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David Halpern
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Marvin the Monster's one hundred and sixty-fourth attempt at destroying the Earth with a single stick of dynamite had results eerily similar to the first one hundred and sixty-three attempts.
Toggle Commented Jul 10, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 164 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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The San Fransisco Giant Monsters are missing their star relief pitcher.
Toggle Commented Jul 10, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 165 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Poor Edward. He's not running from the IRS, even though he's being hunted for tax evasion. He's not running from his disgruntled, homicidal girlfriend who just caught him sleeping with another monster. He's not running from a swarm of angry bees whose hive he haphazardly destroyed. However, having to be a substitute teacher for a kindergarten class has him running like a Kenyan in a marathon.
Toggle Commented Jul 10, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 168 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Listen, Cowboy, this is Monster Luck Alley, a gay night club. The Monster Truck Rally is eight blocks that way.
Toggle Commented Jul 10, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 170 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Luther remembers his glory days as the six-time Live Action Hungry Hungry Hippo Champion. He has since become a bit unhinged. His jaw in particular. Ever the competitor, he is now practicing his balance, eager to jump into his new hobby, Ultimate Rockem' Sockem' Monster Fighting. He definitely has the mitts for it, if not the reach.
Toggle Commented May 1, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 167 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Travis is dancing to "Stayin' Alive" after seeing the teams he picked to win move into the Elite Eight. He shouldn't have chewed so stridently on his tongue though. It makes it harder to talk trash to the other monsters he's thrashing in the brackets.
Toggle Commented May 1, 2012 on DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 201 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Having short little t-rex arms is a definite disadvantage when you feel a mosquito land on the back of your head. Fortunately for Fred, his Scorpion Tail Hair is adequately equipped to handle the situation. The problem is he has trouble aiming at a tiny bug he can't see.
Toggle Commented May 1, 2012 on DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 202 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Both Dolphins fans are looking forward to seeing how their newly drafted quarterback, Ryan, works out. Hike!
Toggle Commented May 1, 2012 on DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 203 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Thanks Stefan. My girlfriend and I loved your book. We laughed our butts off. We were stoked to see another 100 monsters when we checked out the site here. We're sorry to hear that a second book doesn't appear to be in the works but we're enjoying the next 100 nonetheless. :)
Toggle Commented Mar 25, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 171 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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It's been a rough day for E.T. He was getting ready to phone home when he stuck his cell charger in the wrong outlet...
Toggle Commented Mar 25, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 173 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Erma knew that the green turtle neck with a black feather boa combo would help her garner all the attention she so desperately craved.
Toggle Commented Mar 25, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 183 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Nothing spices up a dance performance like those wicked jazz hands.
Toggle Commented Mar 20, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 171 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Snappy the turtle monster knew it was a bad idea to leave his shell that day, but his friend Nump called and said he needed some help with waxing his car, so out he went. He was strolling along, minding his own business, when he saw a ginormous, hideous...thing. It was the Godzilla of...things. What he saw made his Twizzleresque hair follicles stand straight up. He wanted to run but he just stood there, paralyzed by fear. Luckily, whatever it was failed to notice him, and he was able to return to his shell unharmed. Nump will just have to wax his own damn car. That's what you get for sticking your neck out for someone else.
Toggle Commented Mar 20, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 173 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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For all his genius, Einstein just couldn't handle the question. Which came first, the chicken, or the egg?
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 174 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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The Greg Louganis Monster must have bumped his head on the diving board one too many times. Now he just belly-flops.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 175 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Realizing just a moment too late that she should have extended her arms to reach for the trapeze bar is going to wipe that smile right off her face.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 175 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Franz couldn't figure out why he couldn't get more monsters to attend his yoga class.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 176 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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If I have to say the alphabet backwards, I'm screwed.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 177 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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This episode of Lucha Libre doesn't appear to be a fair fight, especially when it's two against one.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 179 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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There's been another Elvis sighting. Luckily for us, he's singing up a storm.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 184 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Who needs a hug?
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 185 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Big Bird's cousin Tony always wondered why HE didn't get the job.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 186 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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World reknowned Monsterthon Runner #188, another victory close at hand, leans forward as he approaches the finish line. In retrospect, perhaps wearing heels to a marathon wasn't such a hot idea after all. One of his heels broke, causing him to trip over his beard, costing him the race. To add injury to insult, he chipped one of his dazzling pearly whites when he hit the pavement.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 188 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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It was a rough morning for Ethan at The Avocado Monster School for the Deaf. Nevermind that his feet don't touch the floor when he sits at his desk, despite the high heels. He knew it was only a matter of time before the teacher called his name to answer a question whose answer would surely elude him. Unfortunately, the teacher mistook his long, spiky hair for a raised hand, and it was downhill from there.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 189 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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Bruce was the ruler of his roost, also known as Club Monstretro. With moves that would put Travolta to shame, all of the lady monsters always wanted to dance with him. After all,who could resist his resplendent tufts of chest hair, his bright orange plumage, and a colla that made them holla. However, He wasn't as smooth with the ladies as he imagined. His overconfidence often got him into trouble. The snout was out and on the prowl,but the babe he was jiving on yelled,"Get those forks off of me!" and ran off.
Toggle Commented Mar 19, 2012 on THE DAILY MONSTER PAPERS 195 at THE DAILY MONSTER
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