

Posted Dec 11, 2012 at Bad Advice

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From the mixed-up files. . . .

First off, could this kitten possibly be any cuter? I think not. If you're interested in adopting, please contact me. I'm fostering and while saying goodbye is going to be like a knife to the heart, three cats in one... Continue reading

Posted Nov 12, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Why I love a granny panty

I had a bad day this past Monday and my underwear had a lot to do with this. I was wearing a cute new dress and a pair of hipster briefs that may have been a little past their expiration... Continue reading

Posted Sep 13, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Brooklyn Based Interviewed Me!

Check out the second listing for my book. $128.72. Where'd they get that number from? I'm talking about the book, because today I was interviewed by David Chiu at Brooklyn Based! They also had me come up with a few... Continue reading

Posted Aug 7, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Remembering Fran (my mom)

My mom died twenty years ago today, August 3, 1992. I was 28, she was 54. I was talking to an old friend who lost her mom around the same time and we agreed it feels more like five years.... Continue reading

Posted Aug 3, 2012 at Bad Advice

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I'm having a book party tonight!

So please come! We're talking Thursday, July 12, from 7-9 pm, at Powerhouse Arena, in glorious DUMBO. Rich Juzwiak, Mike Edison, Princess Freakin' Superstar, Bob Bert, Erin Bradley, Eric Davidson, Zachary Lipez and Michael Gonzales will all be reading. Oh,... Continue reading

Posted Jul 12, 2012 at Bad Advice

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Who Wants a Nacho?

Oh my, cuteness! My friends Ziss and J-Ro found little Nacho roaming the streets of Boerum Hill, thinking he was all that. They scooped him up, and unlike most of the ferals they've fostered, this little boy wasted no time... Continue reading

Posted Jul 2, 2012 at Bad Advice

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