Inga, I claim eptitude (yes, Inga, that is a real word) in many different disciplines so if the pressure becomes unbearable approaching the equinox, please call for valuable yet no-charge counsel. And that thing about dialing "0": be sure that your sunglasses are so well matched to your face that even Temperance Brennan would approve.

#3 Unchained Smelody University of Wisconsin grad student Tony del Rio sees his "off the record" experiment go horribly awry when the school mascot, after a long and arduous rugby match, absent-mindedly ingests the twelfth formulation of an exotic perfume base instead of his Bacardi/Diet Tall, having been distracted by a run-on sentence. Within minutes, the mascot is transformed into a creature more deadly than Sharktopus and more cunning than a clown, able to lure and attack with or without aplomb. When the 'Sconnie finally alerts the authorities (the hunky chief of security at Frontier Hall and his three deputies, all of whom were runners-up in the Miss Wisconsin pageant), a deadly race against the clock is all that can save humanity. Unbeknownst to the pursuers, the mutant reproduces after licking human ankles, assuring at least three sequels.