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Emily O
Oakland, CA
Back to school to get an MLIS; want to provide reference services in a state of the art library in some state of the art city!
Interests: health, web 2.0, good friends, cooking, reading, writing, libraries, nutrition, artful food, healthy relationships to self and others, small theaters
Recent Activity
I survived going to my ex-bf's wedding. Not without a perilous moment or two. He met his bride not long after we broke up, said it was meant to be, and they hurried the wedding so the elderly parents would still be well enough to attend. To not go would signify that it would be too painful, therefore I am still damaged and broken; to go meant that we were mature enough to still consider each other friends and I was still "Part of the family..." Besides, not having hardly any friends of his own, all of my best friends had been invited too! (My bf at the time refused to go....boy that was prophetic, he dumped me fairly soon after). The one excruciating moment was when the lovely wonderful gracious caring bride publicly acknowledged the former spouses, who were in attendance, for the sake of all the children who were in attendance. The six years I had spent with my boyfriend, rescuing him from his misery and post-divorce depression and various unhappy circumstances (and there were good times too) suddenly disappeared into smoke. I was persona non grata. Six years poofed into nothing.... But if I HAD been mentioned at that moment I am sure I would have broken into loud sobs, and wished for an instant transport to anywhere else on earth. Ended up dancing like crazy people with his ex wife, his sister and all the others who acknowledged what a crazy yet wonderful guy he was...and I'm glad I still know him....:) Go to the wedding, but don't be IN the wedding...that's just TOO hard. Luckily, no other ex-boyfriends have ever had the nerve to ask me to their wedding.
Toggle Commented Sep 28, 2009 on One Wedding and a Meltdown. at Starfish Envy
Thanks for writing about these feelings. Except in my case the symbolic object was the silverware I used every single day. What I had was hand-me-down mismatched silverware with a cheap ugly design. Sure I got it for free from a friend of my mother's, plus when I moved into my mother's house after she passed away, I inherited her plain, decades old stainless silverware. It was never going to wear out so it was hard to rationalize spending money on new stuff. And buying it myself did seem to symbolize that marriage was not in the cards. Despite this, I admit to feeling a kind of jubilation and even defiance on the day that I broke down and bought two sets of timeless, very simple but elegant heavy duty silverware on sale at Macys (with my boyfriend at the time, in tow!). I was finally admitting that having a registry was just never going to happen, and even if I got married tomorrow at age 54, is it appropriate to be asking for silverware and mixers from your friends? I am single, but I still give great dinner parties! (I kept a few symbolic forks and knives from the old sets to bring on picnics and remind me that I deserve beautiful things, even being single).