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If I become America’s Next Right Wing Villain Idol, I promise to do it right. I’ll establish an extensive underground volcanic island lair, sort of Le Corbusier meets Frank Lloyd Wright, no part of which shall be smoke-free. Built by Halliburton, natch. I’ll see about getting licensing for Hef’s old Playboy club outfits for the cigarette and cocktail servers. Once installed in my island lair, I’ll gather a team of renegade climate scientists, nuclear power plant engineers, oil executives, Austrian-school economists, gun enthusiasts, and disgruntled New York Saucier Chefs. My paramilitary Right Wing Armed Horde will be trained to use assault rifles with extra-capacity magazines, folding stocks, and flash suppressors, as well as combat driving heavy-chassis supercharged SUVs (you need a lot of power to haul the minibars, German Shepherds, and spare Barrett sniper rifles on the gunracks). I’m thinking the uniform will be one-button khaki dusters and slouch hats over Kevlar tactical vests, but I’m not married to the concept. Once trained, my Right Wing Armed Horde and their schutzhunds will provide assistance with border security (warning shots will be encouraged) and wolf culling from helicopters. If chosen as America’s Next Right Wing Villain Idol, I promise to only hold press conferences on offshore oil rigs and never be seen without a pipe in my mouth and an open-carry holster.
Toggle Commented Sep 14, 2010 on So You Want To Be a Right Wing Villain at iowahawk
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Sep 14, 2010