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Emily
Atlanta
overworked mother of two
Interests: a cheap babysitter, vodka, and children who can wipe their own bottom.
Recent Activity
Last Christmas, I decided to grill lobsters for dinner. What's important to know here is that 1.they were alive when I chopped them in half; 2. My entire family was horrified (children, inlaws, and possibly husband although he tried to cover it). After the lobster prepping, which was quite messy because my knife was dull, grilling, and plating, everyone stared at their food as if I had placed live bugs on it. Everyone but me was terrified and "not feeling very hungry". Needless to say, I will never do that again. Or, maybe just not for this crowd or on this day. I guess Christmas is not the day to slaughter lobsters. Who knew? P.S. I thought it was delicious.
Every kid does that one thing that brings a parent to the brink. Mine smeared poop on the wall (story for another day). Find a parent who is struggling with the same behavior and will openly and honestly discuss it. Honesty is key here because there are alot of moms out there who aren't willing to tell the tough stories. Then, try everything you can think of, even if it sounds crazy. Something will work. Finally, know that this to shall pass. The best thing about the toddler years is that they are temporary. :)
Toggle Commented Apr 10, 2012 on The Saturday That Broke Me at Mommy Shorts
Beyond adorable! I can't imagine trying choose between them!
Eww...this ain't no Jacuzzi. That's what you get for eating the beans mom made. Screw this, LATE!
Toggle Commented Nov 29, 2011 on Caption Contest at Mommy Shorts
well done!
Toggle Commented Nov 15, 2011 on Mommy Shorts: The Show at Mommy Shorts
She's his kid until she is throwing up, has explosive diarrhea, or interrupting a televised football game. At least that's how it is at my house.
You might just have a cutest kid ever.
I think its time to relocate to Atlanta. :)
There is something to be said for skipping it. My 7 year old doesn't remember her 2 or 3 birthday, and hardly remembers her 4th. I wish I would have kept it simpler, which is why #2 child is getting the big birthday blow off. We have been taking him to Benihana's (I know the food sucks)and he thinks its awesome - with all the flames and knife throwing. That being said, I feel for you in NYC. Small spaces and expensive rentals make birthdays more challenging. I will look at my mess of a finished basement and large backyard with more appreciation.
Linus - Grace (age 7 now) has been dragging around her blanket (referred to as "woobie")since she was a baby. It looks like a shredded rag, and that is being generous. I am pretty sure it harbors pathogens that would cause the CDC to get out their Hazmat suits and evacuate the area.
Toggle Commented Oct 6, 2011 on Good Grief Giveaway at Mommy Shorts
Kate is hilarious and I love her blog! Squinkies... not so much.
Toggle Commented Sep 28, 2011 on One and Done at Mommy Shorts
I am waiting for the "Maybe Kids Isn't Your Thing" chart.
Toggle Commented Sep 20, 2011 on Pop Quiz: Are You Ready For #2? at Mommy Shorts
I think we are the first generation of moms who have fallen captive to the notion that good parenting equals constant time together. No other previous generation had this issue, yet we are buried in guilt (both self-inflicted and reinforced by society)when we are away from our children. If you choose to have a rewarding career because it is important to you, important to your family, or for whatever reason, then it should be celebrated and supported. Same goes true if you choose the tremendously difficult job of staying home with kids. Both are huge sacrifices that often are judged instead of appreciated, and sadly by other moms. There is no easy path, and no right answer. Each mom has to make that decision for herself and her family, and it is never easy.
Toggle Commented Sep 19, 2011 on I Don't Know How She Does It Either at Mommy Shorts
A bottle of bourbon and a free night of babysitting. My friends know me well.
Toggle Commented Sep 15, 2011 on Give A Good Gift Giveaway at Mommy Shorts
Be honest Jack...do I look fat in these track pants?
Toggle Commented Sep 13, 2011 on Caption Contest at Mommy Shorts
That's considered "dark and controversial"? Good God. That means I must be down right evil. Ignore the haters - they aren't the kind of moms you would be friends with anyway. They are the kind of moms we mock while we drink cocktails and monitor/ignore our children.
Toggle Commented Aug 23, 2011 on Shocking Mommy Shorts Controversy! at Mommy Shorts
Glad to see someone has started a baby prison. I vote for a return to shock collars as well.
Toggle Commented Aug 9, 2011 on Caption Contest at Mommy Shorts
Toys are like a plague of locusts - out of no where you find your self invaded by plastic madness. The worst is, so often, your kid plays with it for a few days and never again. It got so bad, I now put on birthday invites "no gifts please, your presence is my present!". Cheesy I know, but I can't take an influx of 20 gifts, and then the drama of the "thank you notes" that follow. My kids get so much already, more then I ever had. They don't need one more thing. Seriously. If only my parents and in-laws were reading this...
Toggle Commented Jul 28, 2011 on The Toy That Could Eat My Apartment at Mommy Shorts
We love the beach...but sand always had a way of following us home. One thing that helps is to bring a gallon of water or two (I just buy 2 gallons of spring water from the grocery store because I am lazy). When its time to go home, we rinse off the kids right next to the car. It helps. When they were younger, they spent most of their time at the beach trying to drown themselves. Now that my kids are 7 and 5 I pay almost no attention to them at the beach. Our last trip (3 months ago) I feel asleep in the beach chair. Another example of stellar parenting on my part. Luckily my husband is a better supervisor then me.
Toggle Commented Jul 12, 2011 on Is the Beach Worth It? Part II at Mommy Shorts
I am with you on the conspiracy theory, or perhaps it is the folks who build playgrounds don't have children. It never ceases to amaze me how hot the equipment gets. I live in the south and we have a great park nearby, but children will need to wear oven mitts to play on it in the summer. They actually clear-cut the area for the playground - removing huge trees that provided wonderful shade. Idiots.
Toggle Commented Jun 28, 2011 on The Playground Conspiracy Theory at Mommy Shorts
If you are ever interested in getting a letter home from the religious preschool your child attends, just have them say "God damnit" a couple of times. Works like a charm. I should know.
Toggle Commented Jun 22, 2011 on "Oh Shit" is Right at Mommy Shorts
Everything in SLJ's career led up to this point. Who could have read it better? F-ing FANTASTIC!
Toggle Commented Jun 15, 2011 on Snakes on a Children's Book at Mommy Shorts
I once got a stern lecture in Home Depot (of all places) when Grace was less then a year old because she wasn't dressed in pink. This stranger (or "whore-bitch" as I like to think of her) told me that "if I wanted people to know she was a girl then I ought to dress her appropriately". I ran over her in the parking lot, just so you know.
Toggle Commented Jun 14, 2011 on Stranger Knows Best at Mommy Shorts
You had enough tact not to mention it as an option. I am shameless and lack class completely, so I had to. Its the gift that never goes out of style. At least not for him.
Let's cut to the chase - if you want to give him something he really wants and that doesn't cost a penny (unless you are "out-sourcing"), I would go the BJ route. :)